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T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
@greg_doucette
Jul 19, 2018 • 89 tweets • 23 min read • Read on X
If this ain't one of the whitest damn things...
So white it thinks vaccinations cause autism

So white it says All Lives Matter

So white it puts Chipotle pics on IG

So white it chants "BUILD THE WALL" but goes to Cancun for Spring Break

So white it'll survive the police but OD on fentanyl

So white it sent a DMCA takedown request on the person posting the video

Probably got a little too exotic on the DMCA tweet, let me go to bed 😂

Good night y'all 👊
So white it stands for the national anthem... in line at the concession stand getting a beer

So white it files legislation decreeing that only liquids from lactating mammals can be called "milk"

So white it uses its one phone call to call daddy and tell him to bring the checkbook for bail

I should've thought of this one tbqh 😂

So white it gets a trophy, just like everyone else who participated

So white it has a "HERITAGE NOT HATE" bumper sticker on its F150

So white it thinks it'll get a minority scholarship if it goes to an HBCU

So white it blames its racism on its medications

So white it was wearing a polo under a polo when it talked to the manager. Collars popped.

Ha. No. Those don't actually exist at public HBCUs, idk about private ones

So white it says that while already speaking to the manager

So white it throws in some racial slurs and spits on a 3-year-old, then when the cops show up it says "It's OK, I'm a firefighter"

Don't @ me

kctv5.com/story/37627894…
So white it complains about gentrification, but is looking forward to moving downtown now that it's "livable"

So white it thinks BBQ is a verb

So white it thinks Texas brisket is edible

I knew I was toeing the line with that one 😂

So white it will only visit New Orleans if it can get a hotel on Bourbon Street

So white it puts mayonnaise in everything

Additional entries are always welcome 😉

So white it brings potato salad to the cookout

So white it's trying to grow locs

So white it wants you to just get over it already, the Thirteenth Amendment abolished slavery 153 years ago gosh

So white it's going to trial, because only guilty people take plea deals

EVERYONE'S SO MAD ABOUT THE BRISKET TWEET

So white it lectures you on using paper plates when you'd pollute less if you'd just use the ceramic ones

So white it pronounces the D in Django

So white it keeps the airplane bottles of Gray Goose though

So white it demands to see your ID card before you use the neighborhood pool

So white it still calls it The War of Northern Aggression

So white it sends mass emails to state legislators

So white it likes pizza without sauce

So white it makes the Oscars look mixed
#OscarsSoWhite

So white it doesn't believe in hyphens because we're all Americans here

So white it wakes up to Morning Joe

So white its boyfriend is black and he says n*gga so what's the big deal if it says it too I mean really gosh

So white it tells you to go back to where you came from

You were born in Virginia

Ijs!

Whoa now, too far

Too. Far.

So white it still uses "on fleek"

So white it only buys groceries at Whole Foods

So white it creates MJ-vs-LBJ comparison charts

So white it writes thinkpieces about poverty at a job using unpaid interns

So white its dad got it this job

So white that after it calls it complains black folk are poor because they're lazy

So white it pays more than a mortgage to live in a studio apartment

So white that actually you're the racist for saying it's racist

So white that they were just youthful indiscretions anyway so it's ok

So white that it parks the pickup next to its Toyota Prius Hybrid because it wants to reduce its carbon footprint

So white it originally went viral for planking

So white it argues with @KevinMKruse about how the parties "switched"

So white it celebrates Cinco de Mayo

So white it prefers Asian fusion though tbh

So white it creates a fake hashtag
#FireAllegraBudenmayer
So white it plays lacrosse

So white it thinks you should be forced to take financial literacy courses before you receive unemployment benefits, but don't you dare touch its Social Security

So white it's offended you didn't call it "crew," and is really pissed you giggled when it said "coxswain"

So white it retweets #FreeMariaButina unironically

So white it pretends to like classical music

So white it uses "literally" figuratively

So white it heard you say "this song slaps" and thought you were talking about Chris Brown

So white it calls him a "rising star" and/or "thought leader" in the retweet

So white it can tell you the name of every Wu-Tang album, but hasn't listened to any of them

(Also shoutout to the fam @Wu_Tang_Finance 👊)

So white it goes to Starbucks for the WiFi and doesn't get arrested

So white it owns horses

So white it's mad guac costs extra

So white it thought McGregor could beat Mayweather

So white it argues CTE is just part of the game

(What up Larry Fedora!)

So white it says football players are ungrateful

So white it uses "summers" as a verb

So white it Seig Heils at the RNC Convention

So white it's mad Jamaica has a bobsled team

So white it thinks black kids wouldn't get suspended if they'd just behave

So white it's offended by "so white"
jokes

So white it's Definitely Not Mad
Notice, he heard all those racist comments at the country clubs... but kept going back.

Because he decided the social approval was more important.
So white it humblebrags about its wealth by noting all the time it spent at the country club

I was too tbh 😂

So white it thinks mayo is an entree instead of a condiment

So white it glamps

So white it home brews

So white it remarks about whether a beer tastes sufficiently hoppy

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More from @greg_doucette

T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Sep 29, 2018
You would be
Absolutely

Had Dr. Ford given the same testimony in the same manner in court, you'd have a conviction. Prosecutors absolutely care about numbers; this would be an easy win, even without Kavanaugh's testimony.

Read 19 tweets
T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Sep 19, 2018
Without diving into this particular case, this type of attorney letter is a stall tactic when you think you're going to lose on the merits
The latter. Assume this were a run-of-the-mill Title VII case; typically Plaintiff's attorneys strike at the point they have maximum leverage, which Ford had. You delay when you hope some external event will turn up useful info instead

She may very well be telling the truth. But the FBI is not going to investigate, because even if we assume she's telling the 100% truth, there's no *federal* crime that took place. It's a dodge.

Read 200 tweets
T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Sep 6, 2018
T.'s Courtroom Chronicles, #90618

The Case Where Everyone Loses Edition
Some folks were wondering what I was talking about when I tweeted this out yesterday

It was referring to a case where I'd be meeting with a client today

This one:
Read 84 tweets
T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Sep 1, 2018
"Love of police brutality is strongly bipartisan. This is what happens when one party loves 'law & order' and the other one loves public sector unions."
-Me
Soooo you didn't read the linked story

K

Dems have always loved police brutality just as assuredly as Reps. Particularly white liberals who rely on police to keep the poors away.

And writing laws to cover up brutality? It's all aboard

twitter.com/i/moments/7871…
Read 24 tweets
T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Aug 28, 2018
In today's criminal justice news, the Balch Springs PD officer who summarily executed unarmed 15yo black boy #JordanEdwards – and then lied about it to cover it up – has been convicted of murder

Edwards was killed as he and friends peacefully drove away from a lawful house party
Our original thread on the extrajudicial summary execution without due process of Jordan Edwards is here, including the nonsensical police statement released after the shooting

The thread on the indictment is here:
Read 14 tweets
T. Greg Doucette Profile picture
Aug 22, 2018
No. A person being pardoned can refuse it, rendering it ineffective. That was the precise issue in Burdick v US, where Burdick refused to accept the pardon so he couldn't be compelled to testify
There is no exception for pardoning his own crime, that's a myth. He can absolutely pardon co-conspirators

Impeach and remove faster. There's nothing saying they couldn't do all of that in the span of minutes; the procedural requirements for an impeachment trial are a political question courts can't adjudicate. See Nixon v US (*not* US v Nixon)

Read 69 tweets

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