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Kansara Profile picture
@kansaratva
Sep 26, 2018 • 5 tweets • 3 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
And the innings starts with a single from #TeamPatra.
#TeamBOTCH reads the googly well. Surprise. And a dot ball.

What a way to get out by #TeamBJP. Flopping the bat like a sword. Hit wicket. (90000 ₹)
The star batsman from #TeamRSP is swinging his bat in all directions unable to read the ball properly. In fact, the bowler has not even bowled yet...

#TeamPJ has been either at the runner's end or playing dot balls. He is so good at this that the bowling team doesn't want to get him out.

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More from @kansaratva

Kansara Profile picture
Oct 6, 2018
"Who will you vote for?" asked Moh diffidently, for she knew the responses she would get.

"Ugh!" said Eeny with disgust. "Who goes to vote?"

"I heard there is no AC in those trolling booths," added Meeny.

"Polling booths," corrected Moh.

Mynie just shuddered at the thought.
"I meant," lied Moh, "that if you were to *hypothetically* vote for someone who would that be?"

Eeny said, more to herself, "I *love* those dimpled cheeks."

"Me too," said Meeny.

"I adore his dimples too," said Mynie. "He was bloody brilliant in Chak De!"

They all laughed.
"How about Modi?" asked Moh.

Three glasses of wine met the floor at an acceleration of 9.8 m/s² and the spilled wine looked like blood on the shards.

Three pairs of baleful eyes stared at Moh. She was made of sterner stuff than the broken glass.

"How about Modi?" she repeated.
Read 13 tweets
Kansara Profile picture
Sep 30, 2018
Nehrendra Chol̠an was the greatest ruler of the Chol̠ā dynasty, whose influence extended to all past, present, future, and unknown regions of the Universe.
I once travelled with a most scholarly taxi driver when in Sangiliyandapuram. A Vulcan, he talked about how Nehrendra and Spock helped sustain Indo-Vulcan ties. Nehrendra gave Vulcans their salute. Live Long and Prosper. 🖖
The carpenter from Krappatti who conned me into refurbishing my kitchen was most knowledgeable. An elf, he talked about how Nehrendra and Elrond worked for Indo-Elven ties. Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo.
Read 4 tweets
Kansara Profile picture
Sep 29, 2018
The bubbly quartet walked in and took their usual nook in the terrace bar.

Eeny ordered Cabernet Sauvignon, a suave name for a wine, and along with it, some hors d'oeuvres, a sophisticated name for chakhna.

"Supreme Court finally allows women inside that temple," started Eeny.
Meeny, who had never been to a temple in her life, rolled her eyes up. "Why would anyone go to a temple? It's just oh-so-superstitious."

"Ugh!" chimed in Mynie, who considered her last visit to a temple when she was 3 as a trauma to be remembered.

Moh was sipping her wine.
"It's not about you or me, fellas, but all Hindu women who have been oppressed for centuries by the inherent patisserie," said Eeny, picking up a phrase from some article she had read.

"Patisserie?" asked Moh, feeling hungry. "Did you mean patriarchy?"

"Whatever!" said Eeny.
Read 12 tweets
Kansara Profile picture
Sep 27, 2018
God said, "Let there be Light," and there was light.

And the Light was bright, and God said, "Yippee!"

And God made a vessel to hold the light, and said, "Behold, for this is Lamp!"

It so happened that the light was extinguished and the lamp was broken, and God was dismayed.
And God said unto Herself, "What the," and left the statement incomplete.

And God looked around the enveloping darkness and saw a dark Shape ominously approaching.

The dark Shape said unto God, "You may be the Lady of Light but I am the Doyen of Darkness. I am Andhakar."
And God saw Andhakar, a black outline against the darkness , his black eyes set in a dark face with black hair and black beard.

And God asked unto Andhakar, "What is in your hand?"

And Andhakar lifted his hand and Lo! Behold! A black ribbon appeared and Andhakar cut it atwain.
Read 5 tweets
Kansara Profile picture
Sep 23, 2018
Rahul, Kejriwal, and Trudeau walked into a bar.

The bartender saw them, took a deep breath, looked up at the sky-themed ceiling, and said to himself, "It's gonna be a long day."

The bartender greeted them and turned to Rahul, who was in his best torn kurta and untorn jeans.
"Sir, what would you like to have?" he asked.

Rahul grinned confidently and said, "Let me ask you the question. What would *you* like to have?"

The bartender swore under his breath, "I would like to have this evening off."

"Royal Salute? Scotch?" he ventured with a smile.
Rahul's face changed as the grin devolved into a smile and evolved into a frown.

"Royal Salute? Scotch?" he echoed, and called Pidi, who was always there wherever he went.

"Write a tweet," he bellowed in a mellow manner for his voice was not meant to carry far.

Pidi waited.
Read 16 tweets
Kansara Profile picture
Sep 20, 2018
Abdul smiled at the brand new smartphone. His first thought was to take a selfie.

He tapped on the camera app, then on selfie mode, and grinned as he held it at his arm's length.

A voice from the phone piped up loud, "sau tunchh maal, Abdul!"

Abdul dropped the phone in shock.
If we want to know the reason, we have to go back to that one fine winter morning when senior Congress leaders were summoned for an urgent meeting by Torn Kurta.

The smartphone hardware was ready, with "Designed in 10JP" neatly written at the back. But what about the software?
She Who Shall Not Be Named was there too. In her inimitable voice, she said that the software must be unique and have attributes of the party.

"We will name it iOIOS," said a member.

Everyone else clapped after they saw that She Who Shall Not Be Named had smiled with approval.
Read 11 tweets

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