Thread by @Rose_D_Luna

1/ How a science dream can quickly turn into a #sexualmisconduct/#sexualabuse nightmare (A thread)
I've come to realize (specially on Twitter) that many people just assume everyone is supposed to understand things as they do, but the problem is that's a sheltered mindset...

2/ For a girl who loves science/sees scientists as basically god-like creatures of knowledge, coming in direct contact with an actual scientist in the field she loves can be a dream come true, specially if that scientist offers her the chance to be a part of that world...

3/ But what happens when this dreaming turns into a nightmare, well let me tell you... self loathing happens, fear happens, guilt over feeling stupid for trusting people happens. How do I know this? Because I'm talking about myself.

4/ I met a man, a scientist, well known, trusted by many, part of a government agency I absolutely adore, and to me, a girl who just very recently started to understand she can infact do things she loves, his very attention was a source of pride, I felt "worthy"

5/ This man/professor/scientist and I started to talk, more and more regularly about my love of the cosmos, my dreams of space exploration, and the excitement of him already being a part of that world. I admired him, I was naive. One day he says to me...

6/ "How would you like to go on a meteor tracking expedition?" After I freaked out and put myself back together to seem "cool" I replied how much I'd love that but expressed my concerns over me not being an official member of the team. He reassured me being the lead scientist...

7/ We discussed what was involved in said expedition, and the other team members that were to accompany us. I was so excited I mentioned it to some people, someone even said "Oh wow you're corresponding with so so, that's epic" so yea I felt important of course...

8/ Then one day this scientist/professor/this man who was living my dreams asks me "Do you have a bf?" Usually that's the kiss of death for me because I know what's coming, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I responded and we kept talking...

9/ Then he asked me if I like wine, I said yes, already apprehensive so I tried to take the convo back to the expedition. It didn't work, he asked if I didn't have an issue with sharing a tent with him at the site, I asked if we all had to share tents, he said yes...

10/ Then the conversation started getting really uncomfortable, he started to talk about how great it'll be to be in that tent in the middle of nowhere having some wine under the stars and that I wouldn't have to worry about getting cold because he would keep me warm...

11/By then I was already feeling absolutely stupid, but so big is my love of science/space, that for a second I actually thought "Omg Rose, maybe he's just talk, if you go to this that would give you cred in the scientific community for the future" I was disgusted with myself...

12/ So I smiled it off, didn't talk to him for the next few hours and decided to tell someone about how I was feeling, this person didn't know what to do so he asked another woman for her opinion. The overall reaction was shock basically...

13/See, because I had never been anywhere near science/scientists and it was my dream, I actually thought maybe this is the kind of thing one has to put up with to get ahead. I didn't have anyone to talk to and this was all only 2yrs ago. I kept crying, getting angry...

14/ So I finally decided to answer his texts, even to that point I was making excuses for him thinking maybe he was lonely, and that by now with the time without talking he would've realized that what he did was wrong. He didn't, he started asking me what I was wearing 5 mins in

15/The first thing I thought of before speaking was "I can't believe this is my first chance at something I love and I'm about to kill it" and then I asked him straight up "Is this all you wanted, to get me in bed, did you ever cared about me as a person at all?"

16/ He acted shocked, as if he didn't know what I was talking about, as if I had crossed a line, before I knew it I was explaining myself to him. This made me realize that this wasn't his first time doing this, he was a pro.

17/ Because of his refusal to own up to anything that was said, I took screenshots of some of the convos, and sent them to someone as proof, but because I knew no one in science, I didn't think of myself as important, and he was well established I considered it lost cause...

18/ I stopped talking to him, deleted him, and drowned myself in self pity, disgust, anger, I cried a lot and I'm not a crier. To me, a grown woman who, to many "should know better" this was devastating. Not because of his behavior, I have tons of experience with sexual abuse...

19/ The reason why this was so hard is cause in my ridiculously naive mind these things weren't done by "great men" specially those in science-the absolute love of my life. Not all of us are born with the privilege of "knowing better" not all of us are born with privilege at all

20/ To teachers/mentors/professors/etc. Please don't use your power for selfish, harmful reasons, please understand that what you do carries on. My story isn't the first and it won't be the last, which is why it's important to speak up about them...

21/ He has reached out to me a few times after that, when he realized he wasn't going to get me in bed he stopped. To this day I think of how I almost put myself at risk because I wanted to be part of something great, something I've loved even before I knew what science was...

22/22 To this day I can't make him own up to what happened because in science, he is important and I am not.
Point of this story?
Titles, popularity, recognition mean nothing vs character. Nothing at all and they never will. I've made it my responsibility to make that clear.

Here's an added observation, a lot of people involved in space unfollowed me right after I posted this. Both men and women, one of those was actually sending me "support messages" like 2 days ago (a woman) In case you wonder why people don't speak up, because there's no support.

For people inquiring/tagging with not being naive: plz don't.
I grew up poor, survived domestic and sexual abuse, lived on the streets, buried a daughter, put myself through school, and I'm a single mother of a boy. I'm not naive about life, I was about STEM. Get it straight