Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 213 of #MrMrsBetterHalf Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic-“We’ve been trying for years to have a child. Medically neither of us is at fault but my husband went ahead and had a child outside. I’m devastated...”If you missed it, get it here bit.ly/2vT3R8R. #MrMrsBetterHalf

3. This week’s question is, “What do you do if you find out the person you are dating is impotent or sterile?” Now while these are conditions most often attributed to men, women also suffer sterility aka infertility and impotence. #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. Now considering the subject matter is one that is of an intimate nature, as a pastor the first thing I would probably ask the person enquiring is, ‘how did you know?’ If you’re anything like me, that may have been your question too. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. Now barring the obvious, that you are already being intimate with this person, the other way you may know is if the person was already aware of his or her medical condition and decided to be upfront about it. Let’s examine the issues. #MrMrsBetterHalf

6. What is sterility? Sterility is an inability to reproduce. It can occur as a result of genetics, some habits, behaviours, diseases, accidents and even treatments. E.g. alcohol and drug abuse, cancer treatments, high fevers and so on. #MrMrsBetterHalf

7. Impotence on the other hand for a man is the inability to maintain a penile erection to perform intercourse. In women, it’s known as female sexual dysfunction evidenced by persistent problems with sexual response, orgasm or pain. #MrMrsBetterHalf

8. Now regardless of how you came to experience infertility or sterility, as part of vulnerability in a relationship, if you want to marry someone you should tell him or her about your condition before you get married. #MrMrsBetterHalf

9. Many people think that being honest before marriage will mean you will end up alone because your partner will break up with you. You forget that your partner can just as easily leave you after marriage- s/he can even get an annulment. #MrMrsBetterHalf

10. Another problem with waiting until after marriage is that entrapment (which is what it is) erodes trust. Your spouse will feel betrayed because you willfully lied (or omitted to tell the truth) about something that would affect both your futures. #MrMrsBetterHalf

11. Does that mean that you should tell everyone you are dating your medical history? No. When dating, ask the right questions so that you can get a sense of how your partner deals with issues or challenges of this nature. #MrMrsBetterHalf

12. You would be surprised that people are not as fickle as you think and that as you help to guide their thoughts, people can become less judgemental and more willing to face certain challenges with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

13. Once you think that you’ve found a mate that you love enough whom you think would be willing to hear you out and keep your confidence, then share this situation with him or her. If s/he can’t deal with it then it’s his or her loss. #MrMrsBetterHalf

14. Now to the question of the day: what should you do when you find out the person you plan to marry is impotent/sterile? In other words, should you marry him or her? Let me answer the question with some questions of my own. #MrMrsBetterHalf

15. What if your partner develops early arthritis, diabetes, or some other condition? Would you break up or would you forge ahead? What if his/her family has a history of asthma? Or strokes? Or high blood pressure? Would you break up? #MrMrsBetterHalf

16. You might think that is not the same situation but actually, it is. People have baggage- the baggage just differs from person to person. Don’t overinflate the situation in your mind; challenges are meant to be tackled. #MrMrsBetterHalf

17. The truth is that in marriage you will battle some giants whether you like it or not. The fact that you know one giant’s nature upfront is actually an advantage. What if infertility or impotence occurs after marriage? Then what? Won't you face it? #MrMrsBetterHalf

18. Believe it or not, there are several couples you know today that faced or are facing infertility or sexual performance issues- they just won’t tell you. What you need to do is arm yourself with information and your options. #MrMrsBetterHalf

19. First, please note that infertility and impotence are not death sentences. In many cases, they can be treated. Medications, dietary and lifestyle changes and even certain exercises have been proven to address some of the issues. #MrMrsBetterHalf

20. It is important that you both know the full extent of the issue you are dealing with. Get a full medical examination done with an independent medical professional and let him or her give you the full report including worst-case scenarios. #MrMrsBetterHalf

21. Next answer the tough questions. If infertility is the issue, are you willing to go through fertility treatments? What if they don’t work? Will you explore other fertility options like getting a donor? Are you willing to adopt? #MrMrsBetterHalf

22. What if the issue is impotence? Again, are you willing to undergo medication and treatment and counselling? Do you accept that lovemaking will probably not be spontaneous, as your partner may need medical aid first? #MrMrsBetterHalf

23. What if all attempts to repair the situation fail? Will you be open to other options that are medically available to satisfy you sexually even though it won’t be through regular consummation? These are the hard questions. #MrMrsBetterHalf

24. Another thing is that the partner who suffers from infertility or impotence must not play the victim. Is s/he willing to do the work? Go to hospitals, explore options, make sacrifices, etc.? He or she must rise above the circumstances too. #MrMrsBetterHalf

25. I will not minimize the importance of sex and procreation in marriage. This is why I’m emphasizing that in tackling the challenge; ensure you don’t tackle it blind. It will not necessarily be an easy road but you can still succeed. #MrMrsBetterHalf

26. Now if you are a Christian, you also have the privilege of prayer. There is no condition that God cannot reverse. You can ask Him to turn the situation around. He’s done it before and He can do it again. #MrMrsBetterHalf

27. Does that mean you should wait for the miracle to materialize before you marry? While that is your choice, I think you are putting yourselves under too much pressure. Especially on the person who has the condition. #MrMrsBetterHalf

28. Rather than issue conditions or ‘spiritual ultimatums’, the ball is in your court; decide whether or not you want to marry this person for better or worse. S/he should not have to jump hoops to marry you. Make your decision and act on it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

29. If you decide to go ahead with the relationship ensure that in trusting God for a miracle you don’t put undue pressure on the relationship. I see this a lot as a pastor. People run from prayer house to prayer house seeking miracles. #MrMrsBetterHalf

30. When those pursuits don’t yield instant results, the cycle of raised and dashed hopes takes its toll and before long the marriage only revolves around the problem and you forget about the other things that you loved about each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf

31. When you ask in faith, understand that God will do it in the season that HE considers being perfect timing. Sometimes it is instantaneous, sometimes it’s in increasing measure and sometimes you will have to be patient. #MrMrsBetterHalf

32. Remember also that healing can come through the wisdom of doctors, dieticians and even a lifestyle change. Be open to all the avenues God has made available to you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

33. Again I advise that you don’t put your lives on hold pending the resolution of this situation. Live life to the fullest. Be in love. Be kind to each other. Be affectionate. Build a home. Do well at work. Adopt if you so desire. Live life! #MrMrsBetterHalf

34. Remember that life is not all about sex and procreation- friendship, love and companionship are still very strong foundations for marriage. Don't let this situation define your life together. #MrMrsBetterHalf

35. Finally, if you consider all of this and cannot cope with it, then you're better off ending the relationship. Do NOT go about spreading stories about his or her condition to others. That’s an invasion of his or her privacy and is a cruel thing to do. #MrMrsBetterHalf

36. Respect his or her honesty and courage. That's a person of integrity right there. And if anyone who is reading this is going through such a situation, keep being honest and courageous. You’ll find a mate that will be worthy of you. #MrMrsBetterHalf

37. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf

38. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf