Naima Cochrane Profile picture
Gen X emissary. Snack aficionado. Storyteller. Industry veteran. Black girl. #MusicSermon. @clivedavisinst. @bma_coalition.

May 27, 2018, 67 tweets

Gooooood morning Sermonites, Saints and Ain’ts...
There IS a sermon on today; I’m aiming for an early afternoon one since I’m sure folks have revelry on deck. Will come back with a time update. ⛪️

In case you missed last week’s #MusicSermon examining the early chapters of Conscious Rap, or our birthday tributes for Heavy D and Auntie Patti, you can catch the weekly recap here:…

Ok, Canibus fans (all 3 of them), Ye defenders, and some of my fellow get-off-my-lawners have worn me out over the past 48 hours. Taking a break to get my spirit and energy right for the sermon.
Will aim to open the doors of the church around 5pm. Govern yourselves accordingly.

#MusicSermon fam, I’m going to grab some food and then we’ll get this crackin’. ⛪️

*Steps into pulpit*
*Opens text*
*Sips water*

Good evening, family. I pray you all are enjoying your Memorial Day weekend; or in the case of those of us in the northeast, I pray you're staying warm 🙃.

Before we get started, ICYMI, #MusicSermon is in this month's @Essence!

So, ya'll...we have officially reached the season of fellowship and breaking bread. Turning water into wine and feeding your entire neighborhood with loaves and (fried) fishes. And that means it's time to examine the proper soundtrack for said fellowships: The Cookout Essentials

(With thanks and acknowledgement to the black BBQ'ers of Lake Merritt Park in Oakland ✊🏾🍔🍗)

In order to keep order (because this could easily be a fight-inciting conversation), let's lay out some rules:
1. For the purposes of this convo, the cookout is intergenerational (and in this house, we agree with @VerySmartBros that "cookout is an event, bbq is a sauce")

2. By MS standards, the requirements of Cookout Music include:
- Suitable for dancing, shit talking & game playing.
- Includes at least one selection from each Staple Cookout Artist (we'll get into that)
- Follows the parameters of the Cookout Time lapse (we'll get into that)

3. Even with all these rules, it's somewhat objective (obviously) and influenced by region. It's inevitable that I'll leave out something that someone thinks should have been included. Just let it rock.

4. There WILL be a playlist TONIGHT.

Before we get into the specifics, please stand for #MusicSermon's official Summer Hymn, and one of the videos that best depicts the kind of black cookout for which we're setting the stage. (This song is UNDEFEATED)

So first, there are some key COOKOUT ARTISTS. The playlist isn't complete without them, but you can chose damn near any song of theirs and you good.

First up: You gotta have something from the Commodores funk era
(s/o to my actual, real life Uncle David on drums in this clip).

And while we in the funk, you gotta have some Gap Band.
(Modern day Charlie Wilson features can be considered on a case by case basis if, and only if, there's no one over the age of 50 in attendance).

You MUST have either James Brown, the JBs, or Bobby Byrd.
I actually think "Doin' it to Death" is a requirement for the "You don't know nothin' bout this here" set (and we'll talk more about them)

There has to be some O'Jays, or an alternate Philadelphia International representative.
I'm including "I Love Music" here, but my person preference is "Darlin' Darlin' Baby", because it's such a fantastic red cup/ two step jam.

There are some other funk inclusions that may vary based on where you/your family are located...

The *original* "Summer Madness" (Kool and 'nem) is perfect background early in the afternoon while your uncles telling lies...I mean stories.

There's probably gonna be some EWF.

And this entry would usually be "September", but thanks to Taylor Swift we gonna go in another direction.

You gotta have some Chaka. Maybe it's Rufus-era Chaka for right when the liquor starts hitting, maybe it's "Sweet Thing" for the sundown segment (we'll get into that), maybe it's it's "Ain't Nobody"....
At my house it's "I Know You, I Live You"

Stevie is another Cookout Staple. You gotta have a couple of Stevie joints. One for every 3 event hours.

And of course there has to be some Michael Jackson. But WHICH MJ songs may vary. For cookouts I'm partial to Off the Wall cuts...

...and I've already told ya'll how we love "Baby Be Mine" at any kind of gathering, especially if alcohol is involved, 'round these parts.

I should point out here that yes, there will be some overlap with Your Parents' Party Music...because jams.…

Then there are the "You Don't Know Nuthin' Bout This Here" jams. They start hitting about 2, 3 hours in when folks are on their 3rd cup and second spades game. For our parents and 'nem, these can be funk, boogie, soul...anything that takes them back to their heyday.

As an aside, I thought we were past this as a congregation but I need to remember we always have new members:

Sermons can take 2-3 hours. Usually when you think something is missing, it's not, I just haven't gotten to it yet. It's not over until you see the benediction.

Ok, back to the sermon...

You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This songs be having your parents telling you stories you don't really wanna hear bout some memory involving the song in question. 🙈

When there are still little kids in the family, the You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This jams come out as part of the Sundown Set, or the After Dark Set, because grownups start cussin heavily when these go into rotation.
I really don't know what they had George doing with all these WW

You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This jams are often interchangeable with THIS IS MY SONNNNG jams. The latter - a fave of aunties everywhere - requires lifting your cup up to the sky in celebration as you begin to two step.

Often found in the You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This set:

Classic sample sources...

(and while we're on the subject, yes, I'm going to work my up to more current songs. We gotta get through the classics first)

We went through a bunch of these joints in the Disco and Boogie sermon. So many of them are timeless (which is why they made outstanding sample material)

I can low key tell how many parties your people threw when you were growing up by how many samples you knew before you were old enough to explore music on your own.

And if your parents were heavy on the club & dance party scene back in the day, the You Don't Know Nuthin Bout That segment is when they start getting it IN (for my mom and her friends, this is basically the entire event).

I felt like I had graduated/gone through some kind of rites of passage when these joints became MY jams, also.

Speaking of dancing...

Ya'll know what time it is once everybody had their first plate and the food is settled. Let's get into it.

Lemme post the studio version, because that had Frankie riffin' for like 2 minutes...

For god so loved the world that he gave us line dances, that we would be glad at every gathering of more than ten black people in one place at a time if there was music, forever and ever, amen.

No, we're not done...

I'm gonna skip the Cha Cha slide because the video is for a remix, and no.
(It'll be on the playlist though). But let's get another electric slide in.
I had a whole conversation with someone about how "Before I Let Go" and "Candy" became the official ES songs; will share it soon

And "Candy" ushers us into those good Auntie jams... (which also fall under THIS IS MY SONNNNNNG jams)

And if you're in NY and this didn't get played, the function wasn't legit.

I've shard with ya'll several times that this is my personal favorite Uptown/Auntie/Two Step/everything anthem.
Somebody played this while we were in Curacao for my line sister's wedding and I acted like I was on 141st street.

Auntie (and Uncle) jams mean Gen X'ers now, so our late 80s/early 90s faves...right on in there.

And we be having to show the 20-somethings that 40-something ain't as old as they think.

People can literally be doing ANYTHING, but when that beat drops and them horns come in, you got your butt out.

There are a couple of early 90s joints that have been universally claimed as party and cookout jams transcending age, race and creed. They're highly divisive, so lemme get them out of the way.

The first is one of my mamas faves...

And the second one I can personally do without, but I know it's still on enough people's lists for me to include it.

(It would be "Get it on Tonight" on MY list)

And there are some damn near brand new joints (comparatively speaking), that the boomer set has claimed...
Because they remind them so much of their jams.

You know good n' hell well they ain't listened to the lyrics of "Blurred Lines". They gonna dance, though.

I'll save the other new/old song for later, but we can't rock "Blurred Lines" without the inspiration behind the song (which is usually part of the You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This set, btw)

Now, if WE'RE hosting the festivities, we got a couple of classic jams of our own we gotta include once the elders too far in the cups to really be paying attention.

We gotta pull the ratchet out for at least two good songs before we go back to regularly scheduled programming.

And we can of course throw the songs with familiar samples in the mix with no issues.

Even your family members that ain't never liked hip hop still be noddin' their heads to the right joints while they're on the card table.

...and you and your cousins gotta have a dance-off

And obviously the New Era Aunties have to be in the mix

Mary might show up a FEW times. You gotta have classic Mary...

And your auntie who finally kicked your triflin' ass uncle out the house and is ignoring him while he's sitting right there at the cookout with her new haircut and fly nail's favorite Mary cut (she knows a line dance to this song)

Then the hour starts getting late, the little kids go in the house and the older kids go do whatever older kids do once they've spent the required amount of time with the family and are free to leave, and you get to the Sundown Set. Straight 2 step jams.

This is when the GOOD stories come out. You'll learn some sh*t if you hang around for this part, because they either forget you're there, or just don't care. You might clutch your pearls a couple times, though.

During the Sundown Set, everybody is probably still more in buzz-mode than straight drunk, except for a couple of folks. Cigars are out. There's still a few games in play.
But there's a line between Sunset and After Dark, and you gotta be in tune for when that line is crossed...

...and it's usually right about the time somebody plays anything by the Isleys.

If you get all the way to Al Green, everybody's DRUNK.
And you're moving into dangerous territory.

If you get to anything on THIS list, a fight breaking out is imminent.…

Someone asked me what I think the new cookout/ red cup/ two step jam is; what song is gonna have folks saying You Don't Know Nuthin Bout This in 20 years.

My answer:

And the new me and you, your mama and your cousin too jam. The one your auntie, your grandma, everybody getting it in to?
Hate him or not (and if you hate him, I'm judging), ya'll already know...

The playlist will have some songs I didn't post here, and I'm gonna go 'head and close so I can wrap that up for ya'll to have on deck for tomorrow.

So now, if all hearts & minds are full 🖐🏾

May the joy and beauty of music keep you,
May music wash over you, and be gracious unto you.
May the warmth of music envelop you, and give you peace.

And all the people said....

And should ya’ll feel moved to put a little something in the plate to bless your pastor’s holiday, you may do so here. Ya’ll are appreciated 🖤$naimacochrane

Alright ya'll... this joint is SIX HOURS.
You're welcome.

BAM - COOKOUT ESSENTIALS 2018 for Spotify…

And COOKOUT ESSENTIALS 2018 for Apple Music…

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