Thread by @otdderamin

This seems to be a controversial statement, so let's talk about why & why it shouldn't be (a thread).

Talking about ace or aro bi people doesn't detract from #BiVisibilityDay because they ARE bi people with bi experiences that largely get erased.

https://twitter.com/AsexualJournal/status/1043815081442590721

TW: biphobia and acephobia will be talked about in this thread. Mostly the microaggression, erasure, and exclusion variety.

This short article has excellent definitions, so I'll proceed assuming you're read it and understand the terms. In short, an asexual (ace) person is someone who experiences limited to no sexual attraction. Ace people may or may not have sex.
lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/reso…

Attraction is multifaceted. When sexual and romantic attraction both occur normatively, we call that allosexuality (allo). Society's default assumption is that if you're attracted to someone you're imagining having a romantic and sexual relationship with them.

Asexual people don't feel sexual attraction, or it's in a limited way that keeps them from conforming to society's expectations. Aromantic (aro) people don't feel romantic attraction, or it's in a limited way that keeps them from conforming to society's expectations.

One question that came up in the thread above is "How can someone be ace (or aro) and bi?" The bi part refers to WHO you're attracted to, and the ace part refers to HOW your attracted to them. It's a myth that ace or aro people don't experience attraction in general.

When a bi demisexual person experiences sexual attraction, or a bi demiromantic person experiences romantic attraction, it's to two or more genders.

A biromantic person experiences romantic attraction to two or more genders, but may experience sexual attraction to no one, or to a different set of genders. Someone may experience romantic attraction to men and women, but sexual attraction only to women, for example.

Similarly, an aromantic bisexual person may experience sexual attraction to two or more genders, but romantic attraction to no one, or to a different set. And again, this is a spectrum, not a neat perfect box everyone just fits in, and it's not binary.

Another question: "But it's biSEXUAL. The sexual part is in there by default!"

You're right! And that's an example of how the idea that all people are sexual (allosexuality) is so default that it is completely baked into the language we use to describe any attraction.

Non-sexual bi aces still use "bisexual" as an umbrella term because it's used to mean bi-attracted. Bisexual has already evolved in meaning to include more than men & women. This is no different an evolution or a stretch. The united experience is more complex than the etymology.

"Isn't saying 'Bi Aces deserve visibility too,' diverting attention from the bi part?"

No; it's explicitly saying that a set of bi experiences should be visible. You can't untangle them to be just ace on Ace Visibility Day and just bi on Bi Visibility Day.

Honestly, this argument sounds woefully similar to the reasons people objected to the Philly Pride Flag as somehow detracting from queer rights by highlighting the intersectionality of racism and anti-queerness that begets particular experiences. There's no conflict.

One of the biphobic myths is that bi people are hyper-sexual and prone to sleeping around. That's obviously hurtful to all bi people. But imagine navigating that stereotype when you aren't sexual at all? The volume on that negativity is even louder.

Both bi people & ace people face a lot of bigotry & erasure. Bi people are told something's wrong with them & they're confused or need to "pick a team." Ace people are told something's wrong with them, they don't exist, they're confused, or they haven't met the right person.

Imagine navigating sexuality being told you're broken or don't exist twice over. Imagine looking for refuge in people with similar experiences to yours who also turn you away out of contempt? That does so much damage to people, especially when they're young.

Bi and people (especially bi ace people) are told the ability to hide their sexuality makes them not part or or welcome in queer spaces. Bi ace people are told "they don't even want to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender so why does it even matter."

Bi people are told they're "not really bi if they haven't had sex with two or more genders." I've seen bi people talking today about how that's not how attraction works. Imagine how much that's magnified if you don't want to have sex with anyone.

Ace discourse can also help bi people articulate how that attraction DOES work, because breaking down how multifaceted attraction is is central to our discourse. All of us benefit from that.

Bi ace people aren't "trying to win the oppression Olympics," "making things up for attention," or "trying to be special." They're just trying to point out they exist, too, with their own experiences and perspectives, the same as anyone.

Heteronormativity doesn't just see heterosexuality as the norm and homosexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality as aberrations, it ALSO sees allosexuality as the norm and asexuality and aromanticism as aberrations. We're tackling the same problem from different directions.

True queer liberation isn't just marriage equality or protected classes, it's going after the root notion that there is one correct experience of attraction and everything else is wrong, weird, or even just abnormal. The point is that we're all normal, but not normative.

Saying "Bi Aces deserve visibility too," is saying that all facets of queer experience deserve visibility because sexuality is NEVER a row of neat little boxes we all fit in. Who we are is so many facets on a uniquely crystal that all catch the light a little differently.

I see all of you, allo bi people, ace bi people, aro bi people, and aro/ace bi people, and you're all beautiful and perfect just as you are. Lets all smash cis/het/allo normativity together.

If you are a bi ace or bi aro, I make nerdy dice patches just for you! Be seen literally!
etsy.com/listing/590703…
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I also sell bi patches in two variations.
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@threadreaderapp unroll

Here's the unrolled version, if you just want to skip to that:

https://twitter.com/threadreaderapp/status/1044116657168416768