Thread by @MarigaThoithi

Many men are raising kids who aren't theirs. Statistically, women aren't too far behind on the cheating competition and they're closing the gap rapidly. DNA testing has become cheaper. Do it. Everyone thinks that they're the exception. You're probably not

#MasculinityKE

Women are punished more by society for cheating and thus they've evolved to hiding it much better because of the cost of being caught. No one believes that their girl is cheating on them yet they know that women cheat, too.

#MasculinityKE

We're taught to believe in the purity/innocence of women and that's also reflective in our search for the "good girls"

That means that you don't even look too hard for signs of cheating of a man because "my girl wouldn't cheat on me

#MasculinityKE

Men don't cheat in a vacuum. They cheat with women. Men aren't punished much for it so they can be honest about it in public and even in research/ surveys.

#MasculinityKE

When national disasters have happened in different parts of Kenya, the government resorts to stop doing the DNA testing with fathers because of the amount of drama it brings up and secrets it reveals. Why do you believe you're an exception?

#MasculinityKE

DNA tests broach the topic of trust which is sensitive but this trust is having you pay the time for someone else's pleasure. Yes, parenting is beautiful, parenting due to deceit, I wouldn't say as much

#MasculinityKE

This isn't a new discussion though- I remember my grandmother explaining one of the reasons that the husbands mother would visit the child and the mother with her friends to "look at the baby"

#MasculinityKE

Are you ready for the answers you might get though?. If you find out that the child is not yours early enough, you can leave. Beyond a certain point, you'll legally be obligated to take care of the child whether or not its biologically yours

#MasculinityKE

If you want to walk away, feel free to with absolutely no guilt. The baby is not yours and you're not abandoning it. It's the responsibility of the two people who made it.

#MasculinityKE

If you want to go on raising the child, that's well and good too but I advocate for informed decisions

#MasculinityKE

There's also the societal story kosokoso that "if a woman cheats, it must have been something you did/ weren't doing/ weren't paying attention" etc and so it's humiliating to find out you were being cheated on so many men would rather not know. Let's debunk that
#MasculinityKE

The excuse I've heard many times is that she does that because you're more likely to take care of the child and you're more responsible. That's not a compliment. That's selfish, disrespectful and a reflection of her as a person

#MasculinityKE

I talk to more and more men in this situation and don't know what to do especially because they find out the paternity years later.

#MasculinityKE

You're not the reason the child might suffer. The child would suffer because of deceit by the mother, a decision you have nothing to do with.

#MasculinityKE