Thread by @dontbemads

hey y’all remember that time my college roommates/church leaders gaslighted the shit out of me for a full year and i had no where to go or escape because i would face the same thing with me family and friends and church

remember when my roommates would call “house meetings” and then spend an hour telling me what i was doing wrong as a christian and friend and person and then, when i would start to cry, tell me “we can feel the rejection you feel and you should only be feeling loved by this”

remember when they told me i was a bad friend because i began isolating myself, avoiding them as much as possible, and becoming very private about my life and feelings

remember when they told me that depression doesn’t “honor the lord” and makes me a bad witness

remember when they would have these massive worship nights at our house without telling me and tell me i was ignoring god and the holy spirit if i didn’t join in

remember when they told me my negativity and unwillingness to engage in their prayer meetings they also randomly had was preventing me from being healed and also preventing me from growing like them

remember that time they let someone who spiritually abused me the year before crash on our couch for a month without asking or even telling me

remember that time they manipulated me into confessing my deepest and most secretive “sins” because “god told us that’s what your problem is” and then they later used those things as a weapon against me

remember when they “laid hands on me” without permission or any sort of warning and also surrounded/cornered me almost anytime I tried sneaking in the house quietly but they had been waiting for me

to some people, all of these things might seem extreme and hurtful, but you’re still inclined to think/say “they are not true christians”. and you would be wrong.

these were the most devoted, most consistently disciplined “followers” i knew. and i had no where to go because they were simply living the teachings of our church, as did my friends; as did my family. they were not outliers.

this was not unusual in any way; in fact, our church is a prominent, charismatic #evangelical church in waco, tx, second only to the bigger version (mega) church there.

i’ve been to many #evangelical churches in my life as a preacher’s daughter, and i never found one that was any different. i only ever found the same practices, same doctrine, same sermons, and same convictions.

this is why i’m a post-christian, an #exvangelical, and adamant about the need to #EmptyThePews. these experiences, this trauma, are neither unusual or isolated.

this is The (white) Tradition that elected tr*mp; this is The Tradition that fuels the motives and corruption of the GOP; this is The Tradition that heralds bigotry and homophobia and racism and xenophobia and sexual assault and sexism and, ultimately, control.

So you can keep your #NotAllEvangelicals and defensive takes on something you don’t understand or care to learn about. You can keep prayers and condescending comments and hateful rhetoric.

if you feel the need to get defensive about your #evangelical beliefs and “family,” ask yourself why the trauma of so many makes you feel this way. ask yourself why you’re so unable to empathize with #exvangelical people. dig deep, and do it on your own goddamn time.

ask yourself why your beliefs are hurting so.many.people and causing so.much.trauma. ask yourself why you feel the need to defend yourself even when we don’t fucking @ you. what’s wrong, #evangelical? some of these hitting a nerve?

stop assuming we don’t know what we’re talking about. many #exvangelicals were devoted, faithful, excited believers for even longer than you’ve been. we can recite the scripture. we can speak the lingo. we can recall the very same experiences you can.

you are not qualified to invalidate a massive group of people with your unsolicited takes on #evangelicalism and the experiences of #exvangelicals. you are not qualified to even take up space in our mentions or thoughts.

get your shit together or don’t. get empathetic or don’t. get off that hill or fucking die on it as planned. we’re still going to #emptythepews and speak our truth. we’re still going to demand justice and take care of each other. and you and your bigotry are not invited.