Thread by @GreatBelin

#DieHard Before #Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Except the 4 assholes coming in the rear in standard 2x2 cover formation.
The C4 was placed in the roof with care,
In the hopes that the Feds soon would be there,

The terrorists held positions awaiting the Feds,
While visions of bearer bonds danced in their heads.
And Holly in her rolex, Ellis powdered his nose,
While I was barefoot and made fists with my toes.
When out from the lobby there arose such a clatter,

I drew my gun to see what was the matter.
Away to the stairwell I flew with a flash,
Forgetting shoes, up the stairs did I dash.
I pulled the alarm on this occasion
And vowed to kiss the department Dalmatian
When what to my dismay should appear

But a small footed terrorist in gray workout gear
His plans to kill me I quickly did wreck
When we tumbled down stairs and I broke his neck.
Hidden in the elevator I decided to have fun
"Ho ho ho now I have a machine gun"
From atop the elevator I watched as Hans came

I listened intently as he called his men by name,
"Now! Karl, now! Theo, now! Marco and Heinrich!
On! Tony, on! Fritz, on! Uli and Kristoff!
Find this nuisance and neutralize him fast!
If the police hear gunshots our plan will not last."

From the roof the police did I call.
Then the shooting started and nearly did I fall.
The police came driving like Stevie Wonder
I iced 2 bad guys when they made a blunder.
I threw a body to the car down below,
"Welcome to the party pal!" I said to the hapless fellow.

The police came running, the media too.
I wanted to relax but Hans wasn't through.
Coming down the street, what should I see?
It seems the police had themselves an RV.
Theo did cry, "The quarterback is toast!"
As they blew up the RV letting the officers roast.

Hans wouldn't stop his violent tradecraft
So I dropped some C4 down the elevator shaft.
When back upstairs I met a man named Clay
(I knew it was Hans, but wanted to play)
Chalked up 2 more bad guys, their ass is grass
Then Hans told Karl to "Shoot the glass."

With my feet shredded, all bloody and torn
I reflect on my mistakes, making me forlorn.
Back to the roof now, it goes off with a bang
The FBI guys going down in flames
I head to the vault to rescue my wife
I won't stop now even if it costs me my life

I dispatch Hans with a snarky "Happy Trails"
It's safe to say his plan had gone off the rails.
Back on the ground, Karl wasn't done
Al Powell saved my life by shooting his gun.
Holly punched Thornburg, Argyle drove us from the fight
Yippee-ki-yay to all and to all a good night!