Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 206 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- ‘My husband is extremely bossy and is always trying to intimidate me’ If you missed it, get it here bit.ly/2NbNR8Y #MrMrsBetterHalf

3. This week’s episode still seems to be after the men! This complaint is- ‘My husband believes sex is his right and that there’s no need for him to request it or to be romantic. What’s wrong with him? Or is it me?’ #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. I haven’t heard a lot of women complain about their husbands not meeting their demands but I’m sure the challenge exists on both sides. So if you’re a man being harassed by your wife, I’ve also got you. Get your wife to read this. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. Now, not to make you mad, but sex is actually each spouse’s right in marriage- though men sometimes seem more eager to enforce this right than women. I say this to get this ‘right’ business out of the way before moving to the real issues. #MrMrsBetterHalf

6. Sex is not a favour you do for your spouse. It is a conjugal right recognised by God and the laws of the land. The bible states that you shouldn’t deny your spouse sex unless for pre-agreed reasons like fasting which should be for short periods. #MrMrsBetterHalf

7. So yes, your body is your spouse’s and vice versa. However as said by Charles Swindoll, ‘attitude is more important than fact.’ The fact that a thing is your right doesn’t mean that you can behave badly when trying to enforce it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

8. It’s like going to a restaurant, placing your order and not saying thank you to the person who delivers it. The fact that you are going to pay for the food (which is, in this case, your right) does not preclude you from exhibiting good manners! #MrMrsBetterHalf

9. So in exercising ‘rights’, we must be careful not to infringe on other people’s rights. Like the right to be well treated, the right to be respected, and in the case of a spouse, the right to sometimes be tired or the right to be in the mood for sex. #MrMrsBetterHalf

10. In marriage, we must learn the balancing act of enforcing both your rights without hurting each other and this is heavily depending on you being considerate and also how you choose to communicate. #MrMrsBetterHalf

11. Nobody wants to be ordered into the bedroom to do your bidding. Your spouse is not a sex slave or someone whose services you have paid for. In marriage, you should make love not just have sex. Always remember that. #MrMrsBetterHalf

12. As a matter of fact this ‘demanding one’s rights’ applies even outside the bedroom. The way some men demand food or women demand money can be so disrespectful. Your home should never lack love and respect. #MrMrsBetterHalf

13. Now to the man or woman that feels sex is a right- many things can fuel that sense of entitlement including the fact that you may have been celibate before marriage or conversely that you have a very high libido. #MrMrsBetterHalf

14. Like I said, nobody is arguing the fact that sex is definitely an important part of marriage but for as long as it involves another person you cannot suspend virtues like patience, love, care and understanding. #MrMrsBetterHalf

15. As concerns libido, sometimes there’s a gap where your spouse may not want it as often as you do or vice versa. It calls for compromise on both parts. Sometimes you have to cool off and other times your spouse needs to get with the program. #MrMrsBetterHalf

16. If you were celibate before marriage, don’t take it out on your spouse as if you were imprisoned and have been let out of a cage! Celibacy was a good choice that you made- not a punishment. Don’t transfer aggression to your spouse. #MrMrsBetterHalf

17. Remember that attitude is important and for your information- lovemaking is more enjoyable when both parties are into it- not when one is resigned and the other is only seeking his or her pleasure. #MrMrsBetterHalf

18. So if you are the one your spouse is complaining about, I would like to share a few things to help reshape your perspective and put you on a track to enjoying better (and even more frequent) intimacy in marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf

19. (a) It pays to do away with any sense of entitlement. Marriage is about building something together. It’s not an ‘I’ affair and the sooner you embrace the ‘we’ the better you will be. #MrMrsBetterHalf

20. (b) Discuss your goals for intimacy. This may seem unspontaneous or unromantic but what you don’t have a vision for you will not achieve. You and your spouse should be able to speak about the growth you want as regards intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

21. It is in having these conversations that you as a wife may understand your husband’s need for sex and you as a husband will understand your wife’s need for romance. Have specific, measurable goals concerning intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

22. (c) Think less of self. If you both are thinking of how to better please each other, it becomes less about you meeting your own needs and more about you meeting each other’s needs. #MrMrsBetterHalf

23. As a guy, you can come home from a hard day at work and one way you want to relieve pressure is by being with your wife. Your wife on the other hand also had a hard day and wants to relieve pressure through talk and attention. #MrMrsBetterHalf

24. If you can both be sensitive to each other’s needs and moods, you can be there for each other and you will both end up getting what you need. Love means considering one another and prioritising each other’s needs. #MrMrsBetterHalf

25. (d) Seek to understand your spouse. Know how to get him/her in the mood. Men, for many women, intimacy starts way before you see her at home. Some ladies want you to send them texts, gifts, admire them, flirt with them, etc. #MrMrsBetterHalf

26. You know the truth, if your wife likes romance, be romantic whether or not you want sex that day. You are paying it forward. You make her feel loved and secure and when you want to cash a cheque, it won’t bounce. #MrMrsBetterHalf

27. Also if there are unresolved issues or conflicts, deal with them. Guys, many women cannot make love when school fees and the house rent have not been paid! A woman cannot make love when her security is threatened. Fix the problem! #MrMrsBetterHalf

28. Ladies, know what your husband likes. It is not true that all men want is a willing body. He has preferences- it might be something you wear, something you cook, how you look, or even how the house looks. Seek understanding. #MrMrsBetterHalf

29. When you push the right buttons for your spouse you are unlikely to get negative pushback, rather he or she will be more than willing have a lovely time of intimacy with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

30. (e) Engage in open and honest communication. If there are things that upset you about your spouse and how she or he goes about intimacy, you need to communicate it kindly and without judgement. Sometimes he/she just doesn’t know. #MrMrsBetterHalf

31. Some people seriously don’t have a clue what makes you tick or what turns you off. Saying ‘he or she should know’ doesn't change the fact that he or she actually doesn't know. Tell them kindly and lovingly. #MrMrsBetterHalf

32. Ensure you do this without breaking hearts or egos. Your aim and objective are not to give your spouse a piece of your mind but rather to engender change that will help you build a phenomenal life together. #MrMrsBetterHalf

33. (f) Work on your friendship. The truth is that if you are each other’s best friends, sex will not be a topic to tiptoe around. You will want to be together and have fun together and also be able to tell each other when things aren’t okay. #MrMrsBetterHalf

34. It is interesting when couples are fighting but one party still wants to exercise his or her conjugal right. How can you be sleeping with the enemy? It is unnatural! It is a mockery of what is called lovemaking. Make up then make love. #MrMrsBetterHalf

35. Finally, this is just to the ladies- give your husband a break especially when the libido gap exists and he seems to want it more than you do. He should not have to jump through hoops to be with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

36. Sometimes it is true that you are tired and not in the mood, but can you get yourself in the mood? Can you shake off lethargy and also be there for your man? Don’t make him have to beg for it. Surprise him and initiate it sometimes. #MrMrsBetterHalf

37. Remember it is a balancing act that works both ways. When you both are caring and considerate, the issue of whose right it is won’t be relevant- all that will be left is love and a healthy home. #MrMrsBetterHalf

38. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf

39. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf