I want to talk a little bit about being #ActuallyAutistic #autistic in the wake of #MassShootings

This is going to be a long thread.
I will also be willing it slowly because some of the side effects of the thing I take to not kill myself are

- difficulty concentrating
- trouble organising thoughts
- forgetfulness
There have been more school shooting in my lifetime than years.

In 2017 there were so many mass shootings that I lost count.

I cannot remember a time when our schools did not teach us to prepare for a shooter attacking us.
And, I am aware that I am centering myself here, but this needs said.

The lawyers, and family, always always always try to say that the shooter is autistic.
So, while the nation is reeling after a major tragedy, while families are grieving, and emotions are high,

every single time a target gets painted on my back, and the backs of people like me.
Each time this happens, it gets worse, because people remember vaguely "oh hey, wasn't that guy who shot up that church autistic too?"

Dylan Roof. No, he wasn't. But yes, that was a claim that got made.
I remember someone, in not sure which one, in the group that attached Columbine was accused of being autistic.

I want even diagnosed then, but I remember it.
I remember thinking "why do they let them go to school with normal kids?"

I was in grade school when Columbine happened.

And the lesson I learned was that autistics were monsters that shouldn't be around humans.
The first time I told someone about my diagnosis, they asked if I was dangerous.

The first time a teacher suggested I might be "gifted" maybe even "a savant" I was pulled out of school bc my parents feared a dx.
And with almost two hundred mass shootings during this presidency alone (not being political, giving a time frame)

Each one being blamed on autism, loudly, all over the media

Each one unrelated

No redactions or corrections ever being published

My life is at risk.
It also makes it hard for us in other ways.

Besides the risk of a misguided revenge murder, this makes it harder for us to

- hold jobs
- access medical care
- find therapists
- attend school

Branding mass murderers as "autistic" to get them off a murder rap brands actually autistic people as murderers.
Not to sound Christian, but when Cain got kicked out of Eden, he was marked, and he said "when they see they will kill me"

I worry that strangers will look me for being autistic

And that is a reasonable fear.
Last year a child in a car seat was shot by cops at a routine traffic stop as soon as the dad disclosed the child was autistic.

A child small enough for a car seat, strapped in, is not a fucking threat

But the cop heard "autism" and opened fire.
We are more likely to be killed by cops, by doctors, by caregivers, by family than almost any demographic.

Not accidentally killed. Intentionally murdered.

And they are almost guaranteed to be seen as the victim.
People who kill us are treated like victims of our existence, as heroes for overcoming our existence.

They rarely face consequences.

They murder us. They torture us. They exploit us.

And then they frame us for their crimes.
I have spent this week, while my Twitter was suspended, being bombarded on Facebook by anti-autism messages, including from family.
My aunt posted that people like me should be locked up.

My sister's friend suggested we be sterilized.

Virtually every person on my Facebook friends list said "if" good laws were amended it should be to prevent autistics getting guns.
I spent two solid days being yelled at by a man I've never met because I pointed out that autism wasn't the cause.

Two. Days.

My phone beeping constantly, including when I was telling to sleep, as he raged at me.
I had someone I was once friends with argue that his right to a gun was more important than a child's right to be safe,

And in the same breath say that "crazy" people were the problem.
After the Dylan Roof thing, I received death threats.

After Sandy Hook my then-boss "suggested" I stay home for a while until things blew over.

Because I'm autistic.
That shit takes an emotional toll.
I'm... Not in a good place emotionally already. Post partum depression is a hell of a thing.

I had to up my medications, and I've been referred to a psychiatrist.

And now, my people are being blamed for an atrocity.
If I go to the store, will people be talking about how I should be locked up?

If I call the police will they shoot my on sight?

I'm struggling with all of this and I'm overwhelmed.

And no, that doesn't mean I'll shoot up a school.

It means I've eaten nothing but macaroni and Lexapro for a week, and don't want to leave my bed.

/End Thread

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More from @AprilSpectrum

Mar 26, 2018
I want to talk about autism and vaccines. I know it's all been said before, but I gotta say it, for me.

Vaccines are safe. They don't contain poisons, or Mercury. They don't give kids autism or mental retardation.

They give kids immunities to common, deadly diseases.
I'm a mom.

When preparing to have my kid there was a ton of reading to do. A ton of permissions to sign.

"Do you authorize us to give the baby a shot of potassium. Possible side effects include..."
Read 14 tweets
Mar 22, 2018
I'm tired as hell so I will probably fall asleep in the middle of this thread, but I wanted to talk a little about the Austin bomber.

Specifically, about his upbringing and how it compares to mine.
I'm going to TW for this thread because I may drive into

- Cults
- Abuse
- Weapons & Guns
- Conspiracy Theories

And I don't know what all along those and related topics could be triggering for folks
Ok, so, like most white terrorists, this Austin bomber had some pretty predictable qualities.

Multiple gun home
Politically right-wing
"Quiet" (antisocial)

He probably had issues with women, or domestic violence - but I doubt anything was reported.
Read 41 tweets
Feb 24, 2018
I want to talk about this.
Most of you have seen me tweet about guns.

Many even saw me tweet about some experiences I've had with guns, good and bad.

Some may even have watched my transformation from adamant gun toting 2A bitch to me now, calling for gun control.

This thread is about that.
The question of empowerment is one that people who don't face danger don't understand.
Read 20 tweets
Feb 8, 2018
Autism is a spectrum disorder. That means the needs of autistic people aren't static.

Some days I am "high functioning" - I can hold conversations, make eye-contact despite the pain, run errands etc.

Others I cannot feed myself, haven't basic hygiene, speak, or leave the house.
Functioning labels assume a static level of need which would make care inaccessible to me.

And, in fact, this has happened on multiple occasions.
This bill, declaring an epidemic, wouldn't make care more accessible.

It would add to the existing stigma against autism, and make my life not difficult and dangerous.
Read 12 tweets
Dec 31, 2017
derekthebard @grwatson @danimar07 @aliwonderhell @BitchWithA_W

It. Gets. Better.

(Sorry for the long pause)
So, the day of the psychic testing arrives.

I forget who drove me from school there, but I arrived early to the pizza place that they chose to do testing at.
Being early, I saw the last guy bring in a box. I spotted a teddy bear, a beach ball, and a wooden toy train with square wheels.

You know, like the one in the Rudolph movie.

No one told me what was up. But I WANTED that train.
Read 26 tweets
Dec 31, 2017
This reminded me of an awesome (long) story I wanna share.

I was part of a sociological experiment in the 90s as a small child - without my or my parents' permission.
The experiment was called "forced tracking" and if you Google it you won't find it anymore.

But it used to be featured in psychology textbooks.
Tw : R word
Hypothesis: teacher bias impacts student achievement.

Method: divide a group in 3, and tell the teachers that 1/3 are "normal", 1/3 "genius" and 1/3 "borderline retarded"
Read 14 tweets

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