Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 203 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- ‘Help, my mother-in-law doesn’t want to leave my house’ If you missed it, get it here bit.ly/2LdMwwN #MrMrsBetterHalf

3. This week’s episode is, ‘My husband is always chatting with this single girl and I hate it.’ First of all, this is not a situation exclusive to women. I know men that get very jealous when their wives talk to other men whether they married or single. #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. So even though I will address this from the woman’s perspective, please note that it goes both ways. I think the first thing to establish is whether the situation applies to all single girls in general or one girl in particular. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. If you are resentful of your husband chatting with single girls, in general, you need to work on being more tolerant. It is impossible for your husband not to meet single girls in the course of life- just as you meet single men. They walk among us! #MrMrsBetterHalf

6. You were once single- what if all married people who saw you crossed to the other side of the road when they saw you coming? Terrible right? You don’t shut down human interaction just because someone’s marital status is different. #MrMrsBetterHalf

7. Now, why are you uncomfortable with single women? Is the problem with them or you? I can assuredly tell you that not all single women are after your husband. A few might be but don’t use a perverted yardstick to measure innocent people. #MrMrsBetterHalf

8. So the issue lies either with you or your husband. If you are insecure or feel constantly threatened by other women, that is something you will have to work on. Work on your self-esteem and confidence. #MrMrsBetterHalf

9. The truth is that if you don’t know your value, you will always consider yourself replaceable; and that is what makes you paranoid. Don’t live in a prison of your own making. #MrMrsBetterHalf

10. Now is it your husband that makes you feel suspicious? Is he a philanderer or does he have a wandering eye? Again that is not an issue for the single girls but rather for you and your husband to deal with. #MrMrsBetterHalf

11. You have to have crucial conversations with your husband and even call in people that can hold him accountable into the situation. The truth is that he must be willing to be faithful. You cannot police him into fidelity. #MrMrsBetterHalf

12. Now, if it is a particular lady that has got you concerned, then you need to be quite direct about it. Don’t make assumptions. An assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. Speak up and ask him questions about this lady. #MrMrsBetterHalf

13. By the way, the truth is that the marital status of the suspect should be a non-issue. After all, if a married woman was seducing your husband would you be any happier? It’s the intention, not her singleness that is the crime. #MrMrsBetterHalf

14. Don’t immediately assume the worst and start stalking him or the girl. Hearing from him will either confirm your suspicions or set your mind at ease. Either way, you are better prepared for the next line of action. #MrMrsBetterHalf

15. Now husbands listen up! Women have great intuition. If your wife is not usually the jealous type but she flags a relationship you’ve developed or are developing, pay attention no matter how much you are enjoying this friendship. #MrMrsBetterHalf

16. What is it that she is uncomfortable with? What can you do to remedy it? Ask a few questions. Do you need added boundaries? Do you need to bring her into the friendship? Or do you need to cut the friendship off completely? #MrMrsBetterHalf

17. What's the objective of the friendship? What do both parties stand to gain from it? Are there benefits or is it just a distraction? Remember, when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Define the objectives. #MrMrsBetterHalf

18. Many times you just need to set up boundaries. Having a new friend doesn’t mean you should spend all your time with him or her. You can’t spend hours on the phone daily with one person and not expect your spouse to be concerned. #MrMrsBetterHalf

19. When your spouse confronts you about how long you spend on the phone with this person don’t rebel. Rather, come to an amicable agreement. Sometimes it’s not even the length of time but rather when the calls take place. #MrMrsBetterHalf

20. You can’t come back at night after a full day of work and stay on the phone for hours ignoring your wife and kids while talking and laughing with a single woman! No matter how secure your wife is, that would be annoying! #MrMrsBetterHalf

21. If your wife needs your attention at night after work, make your calls earlier in the day. Or tell your single friend that once you get home you have to hang up because you have your family to take care of. Prioritise your spouse. #MrMrsBetterHalf

22. You know what? That also sends a message to your single friend- it lets her know what is most important to you and reinforces that you esteem your spouse above her, which should always be the case. #MrMrsBetterHalf

23. Also remember that even if you have no bad intentions, the single person is also vulnerable. Don’t unwittingly toy with their feelings. When you spend tons of time consistently with people it is possible for them to become attached to you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

24. Again, boundaries help you keep things on a sane level. Also, let your spouse know when you’re forging a new friendship. Also when it is a friendship you really want to nurture, pull your spouse into it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

25. This doesn’t mean that you will stop being the primary friend, but it creates a safe haven for the 3 of you. Your spouse is able to participate in your friendship without being an interloper and yet you can still do your own thing. #MrMrsBetterHalf

26. Also, ensure you don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Also, don’t engage in conversations you don’t want your spouse to hear or see- that’s a sign that your friendship is becoming inappropriate and you should probably call it quits. #MrMrsBetterHalf

27. Many times when you have a new friendship it is exciting and you may feel protective of it. It’s nice when someone new finds you fascinating. So having your spouse question it can make you feel resentful and even rebellious. #MrMrsBetterHalf

28. But remember, this new friendship is just you adding some spice to your life. This friend can come and go but your spouse is to be forever. Don’t sacrifice your marital happiness for a friendship whose longevity you can’t predict. #MrMrsBetterHalf

29. Now before we wrap this up, there are a few questions I’d like you to consider. Is there anything in your spouse’s life that can predispose him or her to distractions? A new job? A health issue? Relationship issues? A new milestone? #MrMrsBetterHalf

30. As funny as it seems, the whole mid-life crisis issue comes up when people who are getting older become desperate to connect with their youth. Is your spouse subconsciously connecting with singles to feel young? #MrMrsBetterHalf

31. If your spouse’s new job or interests cause him or her to gravitate towards single people, my advice would be not to fight it but don’t leave your spouse to discover new things alone. Go on the journey together. Ride the wave together. #MrMrsBetterHalf

32. The last thing you want is for your spouse to think his new friends or interests are more important or more fascinating than you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

33. One more thing: if your spouse seems very invested in making new friends outside your marriage, it could be a sign that he or she needs more validation. Understand that people gravitate towards fun, gratification, validation and empathy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

34. If your spouse seems to be distracted look beyond the person seemingly distracting him or her to see if there are environmental factors that need to be addressed. Maybe your spouse just needs some extra care, attention or reassurance. #MrMrsBetterHalf

35. Guys, this marriage thing is for the long haul. The burden of care in marriage often shifts from person to person depending on the season of life. Sometimes the wife needs care more; sometimes it’s the husband. #MrMrsBetterHalf

36. Finally, let’s land this on the issue of trust. Has anything eroded trust in your marriage? You need to address it and deliberately rebuild it. Without trust, you will live a miserable life of jealousy, frustration and suspicion. #MrMrsBetterHalf

37. Deliberately build and communicate trust in your marriage every day. Water the tree of love and friendship. Don’t ignore it or allow it wither. Let it blossom. Your life will be the sweeter for it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

38. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week to address another issue. If you have a question feel free to tweet at me and I’ll do my best to help you figure it out. #MrMrsBetterHalf

39. Till next week Friday, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf