Stop coming up to those of us with marginalized identities *after* the meeting and telling us how you “really appreciated” what we said or how you’re “sorry for how you were treated.”
SAY THAT IN THE MEETING.
It is literally one of the most irksome things in the world to have “allies” claim they have your back in private but we’re silent in public. Or who say it to ME and not our superiors.
If. You. Don’t. Say. It. When. Or. To. Whom. It. Matters. It. Doesn’t. Count.
And I’d like to say I tell “allies” this every time it happens...but it happens SO MUCH that I’d be exhausted.
It’s exhausting to be courageous and marginalized in shared spaces and stand alone til the meeting is wrapped.
Nah-I need to know who my friends are *now,* not later.
Choosing silence is a waste of your privilege-provilege that could be used to call attention, hold people to account, and actually walk your talk.
“I don’t want to rock the boat” = “I want to hold on to my privilege.”
'Self care' is more than massages, nail appointments and vacations.
It is therapy, health care, healthy relationships, authentic living, and saying no.
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation. And that is an act of political warfare.' - Audre Lorde.
I feel the need to say this after a conversation with a friend, as we discussed how poorly we've come to interpret that word. And as I've evolved in my own understanding, I am responsible to share what I learn.
Political warfare is more than a half-day off.
I also have discovered:
Delegation is self-care. Not only does it keep things off your plate, it requires that *other* people no longer make *you* responsible for *their* stuff.
Escaping the mule stance is the epitome of political warfare.