Thread by @TheSWPrincess

Most men that I know, men who respect women as equals, are shocked when allegations come out about people like #HarveyWeinstein, #BillCosby, #LouisCK. They are in shock when men they know are accused of sexually harassing or assaulting women. THREAD 1 #BelieveWomen #RWU #MeToo

Some men find it very hard to believe that these things are so common, because they would never DO those things. If I were a man and I hadn’t experienced harassment and inappropriate behavior multiple times, I would probably find it difficult to believe. 2 #MeToo #BelieveHer

I decided to share about what I’ve experienced, so that good men who respect women can start to understand that these things happen to women know they know, work with, are related to, and love, every day. Their friends, neighbors, coworkers, relatives. 3 #sexualharassment

My first experience with sexual harassment was in 5th grade when a boy in my class snapped my bra strap on the bus and started yelling about my bra and my breasts to the entire bus. I was 10 years old. It was humiliating, degrading, and I was so angry I cried. He was talked to. 4

Sexual harassment is becoming more common among middle school kids. Kids need to learn the right behavior from childhood. 5 parents.com/toddlers-presc…

From 5th grade up it happened regularly to most girls at school, since that’s when girls typically start to noticeably develop. It’s normal that boys notice that. It’s not normal that they sexually harass girls. They need to learn from childhood that it’s wrong. 6

I remember hearing boys in the class whisper and talk about whether the girl speaking in front of our 6th grade class was wearing a bra or not, and talking about her body and judging it. This is what girls grow up with. Sexual harassment and #objectification starts young. 7

If kids don’t learn from childhood what sexual harassment is and that it’s wrong, they won’t magically learn that in high school. Or college. Or when they enter the workforce. And they will have problems and hurt others. 8 #workplaceharassment

Around age 14 I started noticing adult men staring at my chest. It made me horribly uncomfortable. It was somehow much worse than boys at school doing the same thing. For years I wore baggy shirts to try to avoid it. There is no graphic that can depict this. 9 #sexualization

By 16 I looked older than my age, and I noticed men close to my father’s age looking at me and sometimes flirting with me. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I would walk away from them and avoid them. That was really all I could do. I started avoiding adult men. 10

Once in the parking lot in high school a guy I knew casually decided to pin me down on the ground. He was small and skinny and I think we wanted to prove he was tougher than someone. I fought and yelled and a guy in my class pulled the skinny kid off of me and yelled at him. 11

The skinny kid said it was just a joke, he didn’t mean anything by it. It left me shaking. It never occurred to me to report it to the school or anyone. My friends and other people who saw it seemed to forget about it once it was over. 12

Avoiding adult men was difficult since many teachers were men, and you encounter them everywhere – stores, sporting events, public places. I was always “on guard” for that, aware that I had to watch out for it. No image that conveys this either. 13 #predatory

I went to a very large university in an urban area near a major city. Freshman Orientation for women was pretty much “How to avoid #rape”. They suggested never walking alone after dark, not getting drunk, not taking drugs, and buying pepper spray from the stores on campus. 14

There were no talks for the male students about consent, or not being pushy, or not taking advantage, or not pressuring, or not harassing or assaulting or raping. But everyone was told that the campus health center gave out free condoms. 15 #rapistscauserape #consent

There was a student security service that was available after dark, so that if a female student had to walk somewhere on campus after dark alone, she could call and two student employees would walk with her. 16 #rapeschedule

Being creeped out by adult men continued in college. There were teaching assistants who were creepy that way. I remember one T.A. who wanted us to come discuss our ideas for the final paper in his office and had us all sign up for appointments. Mine was on a Saturday. 18

He frequently suggested in class that students join him for drinks at a bar off campus. As far as I know, no one did. But he was sexist and unprofessional and the way he looked at me made me uncomfortable. I realized I was alone in the building with him. 19

When I got to the building I realized it was empty. Nobody was there. People were studying, but at the libraries, or study rooms. I was very relieved to see that he didn’t have an office to himself, but a desk in an open area. He was over 40 but acted like a student. 20 #creep

Nothing happened. I left and got back to my dorm safely. But I was aware of how vulnerable I was the entire time I was in that building with him. I later heard other female students from my class with him make similar comments about their meetings with him. 21

I now realize that if anything HAD happened, people who heard about it would think “Well, why was she alone in the building with him? What did she think would happen?” I didn’t have a choice. That was one of the only options left, and the meeting was required. 22 #abuseofpower

I had to meet with him and the other time slots were taken so I had to go on Saturday. I chose early afternoon. I didn’t anticipate being alone in a building with a creepy man in his 40’s who wanted to hang out with students and drink with them. 23

There were more casual incidents of unwanted touching that weren’t sexual. One guy walked up behind me, grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me back against him. Startled and scared me and I yelled “Don’t touch me!” He FINALLY realized I wasn’t interested. 24 #donttouchme

I remember dating a guy who thought it was funny to joke about the woods near my dorm “That looks like a place from a horror movie where a girl gets raped.” When I didn’t think it was funny he was surprised and asked “Did something happen to you?” 25

He really thought the only reason a woman wouldn’t think that was funny was if she had been assaulted or raped. He didn’t get that it wasn’t funny to joke about women being raped. Especially on college campuses. 26 #rapejokes

My senior year there were 4 rapes just off campus near fraternity & student housing. There were also some sexual assaults and muggings on campus, so a curfew was put in place, late night dining was closed, & women were told to not walk without a male student after dark. 27

Entering the workforce brought new challenges – guys my age who wanted to flirt. That can be difficult in itself, but there were a few that made comments that crossed the line. As a young new employee you don’t want to run directly to HR. 28

There were also older men, men who were close to my father’s age who were flirtatious, which was uncomfortable. It’s not easy for a young woman new to workforce to figure out how to best handle that without causing problems for herself. 29

My first experience with blatant sexual harassment in the workplace was in my early 20’s. A man with gray hair in his 50’s began commenting on my appearance. Then walking up behind my chair and putting his hands on my shoulders. Then rubbing my arms. 30 #workplace harassment

I always moved away and kept strictly to business, but he didn’t take hints. He said we’d have to go out to dinner one night. I confided in a woman I was friends with, who said he had been MUCH worse with her, and she had reported it to his boss. 31 #SerialHarasser #predator

She and her boss encouraged me to talk to his boss, who said “It’s not the first time. We’ve sent him to counseling. But he brings in a lot of money.” She must have spoken to him, because he left me alone after that. I was floored that she admitted he was a repeat offender. 32

Later, at another company, I was at a company happy hour for a coworker who was being deployed. I was talking with a coworker who I had known for a while, and whose wife had come to a couple of work events. I knew her name. 33

His wife left to go pick up their kids. Suddenly his hand was up the back of my blouse, on my skin. I stepped away from him and stammered “What…are you doing?” He laughed it off. I was in shock. I found out that he had groped 3 other women that night. 34 #patternbehavior

For a few day I just thought about it. A mutual work friend who had heard about it asked if I was okay. I said I wasn’t sure. He said, “You know he’s married.” I said I did, and the groper knew he was married too. 35 #nomore #NoExcuse

He said “Mistakes were made, it was a fluke occurrence.” I said “No. He groped 4 women. This isn’t the first time he’s done that, it was just the first time he’s done that at a work event to coworkers.” The work friend said “I guess that’s possible.” 36

I said “I’m pretty sure that’s the case.” A week later I heard the groper was applying for a management position. I went to HR. They had to know. I told them what happened. I talked to the other women he had groped. I think 1 went to HR. 37 #ProtectWomen

The groper didn’t get the promotion. But he kept his job. I had to see him around the office for about 2 years until he was laid off. He acted like nothing happened. Once he emailed me saying he wanted us to be friends again. I didn’t reply. 38

A few years ago a new department head was hired. On his third day on the job, he zipped his fly at my desk. He said “I just came from the bathroom but I washed my hands.” And forgot to zip his fly, which he did at my desk. And WHO SAYS THAT??? #WTF 39

Gradually the women in the office noticed that this man would adjust himself frequently. He had no idea that he was doing it. But he frequently adjusted his crotch in front of people. Even if he was meeting with all women. 40

One woman called him a “frequent adjustor”. Another nicknamed him Rudy, since he kept “rooting around” in there. We all became experts at averting our eyes and pretending we didn’t see it. Several of us went to HR, but the behavior didn’t stop. 41

He made several inappropriate comments: “open kimono”, using prostitution as an example of a business model, commenting on my appearance. He invited his dept to his house for a barbecue and told the single women to bring dates because his wife would prefer it. #HumanResources 42

Several women went to HR, but nothing really happened. He was talked to, it may have been mentioned on his annual review. But it didn’t curb the behavior. After a merger he was unofficially demoted. #karma 43

Around that time a friend and I were driving home from a night out. She was driving, and we were pulled over for no reason. The office said that she should have stopped for a flashing yellow light (not in my state). He asked if she had been drinking. 44

She said yes, earlier, with dinner, but not for a couple of hours, which was true. She wasn’t under the influence at all, but he asked her to get out of the car. I made sure that he saw my phone in my hand. It was late and there was no one else around. 45

He took her behind the car and asked her to do a sobriety test. He said she had beautiful eyes and started hitting on her. She finally asked if she was free to go. He let us go with no ticket, no warning, no documentation. We didn’t know his name or badge number. 46

I thought about how vulnerable we were. Completely defenseless. The officer was in complete control. He could have done much worse and we would have been helpless. For years I was nervous when I saw police cars and I was alone in the car. 47

These are the most memorable incidents. I think this is fairly representative of what most middle to upper middle class women face in corporate environments. Women in different work environments or different industries will have different experiences. But we all deal with it. 44

I’m one of the lucky ones – I’ve “only” been sexually harassed and assaulted (hand up the blouse – unwanted sexual touching). I wasn’t molested as a child. I haven’t been raped. But #yesallwomen live with this reality. Every day. 45

I shared all of this because I think it’s important that everyone, especially men, know how common this is. So many men assume that sexual harassment and assault are rare, because the majority of victims are women. And women generally don’t talk about it. 44

So a lot of men don’t know. We need to change that. And we need men to talk about this and champion it and speak up when they see other men harassing women. Men need to help educate and call out this behavior by other men. 45 #men4women

We need our male allies to help change the culture of sexism and toxic masculinity that has led to and contributed to this behavior. Everyone needs to learn the right behavior from childhood. Schools, colleges and workplaces need to do better to #protectwomen. 46 #Men4Women

And people need to #BelieveWomen. Too many times we hear “Why did she wait so long to come forward? Why didn’t she go to the police right away?” Women are accused of lying for money or fame. As if anyone every got rich or famous by claiming to be sexually assaulted. 47 #allies

It’s not okay. It’s not normal. It’s not the way men are. It’s not a fact of life. We must ALL refuse to accept excuses like that and demand that women and girls are treated as equals and that this behavior is not tolerated and brings consequences for those who commit it. End.

The thread seemed to break.