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This #RobPorter mess brings up MANY issues we in the #domesticabuse prevention space see routinely. As a #DV prosecutor on the early days post-OJ with CA's Nicole Brown laws new on the books there was a LOT of "you overreacted; he's a good guy at work." Sound familiar, #metoo? 1/
So many #domesticabuse victims and survivors have a similar story: good guy in public; horrible and controlling in private. So we EXPECT lots of "he was a good guy; she must be over-reacting; this is not the man we know" #RobPorter-type defenses. they have 2 faces. 2/
OF COURSE he will behave at work. That's his paycheck. That's his public face. But at home ... all the jealousies and toxins come out in his private face. Believe the people who see his private face. 3/
We are so conditioned to see #domesticabuse as SHAME that we don't stand up for each other enough and look at victims as weak and complicit in their own abuse BUT being strong and being abused are NOT mutually exclusive. 4/
And whether it's Republican #RobPorter or Democrat #RogerHernandez (a #CAleg member whose colleagues did NOT expel him or see fit to even censure him according to their recent #metoo document dump) we have to put #principleoverparty and condemn ALL abuse. #WeSaidEnough 5/
And that "backlash" accusation? It's baked into the patriarchy. The MINUTE we fight toxic masculinity it's "don't over-charge #domesticabuse" or "that wasn't my experience" or "don't ruin his career over this" often spoken by a WOMAN & received as "don't mess this up for us" 6/
YES we need to listen to women; to investigate facts; to provide due process and services; and understand that how we respond to #domesticabuse says as much about OUR character as it does about that of the accused.
NO we must stop expecting a PERFECT VICTIM (there are none!) 7/
NO we must stop expecting a PERFECT VICTIM (there are none!) 7/
What you hear in #RobPorter "good guy at work" assertions; in #MeToo "witch hunt" stories; in #WeSaidEnough "backlash" warnings is the same thing: a Devil's advocate upholding the toxic status quo. Many people, more than you know, need you to let that poison go. Please do! 8/8
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