Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 208 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- ‘‘My wife can keep malice with me for months! Is she even a Christian?’ If you missed it, get it here bit.ly/2JEtfDa #MrMrsBetterHalf

3. This week’s episode situation is: ‘I earn more than my husband and as a result, he doesn’t buy me anything and it really hurts. Is this right?’ As we dive into this I have 2 questions. #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. Have you always earned more than your spouse and if there was a time he earned more, was he generous to you then? Conversely, was he generous when he earned more and suddenly stopped when you started earning more? #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. The reason I bring this up is that generosity is a state of heart. You may be dealing with someone who is not generous regardless of how much he earns. If you’re not generous with little you’re unlikely to be generous with much. #MrMrsBetterHalf

6. If your spouse used to give out of compulsion, i.e. because he didn’t have a choice but to fend for you, it doesn’t mean he was generous, which is why at the slightest opportunity, he has been able to convince himself it is unnecessary to give. #MrMrsBetterHalf

7. A generous person will give regardless of whether s/he has a lot. They will readily give of their substance, time, and heart when they see an opportunity to give. So if you are not giving then it’s a reflection of the state of your heart. #MrMrsBetterHalf

8. This is worth mentioning: while this topic came from a woman and societally it is expected that men fend for and be generous to their families, understand that men also feel hurt when their wives are not generous to them. #MrMrsBetterHalf

9. Some women feel that a man is just a tap: that he only exists to give and that he doesn’t need to receive. This is not true. Your man wants to receive from you too. He also wants to feel loved and appreciated by you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

10. Some ladies will immediately list out all the things they do in and around the house that prove their love. This is true and appreciated. However, a man could also have receiving gifts as his love language. #MrMrsBetterHalf

11. I know that I appreciate it when I get gifts from my wife and I’m sure that some other men do too. So I think I speak for the men when I say we also do not mind receiving gifts now and again. All in favour say ‘aye’. 😀 😀 #MrMrsBetterHalf

12. Now if your spouse or the person you’re dating is stingy, the good news is that this is not a terminal condition and s/he can change if s/he really loves you. But the stingy person must want to change- you can’t change him/her. #MrMrsBetterHalf

13. If this person doesn’t love you, then you’re hitting your head against a brick wall. But that’s a different situation. For this episode, we will assume your spouse loves you but doesn't know how to express it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

14. The first thing is for you to help them to grasp the nature of love. Love is expressed through giving. Why do we buy gifts or do things for people we love? To please them and to show them they were on our minds. #MrMrsBetterHalf

15. Demonstrate this by being generous to him too. Now some may tell you that they are happy without your gifts and may even try to insist that you stop. This is not an unusual stance because stingy people are even stingy to themselves. #MrMrsBetterHalf

16. Stingy people are not comfortable with people being generous to them, as they feel compelled to reciprocate the gesture. To them, kindness always has strings attached and so they live their lives strictly on the principle of give and take. #MrMrsBetterHalf

17. This ‘give and take’ mentality is taken into marriage. They are not willing to give and not receive a commensurate gesture and conversely are not willing to receive what they don’t want to give. It’s such a caged way to live. #MrMrsBetterHalf

18. If you struggle with generosity please understand that stinginess is a state of mind that suggests that the more you give the poorer you are. This is false. Actually, the more generous you are, the richer you become. #MrMrsBetterHalf

19. This is because the world runs on the principle of sowing and reaping. As long as you have seed in the ground you will reap a harvest. Whether the seed is sown in your home, your spouse, your business or a charity. It will grow. #MrMrsBetterHalf

20. Now, this doesn’t mean you should buy your wife perfume and expect that she must also rush out to buy you perfume in return, don’t limit the operation of your seed. It can yield so much more than that! #MrMrsBetterHalf

21. If you are kind and generous to your wife, you will reap the rewards of your actions in varied ways. In peace in your home, in warmth, in support and yes, even in reciprocal generosity. Don’t trap yourself in a cycle of lack. #MrMrsBetterHalf

22. Wives, in addition to living by example, COMMUNICATE. Tell your husband (do not nag) that one way you know that you are on his mind is when he gives you something- whether it is a gift or even money to buy yourself a gift. #MrMrsBetterHalf

23. Now sometimes the pushback from we men is that we are generous in other areas. Sir, put your money when your mouth is. If you love your wife, bring out the money to show it. The proof of love is being able to give where it hurts. #MrMrsBetterHalf

24. So please try it out. Step by step, practice generosity. It will free up your heart and enrich your home. Find out ways you can be generous and practice them. It may feel strange at first but soon you will enjoy the lifestyle of giving. #MrMrsBetterHalf

25. Now it is possible that you want to be generous but now that your spouse earns more than you, you feel that you cannot possibly give your spouse any gift that he or she will cherish as his or her tastes have elevated beyond your pocket. #MrMrsBetterHalf

26. I think that while this is possible, you should still make an effort- particularly if your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts. This doesn’t mean you should rob a bank, but try another tactic. #MrMrsBetterHalf

27. If your wife really loves you and knows what you earn, I doubt that she would expect you to steal so that you can buy her big-ticket items. If she feels this way then you need to have a conversation with her to bring her to reality. #MrMrsBetterHalf

28. Many people with this love language are not necessarily impressed by the size of the gift; they tend to prefer frequency. So think of something your spouse likes that will not break the bank but will be a gift s/he will enjoy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

29. When my wife earned more than I did, I used to bring home things like suya (barbecue) and corn that I knew she liked regularly while I would save to buy the big-ticket items on special occasions like her birthday, our anniversary, etc. #MrMrsBetterHalf

30. As my income increased I was able to do more in terms of the quality of the gifts but you know what? Even now she still appreciates the street snacks just as much as she does the fancy gifts. Sometimes the thought really does count. #MrMrsBetterHalf

31. But this is not to say that you should buy your spouse only cheap things when you can afford better. Let your spending be commensurate with how much you love and value your spouse- and that should be a lot. #MrMrsBetterHalf

32. Ladies, now another thing is that your man may just be oblivious to the fact that you just want him to give you something. Can you please just let him know? It would make life easier for you both. #MrMrsBetterHalf

33. There are times when my wife just tells me she wants me to pay for something. It could be her hair or a dress or something. Mind you, she has money- but she just wants me to gift it to her. So I take the hint and I do it! #MrMrsBetterHalf

34. Sometimes your wife just wants to feel pampered and taken care of even though she can actually take care of herself. If you are married to a strong industrious woman don’t assume she doesn’t want to be taken care of. #MrMrsBetterHalf

35. Don't brush aside your woman’s need to feel protected, sheltered and taken care of. Love and provide for her and things like respect becomes a non-issue. In fact, she will go through hell or high water with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

36. Finally, while there is no rule that says a man must earn more than his wife, make sure you are pulling your weight in the family. Make sure that you are a good provider- that you can pay the bills and that your family is taken care of. #MrMrsBetterHalf

37. Except you have a system where you are the homemaker and your wife is the one who goes to work, which is fine- make sure you are striving to be an exemplary head of your home. Don’t be a clown. #MrMrsBetterHalf

38. Even if you are the homemaker ensure you are providing leadership by the value you add to your home and to your spouse. Find ways of being industrious and still provide for and protect your home. Your family needs it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

39. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf

40. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf