Apparently it's #InternationalCatDay . So, let me tell you about my cat, who decided to attack me a few weeks back with chemical weapons. His name is Felix, and he is getting old and cranky /1
I have to use a CPAP machine at night to help me breathe as I have sleep apnoea. This device forces compressed air into my mouth and nose to keep my airways open. This sits down by my bedside. /2
One night recently, Felix decided that this machine belonged to him now, and did what all cats do: he sprayed it. I got concentrated tomcat musk forced into my lungs at three in the morning, waking me in the most horrible fashion imaginable. /3
I tore the mask off my face gasping for air. My better half slept through it all of course. It took the best part of the day to get the taste and smell from my nasal passages. Don't try to tell me that Russian intelligence wasn't involved in this. /4
I wonder if I am possible the only person alive or dead that this has ever happened to. In fact, after that, it's a miracle I am still alive. And that the cat is, too /5
So, on #InternationalCatDay , please remember that you are sharing the house with a potential bio/chemo-terrorist, and treat them with great suspicion and caution. They may look cute, but they're evil little sods at heart /6
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