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Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
@SethCotlar
Sep 20, 2018 • 16 tweets • 5 min read • Read on X
"Yes, I meant to eat that dolphin steak," Tom said porpoisefully. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I've been clearing this old insulation out of my attic all day and can barely breathe," Tom said, asbestos he could.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I'm thinking of vacationing somewhere near Romania or the Ukraine," Tom said, as he Moldova his travel plans.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
Hearing that a member of The Monkeys had died, Tom was so sad he could only mutter, “Mikey Dolenz-es.”
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Gosh, I just have no idea who might have stolen the topping for your pancakes," Tom said syruptitiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I have zero fecks left to give," Tom said fecklessly.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Who's the boneheaded moron who forgot to reinforce this concrete?" Tom asked rebarbatively. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I've been sitting in line for hours. I don't think I'll ever get that travel visa," Tom said disconsolately. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"WHERE THE HELL IS MY BLUE SHIRT AND WHY IS THIS CLOSET SUCH A GODFORSAKEN MESS!?!?!?" Tom screamed, having forgotten everything he learned in hanger management class.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I need to go to the bathroom, but I'm having such an incredible run of good luck at this fishing hole that I don't want to leave," Tom said, holding a crappie.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Sometimes I cover my hands when I go out in the snow, sometimes I don't," Tom said intermittenly.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"This thread of Tom Swifty jokes sucks," Tom said fellatiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"The wind has pushed me up against this wall, and I've got nothing better to do than to stay here for awhile I guess," Tom said, adrift.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Twitter is like a freaking war zone. I give up," Tom retweeted.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"There's nothing I love more than frizzy hair," Tom said unconditionally.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I'm fairly certain that I never inhaled," Bill said dubiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet

• • •

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More from @SethCotlar

Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 6, 2018
1. With the "America is a republic not a democracy" crowd in full voice these days, I figured I'd share this piece I wrote back in 2012 on the meaning of the word "democracy" in the late 18th century. medium.com/@sethcotlar/ye…
2. Here are some of the key takeaways. Significant numbers of people began calling the American political system a "democracy" (with a positive connotation) in the early & mid 1790s.
3. Most (if not all) of the men who wrote the Constitution in 1787 differentiated between a republic and a democracy, and they indeed saw a republic as preferable.
Read 11 tweets
Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 6, 2018
1. Conspiracy theories (like the S*ros and Q stuff) are all "beautiful cacophony of free speech," "haha," fun & games, cultural sideshow until people start acting upon them.
2. It's worth remembering that Nazi Germany was (in its most elemental terms) an anti-semitic conspiracy theory upon which people, and then a militarized state, acted. First they acted by vandalizing synagogues, then boycotting Jewish stores for a day, then Kristallnacht, then...
3. American history is filled with conspiracy theories upon which people acted to one degree or another. Here's a quick list:
Read 12 tweets
Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 5, 2018
1. The modern-day identity of "lib hater" is an improvisational and flexible stew of homophobia, anti-semitism, misogyny, Islamophobia, xenophobia, and racism---all mixed together in different proportions depending on the specific individual we're talking about.
2. It's one part these people.
3. Another part these people.
Read 12 tweets
Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 5, 2018
About an hour after @gop President Trump and @gop Senator Grassley claimed that Dem opposition to Kavanaugh was part of a secretive, international, leftist, Jewish (Soros) conspiracy, McConnell has the stones to claim that "the other guys" are deploying McCarthyite tactics.
Putting the links here for posterity.
And here. As @ddale8 noted, this is the first time Trump has used the name "Soros" in a tweet. It is a longstanding dog whistle on the far right. Google "Orban and Soros" to see the sorts of laws Hungary's Trump is supporting re. "paid protestors."
Read 4 tweets
Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 4, 2018
1. Flashback to another similarly charged moment in American political history when a wedding intervened. It's 1796 and the House is considering the controversial Jay Treaty. The deciding vote that broke a 49-49 tie was cast by Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania.
2. Muhlenberg's constituents were adamantly opposed to the treaty, but his daughter was engaged to marry the son of a leading Federalist who strenuously supported it. That Federalist father-in-law-to-be threatened to call off the wedding if Muhlenberg voted against the treaty.
3. So Muhlenberg buckled, saving his daughter's marriage but destroying his political career. An anti-treaty relative of Muhlenberg's was so incensed by the vote, that he stabbed him. Muhlenberg recovered, but never held elective office again. speakershouse.org/history/
Read 5 tweets
Seth Cotlar, mostly now at the other places Profile picture
Oct 2, 2018
1. G. Washington (1796): "The unity of gov't wch constitutes you one people is...a main pillar in the edifice of your real independence, the support of your tranquility at home, your peace abroad; of your safety; of your prosperity; of that very liberty wch you so highly prize."
2. "It is easy to foresee that...much pains will be taken, many artifices employed to weaken in your minds the conviction of this truth...batteries of internal & external enemies will be most constantly and actively (though often covertly and insidiously) directed [against it]."
3. "[I]t is of infinite moment that you should properly estimate the immense value of your national union to your collective and individual happiness; that you should cherish a cordial, habitual, and immovable attachment to it..."
Read 10 tweets

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