#swearygodmothertip
2: Make sure to put two sets of cut-glass tumblers on your wedding list, otherwise you’ll be short at larger dinner parties.
2: Make sure to put two sets of cut-glass tumblers on your wedding list, otherwise you’ll be short at larger dinner parties.
#swearygodmothertip
3: Ask a properly-educated friend how to pronounce ‘hyperbole’. Practice until you can say it correctly and fluently. Then one can pass for ‘one of us’ in social situations.
3: Ask a properly-educated friend how to pronounce ‘hyperbole’. Practice until you can say it correctly and fluently. Then one can pass for ‘one of us’ in social situations.
#swearygodmothertip
5: Remember! It only counts as charity work if not a soul knows about it. If you can forget you did it, you’re doing well.
5: Remember! It only counts as charity work if not a soul knows about it. If you can forget you did it, you’re doing well.
6: On the charity front, when one is invited to chair a committee, graciously accept and then ask the hardest-working, shyest woman you can find to be the secretary. She does all the work, you get all the credit. And you don’t have to say a word about it!
#swearygodmothertip
7: Make sure to buy two copies of the Telegraph. When you complete the crossword, take the spare copy onto a crowded train carriage and fill in the answers as quickly as you can, thus ensuring that your fellow passengers can bask in your reflected glory.
7: Make sure to buy two copies of the Telegraph. When you complete the crossword, take the spare copy onto a crowded train carriage and fill in the answers as quickly as you can, thus ensuring that your fellow passengers can bask in your reflected glory.
#swearygodmothertip
8: If it sounds French, find another word. Swiftly.
❌ serviette, settee, lounge, dessert, toilet
✅ napkin, sofa, sitting room, pudding, loo
8: If it sounds French, find another word. Swiftly.
❌ serviette, settee, lounge, dessert, toilet
✅ napkin, sofa, sitting room, pudding, loo
#swearygodmothertip
9: Insisting that one is middle class instantly identifies you as working class.
9: Insisting that one is middle class instantly identifies you as working class.
#swearygodmothertip
10: yes, we know @SwearyGodmother does awful things like ski and speak like a cut-glass plum. Each of these shocking ‘revelations’ is hilarious. Please make sure to pap her in Waitrose. Keep us entertained 👏
10: yes, we know @SwearyGodmother does awful things like ski and speak like a cut-glass plum. Each of these shocking ‘revelations’ is hilarious. Please make sure to pap her in Waitrose. Keep us entertained 👏
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
