There's this pervasive narrative that says that people who don't "get over" abuse and assault just aren't strong enough.
Maya Angelou was raped
And Oprah was raped
And Aretha was raped
And look at them—such strong examples of survival.
Stop.
No.
Listen to yourself.
Maya and Oprah and Aretha accomplished wonderful, magnificent things.
Come at me with, "Wow, they're so strong despite their trauma," & all I hear is, "It's on survivors to rise above; to repair unchecked toxicity, misogyny, and violence. After the fact. Bc ppl just gonna rape."
Respectfully, kindly:
get
the
fuck
gone
with
that
victim-
blaming
bullshit.
In the name of Our Lady, the Blessed Beyoncé and may we be blessed with the cutting wit of one-hundred-and-seven-million Twitter burns by @chrissyteigen,
It's important to note the very personal, very impactful and damaging nature of internalizing the message: "I don't believe you."
Let me say this "out loud," because I needed it said to me:
Just because someone else says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I was 12 when I was raped.
You know what I was most afraid of? I was most afraid of getting in trouble for having let someone into the house while my family was away. I was most afraid of having to explain that I only invited him in to help him with math homework.
I was 12.
Nevermind I'd been brutally raped at knifepoint; I couldn't tell anyone. What if they demanded to know why I let him inside? What if they asked if I liked him? If I led him on?
Had I? I wondered.
I cleaned up, I showered 10 times, I cried for weeks. Then, I survived.
Here's the story of how my trauma put a literal hole in my abdomen.
I'm typing as I go; please forgive typos and/or wonky syntax. And try to forgive me if halfway through it I delete and/or disappear. This story, this experience are still pretty raw.
Also, let me go ahead & disclaim:
I am no one. I am an authority on nothing.
I don't have a license to practice anything but driving.
Please never construe anything I ever say as medical, legal, or other advice.
Y'all familiar w/the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study? Published in 1998 & the basis for hundreds more pubs, which point to childhood trauma's impact across lifespan: the higher your "dose" of childhood trauma, the worse later outcomes tend to be