Thread by @alysanemormonts

I've finally (like 20+ years after first being exposed to #purityculture) figured out how to articulate yet another way that Evangelical culture left me emotionally scarred. It never seems to end. #exvangelical #emptythepews Here I go yet again:

Whenever I've read about how purity culture messes up people's lives, it's usually how it's affected ideas/perceptions of sex, how these things can lead to bad relationships, abuse, etc. For me, yeah, same as many others: it meant I didn't know how to even talk to a guy,

and every Christian guy I met was a potential spouse. We were encouraged to pray for our future spouses who we'd never met before. The usual purity culture junk.

But what affected me even more than those things was the idea (constantly drilled in our heads, especially in college bible studies) that you shouldn't be in a relationship if your relationship w/ God was 'off' in any sort of way.

So I did everything I thought I was supposed to be doing: led bible studies, did devotionals, went to every church/campus event I could, prayed my heart out. And I watched friend after friend, who were all doing the same sorts of things as me, get into relationships.

Which meant, by these standards, that they were 'right' with God. And despite doing the same things as them, this must mean I was somehow 'wrong' with God. I wasn't praying hard enough. I didn't have enough faith. My devotion wasn't real??

It was never good enough because *I* was never good enough. I'm still not great at talking to people in a flirty sort of fashion or gauging if someone is interested in me ~in that way~. Because I usually just assume, how can they be? I'm wayyyy off w/ God at this point.

And I KNOW, I *KNOW* that's not how it works. But whenever there's a wave of wedding announcements or save-the-dates or photo deluges on social media, especially involving old church friends, it all comes back: the feeling of deserved alone-ness. #exvangelical #EmptyThePews