Thread by @Onkel_Jo

Saddle in people, it's storytime #DnD: Party is trapped in a ginormous illusion/sim (think Matrix, or rather Saints Row 4, but fantasy) that syphons off power off the spells they've used & they still are mostly clueless. Never laughed/cried so hard in anything I DMed as today.

The hints were small until today. Things were "too good to be true", monsters nerfed, creating big badass moments to keep the players complacent (and here I thought I taught them better...). They rose through the adventurer ranks at breakneck speed, until finally...

they were named "Protectors of the Realm", and presented to the king who awarded them a keep on the outskirts of town. Biggest mass of people they had seen in the campaign yet, thousands of people down to party in the streets.

Unbeknownst to them the illusion started fraying at the seams due to the massive amount of people it needed to show. Nat 20 Perception check had them spot identical faces in the masses. MASSIVE FREAKOUT ENSUES. Panic. Hysteria. You name it they got it; They had become complacent.

So the sudden revelation that not all was as it seemed hit them like a truck. I, foolish DM that I am, thought it would shock them enough to lay low for a while, especially with how cautious they were because they're all undead. What they did do was march into the palace.

Then they ask the right hand of the king, a cleric, for advice. As Undead. They had the chance to turn around and run. They didn't. They were promptly turned, and had to watch as their Barbarian NPC friend was banished and their Cleric NPC friend MDKed by a Guardian of Faith.

The Druid had her first taste of how awesome beastform is for tanking and eventually whittled the Cleric down enough for the baddie to bamf out of there, despite almost massacring the party up to that point. She dropped a poison bomb upon leaving, almost did the whole party in.

Big Boom. They hear lots of armored footsteps outside the door, panic, and take the quickest route out of there: the windows. From 20ft above ground. Druid fumbles the landing (Nat 1) and takes full fall damage. Enough to knock her out. Leaves sabre cat formed dent in the ground.

Gets healed & they try to run for it. Middle of the palace courtyard of the capital of the realm. 200k people in town. Shit ton of guards swarm the palace after big boom. Portcullis gets dropped. PANIC. Druid goes Big Effing Bird. Not enough claws for all party members.

They hastily take off, ranger fails strength check, falls off his wolf. Ties rope to arrow, wants to hit BFB-Druid (who is very adamant that noone shoots her, for any reason). Ranger still tries. MISSES. Bard catches arrow with mage hand. Tries to jam arrow in Druid hide.

FAILS THE ATTACK. Few indignant druid cries later, Bard discovers the wonders of holding on to rope instead of jamming arrows into his friend. Both manage to hold on. Soldiers fire their crossbows. Druid avoids most of them, still takes enough to drop form & fall to FALL DAMAGE.

Again btw. Bard in her claws does too. Ranger succumbs to hail of arrows. Fade to Black. IRL LUNCH BREAK. Killing people sure helps the appetite. Party contemplates new characters after assumed TPK over sad meatloaf. Return to the table: SURPRISE! Just in jail.

Ranger didn't use magic in town until that point (stroke of luck, definitely not foresight); therefore just the other two are kept asleep with poison. Casts "Speak with Animals" to interrogate a rat. Most. Incompetent. Interrogator. Ever. Return of the meta pigeon.

Ranger gets guilt-tripped out of his dried jerky supply by the rat. Does get enough information to attempt a jailbreak. Poison is applied via dagger (shallow cuts to the arms). Tries to look asleep when jailor comes. Botches the surprise attack. AGAIN. Awkward stare-off.

Ranger wrestles dagger away from guard, knocks him out - slashes his throat for good measure. This is where we will pick up next time; or perhaps we'll try Curse of Strahd, to calm down from this ordeal.

TL;DR: Today's #DnD session retelling featuring: Emotional rollercoasters (tm). Harebrained escape attempts. Assumed TPKs. Fall damage as adventurers' worst nightmare. Players coming to terms with DM's mind games. Hilarity ensues. Too crazy to be scripted.

@threadreaderapp unroll please