Thread by @roo_b_boy

I've been engaged now for about 6 months and it is honestly heartbreaking to know that until things change I won't be able to get married.

My mom died before she was able to get married to her partner of 14 years.

#letusmarry

The terrible thing is my mom wanted so desperately to marry.

They where engaged for over a decade. A decade of waiting and hoping.

#letusmarry

Think about that

Over a decade of having to lie about your partner to the government.

Over a decade of living in fear of being caught and either face extortionate fines or prison.

Over a decade of having to have your children to lie.

#letusmarry

My mom had to explain to me at 7 years old that I couldn't tell any of my friends that we lived with my step dad.

They made sure that all the parents in my friendship group at primary school knew the situation because my mom trusted them but it took courage to do. #letusmarry

Any one of them could have ruined our lives.

Then each of those wonderful people had to explain to their kids that if they were ever asked about my parents by someone they didn't know to go get a teacher.

#letusmarry

Because that's what the government will do to prove your a "liar" to prove that you don't need the pittance they give.

They do it not just to do with living with your partner mind you. They do it to prove your healthier than you say you are too.

#letusmarry

These days they don't even have to send someone out they collect CCTV footage of places like leisure centres.

They use tip line as well that anyone can ring if they have their suspicions your living with your partner.

Or if you've had an argument and they know your on benefits

I'm going to have to stop there this is the first time I have ever spoken to anyone about this but she is dead now so they can't hurt her anymore.

#letusmarry

I'm going to leave this here.

If this has helped you understand more what it is like to be disabled please consider paying me for the work in doing here.

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So I'm ready to continue this thread.

My mom was mostly single until I was 7.

During that time she had 1 relationship that I know ended because she didn't want to have to lie & live in paranoia. So when he proposed she said no.

#LetUsMarry

Then when I was about 7 and she reconnected with an old friend she'd been head over heels in love with for years she took it achingly slow.

#LetUsMarry

He was disabled too and on DLA same as my mom. We lived half in our home half in his for close to 2 years because they were so worried about having to lie. But they were in love and they helped each other physically it wasn't perfect but it was a family

#LetUsMarry

We eventually moved in and then the never ending paperwork, interviews and home visits.

My mom decided to play on the fact she was queer and just straight out call herself a lesbian it was a lie of convience.

#LetUsMarry

The government figured why lie about something so shameful (literally what I heard an investigator say while on the phone to a colleague in our back garden)

I was interviewed at least once every 6 months for the first 2 years asked about my mom's partners.

#LetUsMarry

I was a literal child and they would ask me if they had ever seen anyone staying in my mom's room with her.

We had to keep the play room ready to be made to look like my room at short notice.

I had to have it explained to me what would happen if we were caught.
#LetUsMarry

*typo it meant to read "if I had ever seen".

Once they took my mom's benefits off her during a policy change over just because my mom's "landlord"(partner) lived with her so surely he could support her.

It took 8 months of fighting to get it reinstated

#LetUsMarry

This is more exhausting than I thought it would be.

I remember one particular interview. They kept me in the room for an hour an a half asking me variations of the same question see if they could catch me out.

I was a child and I was treat like a criminal. #LetUsMarry

All because my mom wanted to live with someone she loved.

During the 8 months without her "benefits" my mom racked up some huge debt. Just trying to survive with a diasbled kid and a disabled partner. That shit is expensive it adds up.

#LetUsMarry

I think the thing that was the worst for me personally during all this is knowing that my mom could go to prison & I could be taken away from her and either put with family (who were abusive as hell) or put in state care.

#letusmarry

That and I was never allowed to legally call myself my step dads daughter.

It was a wedge in our relationship that his daughter would eventually exploit after my mom passed away to push my out of the family.

#letusmarry

I don't blame my mom though for a second and I would go through it all again because no person should be stopped from marrying.

No person should be treat like a criminal for loving someone an wanting to be a family.

unroll please