Thread by @thesarahyork

Never ever invoke the ire of Gays™️ like this again, you messy rag of a publication.

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1020098084473397250

I am by no means a Britney stan, in that I don’t have an encyclopedic knowledge of her work nor have I seen her perform live. HOWEVER, as a person whose entire adolescent soundtrack included Britney’s hits as they happened in real time, this take is hot festering trash.

First of all, Britney Spears is a world class dancer. Her choreography from her 2002-2004 shows/videos ALONE would leave Taylor Swift collapsed on the floor in rehearsal sobbing and suing everyone in the room.

Britney Jean Spears came up before streaming and fucking iTunes. She was topping sales charts back when you had to call your friends on their LANDLINE and find out whose mom could drop us off at the mall of your mom could pick everyone up, walk into Sam Goody and BUY HER ALBUM.

Britney got EVERYONE’S attention, and was a household name for literally every reason good or bad. She was and is a fucking institution. She sold out arenas, broke chart records, sold millions of albums, in a time when Lou Pearlman was forcing the NSync boys to live off stipends.

And let’s talk about NSync. And the Backstreet Boys. And 98 Degrees. And O-Town. And LFO. AND FUCK IT LET’S TALK ABOUT BB MAK, I’M NO MONSTER. These groups defined the Boy Band™️ era at the exact same time Britney Spears was dominating the charts. SHE WAS THE ONLY SOLO ACT.

Britney Jean Spears of Kentwood, Louisiana, knew Justin Timberlake from their days on Mickey Mouse Club (oh yeah, she was a child star too you fucking peasants) and deigned to be in a relationship with him around ‘99-‘00. DURING THAT TIME, she endured endless media scrutiny..

Literally every media take at the time speculated on her virginity (she was like 18 at the time, mind you) and she was ceaselessly criticized by pearl-clutchers for having the nerve to be...young and rich and hot AND a woman?! Nobody was demanding to know Justin’s sex secrets.

Anyway, the relationship with Justin ended and he did endless press coyly talking about THEIR sex life, which always ended up somehow being an indictment of HER morality. THEN HE BUILT A CAREER STEALING FROM DECADES’ WORTH OF BLACK MUSICIANS AND NEVER CREDITING ANYONE, FUCK HIM.

Britney Spears continued to top charts and sell out fucking arenas after their breakup, putting out absolute BANGERS like Oops I Did It Again and Toxic, never once capitalizing on the breakup jam trope (at least in the big hits, perhaps there were songs in albums I never heard)

Now is the part where I’m sure all you cut-rate Beckys at @nypost will bring up Kevin Federline, as if none of you ever wasted six months on a “screenwriter” from Tinder who had one pillow and didn’t know his mom’s birthday. In your late twenties. Britney was 23.

She married the guy and had two kids, finally realized he was trash and divorced him. Since then, she’s not once dated a guy whose name anyone would recognize. She’s basically been dating smoking hot younger men and you can’t get a text back from Trevor the part-time barista.

Yes she had a breakdown in 2007 and shaved her head and smacked a car with an umbrella. WHO AMONG US ISN’T ONE SUPREME COURT VACANCY AWAY FROM DOING THE SAME. And nobody is following you or I with cameras at all times! But guess THE FUCK what? After that, she bounced back.

Cut to now, Britney Spears is a fucking pop mogul sitting on wealth she’s accumulated through TWO DECADES of consistent work. She’s an ICON. She had a Vegas residency that she’s now taking on the road and it’ll set you back $355 on StubHub to get in the door to her show in JERSEY

And on top of that? SHE MINDS HER BUSINESS. In a 20-year career under the media microscope, Britney Spears has managed to not say one fucked up thing about ANYONE. She’s an unproblematic fave in a cultural era LITTERED with artists who are allergic to shutting the fuck up.

As I sit here and type this in my regular ass apartment I can barely afford, Britney Spears lives in a mansion with her two kids and is STILL SO RICH that her re-married sperm donor is currently suing her for more child support
google.com/amp/s/people.c…

Britney Spears has defined an entire pop cultural era, created a canon of work that made young people LIVE (particularly young LGBT kids in the early oughts), still sells out shows every week and has a family, no drama and 24 YR OLD RIPPED BOYFRIEND. LOOK AT HIM.

Now let’s talk about Taylor fucking Swift.

I won’t get into ticky-tacky details like which one was more privileged growing up. I’m too many glasses of boxed Rose in to deep-dive into the Spears/Swift tax transcripts from the mid-90s, and white women in pop (and LIFE) are inherently privileged so let’s call it a draw.

My problem with this bullshit “Taylor beats Britney” debate is about consistency and authenticity and message. Taylor began her career at 14 when her upper class parents moved the family to Nashville to (wisely, clearly) capitalize on her Country Girl™️ potential. Phase one.

She started her career firmly marketed in “country”, a genre of music started by black musicians and later fully colonized/capitalized upon by white people, mostly men. This would later prove to be an omen for Taylor Swift’s entire ethos.

Her FIRST single, laughably called “Tim McGraw”, peaked at number 40 on Billboard. Britney’s first single peaked at NUMBER ONE. Britney came out of the gate swinging before TSwift’s team tested the market with a lukewarm faux-country toe-dip.

Her transition from country to pop was a pure marketing maneuver. Britney started in pop and stayed there, unapologetically. Genre aside, Taylor Swift has built an entire career out of being a white damsel in distress—the most dangerous kind of person.

Her ENTIRE canon of work is a collection of tepid breakup ballads about a number of “relationships” with whichever young men were most famous at the MOMENT (ex Taylor Lautner) and the through-line in every song was that she was the innocent, sweet girl wronged by a wayward man.

The weepy breakup songs were phase two for Taylor GlutenFree Swift. She wasn’t content dating Hollywood heavy hitters like *checks notes* Joe Jonas. She had to take it a step further and REALLY elevate her career with the one surefire pop music weapon—appropriating black artists.

Like many white artists, including Britney’s fuckboi exes Justin Timberlake (and why not, Kevin Federline), Taylor Swift just couldn’t help but make a goofy, lily-white caricature out of an entire genre of music invented and innovated by black artists for decades. Behold:

“Shake It Off” is really a fucking wellspring of terrible moments, you guys. Taylor Swift’s entire second act is a baffling concoction of tone-deaf arrogance and feckless pilfering of cultures that she neither understands nor respects. Sip on this.

And let’s not forget her awards show speech (VMAs maybe? Who cares) interrupted by Kanye West* that she parlayed permanently into “Aloof Cute White Girl Yelled At By Black Guy” which riled up a fan base I’ll get into later.

*I know, I know.

Since then, her ENTIRE fucking modus operandi has been performative victimhood and White Lies™️ designed to ensnare anyone who dares to criticize her. See: That Kanye Phone Call Thing where she lied about giving consent for “Famous” without realizing she was being recorded.

Britney, as far as I’ve ever known as a person dialed in to pop culture, doesn’t have a public social life. I imagine she has family and a small circle of old friends. Taylor Swift has a carefully curated crew of “LoL hashtag relatable” white models with 500K instagram followers.

It’s THAT persona—bright white, Innocent™️ in public—that has made her the official It Girl of a white nationalist base that she won’t publicly embrace, and also won’t coherently disavow. This is the logical result of her product.
google.com/amp/s/amp.usat…

Taylor Swift tows the line in every possible way, swaying in the cultural breeze whichever direction suits her the best, at the expense of literally anyone, but mostly creative POC who did good, serious work that she blithely satirizes for likes and streams. Look at this shit.

Also umm hi Britney was and is SEXY. ALL YOU BITCHES were trying to replicate her early oughts moves at dances, and T-Swift is ripping off Lemonade moving like a newborn giraffe learning to walk in an ice rink. She has all the sex appeal of a tax audit and none of the charm.

Britney has the good sense to stay in her lane while you Bath&Body Works Sweet Pea smelling Allisons at @nypost breathlessly stan a cultural parasite—an unoriginal, un-fun, xerox of a xerox of a sentient chevron throw pillow from Target. You owe Britney an apology.

I don’t KNOW the details of how Britney operates, I just know that I benefit from her product. When it comes to pop conversations, Britney is omnipresent and necessary. She’s the power grid. Taylor is shiny, triggering and useless, like your racist aunt Deb’s bedazzled MAGA hat.

Honestly this is just one long-form #ad for #VRACrose and they are welcome to DM me for sponsorship

None of this matters anyway, as the one and only queen of pop, the true GOAT, is Janet Jackson and that is not up for debate. Goodnight.

/end rant