Thread by @emmykegler

Good morning, beloveds.

In 2013, which I affectionately refer to as The Year Of All The Mistakes, I lived in a friend's basement for six months.

And one day I laid on the floor of the bathroom furious with everyone who loved me -- because it meant I couldn't kill myself.

I had ended the relationship I thought I'd be in forever. I wasn't sure anyone would ever want to marry me. I had no idea where I was going to live. I wanted to become a pastor but felt like a complete failure at my internship.

My ever-present depression had taken a death grip.

I felt ashamed to reach out, because I didn't want anyone to know how bad it was. I wanted to look strong. I didn't want to burden someone.

And I was so, so angry that people loved me.

I knew I couldn't die, and I lay there absolutely furious.

After a long time I texted my friend Lisa and asked if she'd make sure I went to an Al-Anon meeting later that night, because I didn't want her to know how bad it was and I also knew it was pretty bad.

And she did.

And I went.

And the next day I called my therapist and asked to see the staff psychiatrist, and two weeks he put me on citalopram.

And the next day I took the dog for a walk and went to class.

And the Sunday after that I dragged something in the form of a sermon out of me.

Things did not get better all at once. But day by day, with Al-Anon and meds and sunshine and dogs, they did get better.

And now, five years after I laid on that floor, I am marrying a woman of incredible beauty and kindness and intelligence, whose wide heart has taken me in.

Five years later I am working at a church I love, and sometimes still preaching by the skin of my teeth -- but now because I am so enamored and hopeful for where we might be going as a community.

Five years later I am staring at the copyedits of my first book.

Five years later I am still on citalopram, and I still don't do as well without sunshine and dogs, and I carry my Al-Anon two year chip to remind me how far I've come.

Listen, my beloveds:

Don't you give up.

Make the phone call that will get you through this day.

There may be a life of unimaginable beauty just a few years away.

#WorldSuicidePreventionDay