scout quinn Profile picture
Aug 21, 2018 15 tweets 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
since Australian politics is heating up, let's clear up a few facts about Antony Green.
Antony Green is a man of great power and discretion in political circles in Australia.
Antony Green invented the #auspol hashtag
he has the power to tell you who the prime minister is several hours from now, unlike every other Australian who can't reliably tell you who the prime minister is in the current moment.
Antony Green sleeps in a sarcophagus made of ballot boxes under the ABC.
the host of the 7.30 Report, currently Leigh Sales, is contractually obliged to perform an ancient ritual to sustain Green in times of political calm.
Green emerges only in times of political turmoil, often hours before the first signs that something is about to happen in Australian politics.
Laura Tingle is often the first to know that Antony Green has arisen, due to a pact between Green and the chief political correspondent.
the first recorded sighting of Antony Green was when he called the election of Edmund Barton.
while he was not seen before Federation, it is believed that Antony Green first appeared in Ancient Greece.
Antony Green called the Dismissal hours before it happened. it is thought that Sir John Kerr was forced into the 1975 constitutional crisis because the future had been set.
for this reason, some politicans pray to Antony Green for a favourable call on election night.
Antony Green is believed to know the contents of the Hansard before it is recorded.
Antony Green can hear what happens in the party room during a spill, thanks to his superhuman hearing.
it is believed that the enigma of Antony Green will last as long as the Commonwealth of Australia.

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