Thread by @AlexandraErin

You know, I did not expect to get an #Alfie in 2016, even if they were awarded, and even if I was the first alternate position off the ballot, because it was just so obvious to me that the work people were nominating me for only existed in response to the Sad/Rabid Puppies.

So I didn't feel like I'd been robbed of anything that their efforts kept me off the ballot; if they didn't exist, I'd have been nowhere near it in the first place.

So I was completely unprepared when I got called up to the stage. I think I went on the wrong way; I know I walked off the wrong way. I misplaced the trophy back stage and was too embarrassed to tell anyone (it was found and returned to me.)

I did not feel cheated to be kept off the Hugo ballot but I was honored as all get out to be handed an Alfie.

And it just underscored how small the mindset behind the puppy campaigns was. I've watched friends get eaten up inside as their two years of eligibility for the Campbell award ticked away, or as their best work isn't noticed in its publication year...

The idea that you could launch a multiyear vendetta because you were *nominated* for the Campbell, you made the shortlist of authors out of all the debut authors in your years, you were singled out and your name is now part of sci-fi/fantasy history, but you didn't win?

I like to joke about "rewards mean more when they come from your peers" because, you know, @GRRMspeaking handed it to me, but he was just acting on the ballot data, which reflected that the community *did* think of me, and that really does mean the world.

And I know I said that are the time on my blog but it just wells up in me again every award season. If I am never closer to the Hugo ballot than I was that year I will still remain equal parts flattered and honored by that communal gesture.

(That's not going to stop me from trying.)