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Oct 7, 2018 56 tweets 10 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
My #MeToo story is the most harrowing account of my life. I was harrased for months continuesly by @i_saurabhkumar of @FinancialXpress in 2016. I had informed FE who hired him any way. Here is my story:
I have spoken of this before and publicly as well but never in such detail. Seeing other women giving detailed accounts has given me the push I needed to to finally show each and everything this fucking vile man did to me.
I am tweeting this anonymously for various reasons which include fear of legal trouble and also just more trauma of people asking questions about it.
I was hired in 2016 to join a new team which was being set up to cover policy and government ministries. Saurabh Kumar was a senior editor there. He was very helpful and soft spoken and we became good friends as well.
During our first party at his place we saw another side of him which was in stark contrast to how he was in office. I saw that he could really not handle his alcohol but our editor ensured none of us stay back and dropped each one home.
Since we had the task of setting up a new team we would often put in long hours at work followed by which we all would go drinking a lot. And usually he used to offer his house as the venue and it was also very close to where we stayed.
During this time, me and two more of my colleagues would always stick around till late partying at his place.
The first time it happened was when we had stayed back at his house since I was very tired and passed out in one room which was empty and thought I would drive back in an hour or so after taking a nap. This fucker comes inside and asks if he can also sleep on the same bed..
...I was really creeped out, he had the whole house to himself, two other rooms and he comes here asking this question while his wife was also not present. I acted like I was really sleep and just mumbled NO and then he left.
Followed by which he entered the room two three times and each time I heard his footsteps I pretended to be asleep. I left 10 mins after that, he insisted I stay longer but then I was too weirded out.
Next day in office he would come with a completely different personality. The one we all liked and admired. The helpful, friendly senior who really helped with our work and you would just forget anything had even happened.
I gave him the benefit of doubt (something I did so fucking often I feel disgusted at my own stupidity) and didn't mention that incident.Next day he began messaging stuff, flirtatious stuff, suggestive stuff.
I will post screenshots in the last thread and the entire escalation.
I would not know what to think of it and contunied to ignore despite so many glaring warnings. I was absolutely idiotic to not have reacted then and brought it up. I have spent so many months going through this trauma over and over again and each time I'm filled with rage.
I suppose every time he would misbehave the next day a different saurabh would appear sober and apologetic and we would think at the end of the day he's a good guy. BIG FUCKING FAULT.
I am writing all this especially in the hopes that any fresher in the industry could learn from my account and react from that very first moment of the inappropriate behavior.
Getting back to it. We would go to his house for drinks, he would drink, then completely lose it. This would include dancing like a jackass as everyone laughed it off, coming uncomfortably close and trying to force to dance close to him as everyone would be watching.
Moment you announce it's late and you have to go create a massive scene which would include, vebal abuse, physically pushing and stating emotionally that you are sick to leave and stuff like that.
This one time it even happened in front of his extremely close friend from his former office Amrit Jha. My two colleagues were always present to see this, he even throw bottles at my car as we were going down.
All this would make anyone call the cops or take some action but again we didn't. The next day the same unconditional apology would come with promise of reform and again we would fall in that rut.
In the meanwhile he used to keep messaging about how he was in love with me and how painful it was for him and I would remind him to think of his wife. And actually feel guilty that he is in this situation because of me, so fucking sick I feel typing this. But this HAS to be told
Women are made to feel guilty if a man behaves like this with him and expresses his so called love. It would get to a point where even my colleagues could realize and see this man had really weird vibes for me.
I would always try to make him realize that we are friends we are 'buddies' and try to normalize the situation by suggesting we all go play table tennis which we both played a lot.
During another drunken episode, this time a party at my house. This man refused to leave because he knew I was alone. This was a huge turning point. This was the drunk monster Saurabh back in his form, the soft spoken polite form had gone, I'm sure it was all a fucking act.
He threw a fit of rage when I shouted and saying I want him the fuck out of my house and for the first time actually physically scared for my safety. And also extremely scared that the neighbours might here and tell my parents about it.
In this whole scenario my parents not getting to know this very important to me because I was 1000 percent sure my dad would shoot him down with his rifle and my mom would never let me out of her sight to go anywhere, a problem most girls face. This man refused to budge.
He tried to come close physically saying he only needs to hold hands etc, and thar he would not do anything. He tried to get physical many times that night.
After hours of me telling him to leave, shouting, crying threatening to call the cops, this monster finally left.

Next day of course would come the apology.
Finally this followed by one colleague's formal complaint for beating him after getting drunk, I too wrote of my account and sent it to our editor. Who asked him to leave.
This time, it was his last day. His farewell party at the Press Club of India and this man refused to leave stating the condition is that I drop him back home, alone. I, of course was so fucking vary of this bastard's actions I had absolutely no plans of dropping him.
With him, there was also always that fear of him creating a public scene and embarrassing me so I would not say it outright, I had gone to some friends at another table and told them that if anyone asks I am going the opposite side with you.
Again as everyone had left and as usual me and the two other colleague's had left, he again started off. At first he said "tell this girl I will only go with her", then upon being told I'm going the opposite side I cannot drop him, he throws his bag on the floor...
..and threatens to go embarrass me I'm public by going over to my friend's table and sitting there, where many prominent senior editors were also sitting.
This went on couple of times and he pushed everyone who tried to get him in the cab. But his madness had hit the roof, he stormed towards me grabbed my jacked and started pulling me towards him while I was kicking him, screaming and pushing at the same time.
Luckily my friend rushed grabbed him and nicely beat him up all this while he was shouting the creepiest of things about me like "iss ladki ke liye Kya kya nai Kiya maine" "ispe mera haq hai" and other mind numbingly horrific shitty embarrassing stuff
. I finally called his wife told her to come and get him as he has created another scene and hung up. They finally got him inside the cab and ensured he is taken to his house.
I was left standing there, numb, shaken embarrassed and absolutely disgusted that such a thing could have happened to me. I pride myself for being brave, physically fit, known karate, come from an army background and what not. That day I was reduced to nothing.
Absolutely fucking nothing. I hated feeling like some helpless woman. But I was. I kept fearing this bastard has the audacity to come to my house also and create a scene.
Despite my instinct of screaming and telling his wife everything I had to text her nicely asking if he had reached just to make sure he is not heading to my house. He kept calling a zillion times followed by texts on WhatsApp and telegram where I blocked him immediately.
Next day was the launch of our website, our months of hard work. I had two of my beat ministers coming and had to ensure it goes smoothly, coordinate with them, go to their houses all this while having gone through this nightmare trying to keep my head straight and look sane.
That was one of the longest days of my life. I made it through.
I filed a full fleged formal complaint the next day in office. Those guys were even more disgusting about it. That is another trauma I don't have the capacity to talk of anymore. What shocked and disgusted me was that it was headed by two women.
And their attitudes made me sick to my stomach. One even threatened legal action against me.
Followed by this incident. All I could hear everywhere was gossip starting to spread about me. Imagine, fresh into this industry, fresh into the beat and every circle discussing your name as the girl who was involved in such and such incident, associating my name with others...
It was fucking hell.

Some questions people ask every victim who goes through this shit. Why didn't you call the cops? Because I didn't want a fucking case which could have gone to court which would have involved my parents getting to know about it.
Why did you wait so long to finally complain formally? Because, I was extremely stupid, scared and naive. And advised by every woman in the organization to not go ahead with it as it would lead to further harassment which actually was 100 percent true.
Why didn't you say something then? I did, I told everyone to ask what to do. I even called his best friend, the editor mentioned before and told him all this to which he said "but did you go to his house and party so much" and promised he would tell his wife but never...
Did shit about it. In fact I saw him drinking with that shameless piece of shit Saurabh Kumar again a few days later. I went ahead and punched Saurabh in the face that day. It felt momentarily good.
I have been livid with rage since then. Every fucking time I think about it. I really hope this helps someone reading this account to be more vigilant and learn when to take action. I also hope FE takes action. Though I have no hopes.
Thanks to everyone talking about their ordeal. Thank you for giving us courage. #TimesUp for these fucking bastards and about fucking time we call them out. I feel so so so good about it today.
And those people, and I know many as some were former friends of mine who all still hang out with him knowing every thing that happened. Congratulations, you are fucking complicit!
This was the the night he attacked me at Press Club.
This was when I blocked him everywhere and this shamless pig had the audacity to say this.
The day after the press club assault:
My language here is extreme, and I regret I didn't abuse him more:
As a journalist the numerous typos in this thread are really making me feel worse, apologies. I typed it in such a fit of rage.

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