Thread by @acupunctureUSS

⚽ #USSstrike #football STICKER THREAD ⚽

The Panini World Cup 2018 sticker album is horrifically expensive. I'm a cheapskate and I'm obsessed with pensions. Therefore I'm making the official #USSstrike sticker album.

#aesthetic #beetroot #aubergine #backofthenet

1/ First up is @MikeOtsuka. USA is not in the World Cup this year. So Mike will have to play for Panama.

2/ Next up is Bill Galvin, who has played for the following clubs: @DWP @TPRgovuk and USS. His position is DC. He is quite defensive about things. He plays for Switzerland because @UBS is just one letter away from USS.

3/ This is Professor Dame Athene Donald, whose club is Churchill College, Cambridge. She is a surgical England centre forward who recently scored a hat-trick against Alistair Jarvis of UUK.

4/ This is Alistair Jarvis. His club is Universities UK. He plays in a position called SP, which apparently means "sock puppet". #USSstrike #aesthetic #beetroot #aubergine #lanyard

5/ This is Sally Hunt, who plays for UCU IBL F.C. She supports Arsenal F.C. She is a centre back, who is prone to scoring (deliberate?) own goals and is generally not very good at defending for her team. Think more Philippe Senderos than Tony Adams. #USSstrike

6/ This is David "Two Brains" Willetts, who plays for the Conservative Party. He is an Argentinian legend most famous for his "Invisible Hand of God". His position is SS, which is Second Striker and not Schutzstaffel in this context.

7/ This is Josephine Cumbo, who plays for the Financial Times F.C. Her position is CM, and she is a classy box-to-box reporter who is always asking questions.

8/ This is Jo Grady @DrJoGrady. She is a cava-drinking left-winger who plays for Sheffield Wednesday and @USSbriefs. Tackles Universities UK in a robust manner. #USSstrike

9/ This is Adam Tickell @Adamtickles who plays for Brighton and Hove Albion F.C. His position is NB, which is Neoliberalism Beast. Also plays for UUK F.C. and Birmingham City F.C.

10/ Nick Hardy @NJSHardy. A left-midfielder who plays for Bristol City F.C. and @USSbriefs. @MikeOtsuka thinks Hardy is man-marking him. Wants to play for Norway but Normay is not in the World Cup, so must play for Sweden instead.

11/ This is Workié, who played for @DWP and now for @TPRgovuk. He is one of the most expensive mascots in the world at £8.54m. His position is GK, or "gatekeeper", and likes to play behind Bill Galvin.

12/ This is Dinosaur of Solidarity @of_dinosaur, who plays for everyone in the #USSstrike team. Dinosaur of Solidarity's position is RAWR, and likes Senegal.

13/ This is Professor Sir David Eastwood. Plays on so many teams people have now lost track. Likes also to play with Saudi Arabia. Is a master playmaker like Andrea Pirlo, who makes literally everything happen. Is in a very complicated relationship with #beetroot.

14/ This is Felicity Callard @felicitycallard. Her clubs are Birkbeck Rovers and @USSbriefs. Her position is PDF (Professorial Defensive Forward) and she enjoys taking screenshots on goal. #USSstrike

15/ This is Jo Johnson. His club is the Oxford Billingdons. His position is PPE (Permanently Privatise Education). NB: I am aware that Johnson did History and not PPE at Oxford.

16/ This is Louise Richardson #jeezlouise who plays for UUK and Oxford City F.C. Her style of play is de-risky, and uses archaic rules to get past the opposition. Her position is JPM, which is Jocular Professorial Midfield, or J.P. Morgan.

17/ This is Peter Horrocks, currently a Free Agent having been sacked by Open University staff. His position is untenable. Coming to a university near you. Also his shirt is too big for him.

18/ This is Professor Dame Glynis Breakwell, who plays for USS, UUK and Bath City F.C. The most expensive Vice-Footballer in the nation. Her position is Sweeper; she sweeps up all expenses, bonuses, pensions, perks and Belgian Chocolate Biscuits in front of her.

19/ Sam Gyimah. Plays for the Conservative Party. Style of play: filibustering, jingoism, PPE (Permanently Privatise Education). Position: RYL, "reschedule your lectures".

20/ Nicola Dandridge. Former CEO of UUK, now CEO of OfS. Position: VFM "value for money". Style of play: free speech on campus combined with PREVENT.

21/ Beer. Club: Universities UK. Position: VSS "Voluntary Severance Scheme with 220 quota". Style of play: as evasive as Lionel Messi, as exuberant as Neymar, as strong as Marco Materazzi.

22/ YOU. Position: strikers. Style of play: dogged determination, consummate professionalism, fair play. Strength: unity, cheered on by students. Weakness: None. #USSstrike #aesthetic #beetroot #aubergine #lanyard #backofthenet #mytrainjourneyends #gothomeatlast