Thread by @mssinenomine

No one should read meaning into this re my op on duplexes but I'd pay $ to have someone say, gee maybe instead of applauding ourselves constantly for how super good we are at engaging, we might want to examine systemic causes & barriers that prevent the full participation of some

https://twitter.com/fabulavancouver/status/1042466668906086400

Some people decided to read my thread from yesterday about some of those barriers as about *a* policy - because they can't consume a single word in #vanpoli without trying to slot you into whether you are for or against the dot in the i they want. Bias impedes comprehension

In addition to things mentioned in this thread. Let me give you an example of a public consultation and some of the barriers I faced participating in it.

https://twitter.com/mssinenomine/status/1042425594628079618

It was an entire weekend long commitment. So, first issue for me is that a long day followed by another long day is wow - to even be possible for me anymore is rare unfortunately. One long day is something I haven't managed in months. Two in row is like lightening strikes odds.

The next issue is that it was not nearby - as in very long HandyDart ride away. So that's always not great for me for all sorts of reasons - nausea is a big one. Worsens pain is another.

Also in addition to usual HandyDart nonsense time add-on, (20 min med appt 20 mins away takes 5 hours out of my day) longer distance can mean more pick-up/drop-offs along the way. And speed bumps and design of buses that makes you feel like you're in a bouncy castle w 20 3yr olds

So then I arrive and guess what? Well first navigating to a table is a not fun because wires everywhere, way chairs and tables have been jammed in - so it's a lot of 'excuse me could you stop your convos, get up and move your table & chair so I can get in' repeatedly.

Then - after drinking a coffee - I discover the promised accessible washrooms aren't. It's not even funny how bad they were. The first one I was shown was only possible if I could STAND UP out my wheelchair and walk to it - which I can't.
"It's an old building."

The second one was a big empty room used for storage and had a very low toilet. Because of layout I couldn't get my wheelchair positioned well and because of height I had to go up to get back into my wheelchair I spent 20 mins - and many near falls - getting off the toilet.

Despite my willingness to share this info on here btw, I find these things very embarrassing and the whole time I am worried that the person who showed me to this spot is missing the meeting & rest of time worried they're going to have to call 911 to get me off the toilet or...

take my injured from falling on floor body to the hospital.
But we get back - and go back through the other routine I hate - 'Hi, can I interrupt you again and ask you 15 people to move so I can get through this space that wasn't laid out to include me?'

So, whatever. Just happy to be here, excited about this project & having chance to have input. I have a reset & focus anew button that is some day going to wear out but thankfully still works.

So my role that day was specifically to make sure accessibility was being considered

I was introduced at table I was put at that way.
So I did. Woman spoke, shared idea, I suggested way to make it more accessible. All good.

And then...

And then an older, white, certainly more wealth than me man had his idea.
I said something to someone along the lines of 'That's a great idea and I love the historical significance. I wonder if there's a way to make it more inclusive.'

Explosion. Not kidding. Unbelievable.

He looked at me with such venom in his eyes and I am not one who gets shaken easily but it was so unexpected, seemed to come out of nowhere. One second everyone was at a table talking and the next this man was leaning across it telling me to "SHUT UP!"

He was furious. Beyond furious. I had no right to have an opinion and I certainly had no right to be critiquing - however gently - HIS idea for something so "STUPID" as inclusivity and accessibility.
He kept slamming his hands together making a very aggressive 'time out' gesture

He was part of some neighbourhood association I believe - and other groups in the area. He was a homeowner and appeasing him turned out to be very important to people organizing this. How do I know this? Well at first everyone was very good, asked me if I was OK, took me aside.

I lied and said I was fine because no way I wanted to give him the satisfaction and also because - Idk socialization.
So I survived the day. Went home with migraine - slightly wet pants. But I made a commitment so I came back the next day. 🤞

I am now knowingly putting myself in a position which will almost certainly result in a UTI (it did) because I also was now deliberately dehydrating myself for long stretches two days in a row. But again, I made a commitment & I know what happens, what ppl assume when I can't...

So I arrive & do you know how the morning started out?
"Welcome. We know a lot of you came yesterday with great ideas & put in a lot of work. But we would especially like to highlight the contributions of Mr. ____ " and they hand him the mic to speak - the dude who yelled at me

Honestly folks I have seen some sh*t in my life - you have no idea. But the look in that man's eyes that was hate. I know it. I've seen it. Look in his eyes belongs on a nightmare mood board. And now, the ppl who knew how abusive he'd been to me were applauding him in front of me

And I mean the day before handling of situation had also not been great - but it is typical. They pulled me aside not him. They moved me to another table (I did not request to be) instead of removing him from the process which would be just and imagine if he was poor POC???

So I got the message loud and clear whose presence and opinions matter in our city to our City. Not that I didn’t already know that. But as @GilmerHealthLaw said yesterday I have a habit of placing myself in situations, inflicting my presence on their bubble life...

I don’t wait for invite. I go where I know my disabled & poor female self is not welcome or wanted. I go with research, education, lived exp. I go with confidence and not an ounce of illusions- tho admit I still get caught off guard at times, don’t set my expectations low enough

But don’t anyone ever dare tell me these situations aren’t weighted against me. Don’t tell me how good you are at engagement. Don’t tell me I don’t pay a price for making the choice to do that. Every time. Every time. My pocket book. My health. My dignity.

When he was finished speaking he looked around to lock eyes with me. He wanted to make sure I knew he won. He wanted to make certain I had learned my lesson about ever thinking about critiquing my betters. I glared back ‘I have not!’ Another lie.

This time *I* pulled ppl aside. “Are you kidding me?” I asked - omitting the f word w effort.
And that’s when I got the list - his respectable man in the community CV. No attempt to defend based on his idea being great - it’s not. One offered to give me mic time too. I declined

That wasn’t the point. And felt insulting. Like my objection was based on jealousy not injustice.

They never seem to get the difference between those.

And I also knew that if I spoke - no matter how eloquent, no matter the data I carried with me - to him & others - he spoke because his idea was genius, his position at mic earned by merit - mine would be assigned to token gesture and ppl succumbing to ‘ political correctness’

Meanwhile the sad truth would have been that if I took the mic neither of us would have had the mic because we deserved it more than others in the room. It would have been result of ppl organizing wanting the appearance of justice without in any way addressing the injustice.