Alright let’s do this. 1 like = 1 toxic masculinity thing.
Things may vary between observations, suggestions and wtf-ions.
Things may vary between observations, suggestions and wtf-ions.
1. Rating people (by attractiveness) on a scale of 1-10.
It’s weird. I have never met a woman who does this.
#ToxicMasculinity
It’s weird. I have never met a woman who does this.
#ToxicMasculinity
2. “Real Man” narratives. i.e. “a real man does x/doesn’t y”
Manhood is not an elite club. All men are part of manhood and masculinity whether you approve of them are not.
#ToxicMasculinity
Manhood is not an elite club. All men are part of manhood and masculinity whether you approve of them are not.
#ToxicMasculinity
3. The hand-grab into double back slap bro hug. Seriously, what is that? Why you gotta arm wrestle and hit your dude? What’s wrong with a two arm hug?
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
4. That thing where you dismiss something a woman says and then 3 days later we hear you saying it to someone like it was your idea all along? Cite your sources, you plagiarists.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
5. Showing more emotion for sports than literally anything else in life. Yeah it’s cool that you’re invested but you can spread those feels around a bit.
6. Not taking care of yourselves. Go to the doctor. Go to the dentist. Do these things on your own, don’t just complain to us about them. You make us worry about you and then tell us it’s nothing and do nothing about it. Take care of yourselves. You’re grown.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
7. Similar to #4 - that thing where you dismiss something we say until a bro says it and then it’s a good idea?
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
8. Saying you’re just not good at remembering things like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Dude we’re not good at it either, that’s why we write it down.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
9. Offering advice before empathy.
In order to trust your advice people need to know that you know where they’re coming from. Skipping over their feelings makes them feel dismissed.
#ToxicMasculinity
In order to trust your advice people need to know that you know where they’re coming from. Skipping over their feelings makes them feel dismissed.
#ToxicMasculinity
10. Interrupting others for your problem/convenience before checking to see if they’re busy. Like, without even acknowledging that you’re interrupting, just busting in and dumping your shit. Why?
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
11. Participating in the objectification of women.
This is big: if you talk with your buddies about a woman in a way that you wouldn’t let them talk about your partner: you are assigning value to a woman based on her relationship to you and not her humanity.
#ToxicMasculinity
This is big: if you talk with your buddies about a woman in a way that you wouldn’t let them talk about your partner: you are assigning value to a woman based on her relationship to you and not her humanity.
#ToxicMasculinity
12. Automatically downgrading the emotions of others, or thinking that they’re being dramatic or overreacting. If you listen you’ll probably find that people are holding back quite a bit and their feelings are bigger than what they’re showing you.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
13. Using rudeness and disgust as a competition. Seriously, what is this thing with seeing who can tell the most inappropriate joke? It actually desensitizes you to real shit in the world. Stop it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
14. Breadwinner/man of the house/head of the family narratives. These reinforce the successful man trope. You’re worth more than your money.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
15. Manspreading. Not the act of spreading your legs but the lack of awareness of how much space you take up and whose space you may be infringing on.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
16. The gendering of tasks. Washing dishes is not woman’s work and setting up the PlayStation is not men’s work. Do not assume that because you don’t like doing something it’s girly. I don’t like washing dishes either.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
17. Expecting us to sit through hours of TV and movies about your interests without offering the same, you effectively double schedule us by forcing us to find time when you're not around to engage in our interests while scheduling us to participate in yours.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
18. Bragging to your friends about your body count.
You don't do that to each other. You don't have a head count for bros you've "scored". We are not burritos, or your laundry, we're people. You don't pick us up, you connect.
#ToxicMasculinity
You don't do that to each other. You don't have a head count for bros you've "scored". We are not burritos, or your laundry, we're people. You don't pick us up, you connect.
#ToxicMasculinity
19. If it doesn't affect you personally it's not a problem. This includes not talking about problems even when they affect people you care about. You got time, speak up. It's not that hard to say "Hey who might be negatively affected by this?"
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
20. Expecting people to educate you.
Look, just because I talk about feminism all the time doesn't mean I want to make a personalized lesson plan for you. Just because I have ADHD doesn't mean I want to tell you all about it. Google it, you've got time.
#ToxicMasculinity
Look, just because I talk about feminism all the time doesn't mean I want to make a personalized lesson plan for you. Just because I have ADHD doesn't mean I want to tell you all about it. Google it, you've got time.
#ToxicMasculinity
21. Assaulting someone’s body because it amuses you.
This means all of it: bra-snapping, ass-slapping and drive by boob-honka-honkas. Y’all don’t do it to each other for funsies. Don’t do it to us.
#ToxicMasculinity
This means all of it: bra-snapping, ass-slapping and drive by boob-honka-honkas. Y’all don’t do it to each other for funsies. Don’t do it to us.
#ToxicMasculinity
22. Assuming that partnership means that if one of you is worried about it, you don’t have to worry about it.
This is called emotional labor. You are not reducing the amount of worry by not caring. You are adding to it.
#ToxicMasculinity
This is called emotional labor. You are not reducing the amount of worry by not caring. You are adding to it.
#ToxicMasculinity
23. Knowing all this but not talking about it. Just cause you were educated by feminists doesn’t mean we’re the only ones who can do this work. You’re assuming we’re better teachers/more patient. We’re not, we’ve just been doing it longer. Catch up.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
24. Not talking about the little things that bother you. You’re allowed to have feelings. You’re allowed to express them. No one is a mind reader.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
25. The concept of “nagging”. It’s highly gendered. It characterizes asking for something as an act that doesn’t involve you. It does. You were asked. No one nags for nothing. Reframe “nagging” as “asking”. i.e.”My wife keeps asking me to take out the trash.”
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
26. Catcalling. It’s done for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only:
- to infringe on someone’s space and safety.
- to gain status with your bros.
It’s not a compliment. It’s not trying to connect. It’s not being friendly. You don’t do it to other dudes.
#ToxicMasculinity
- to infringe on someone’s space and safety.
- to gain status with your bros.
It’s not a compliment. It’s not trying to connect. It’s not being friendly. You don’t do it to other dudes.
#ToxicMasculinity
27. Dividing women into wives and sluts.
My teens and early 20s were filled with being told that I was the kind of woman a man wanted to spend his life with, just not right now. We are not characters in the screenplay of your life. We’ve got our own story.
#ToxicMasculinity
My teens and early 20s were filled with being told that I was the kind of woman a man wanted to spend his life with, just not right now. We are not characters in the screenplay of your life. We’ve got our own story.
#ToxicMasculinity
29. Your interests are not more important than our reality. This can include things like spending on your hobbies without factoring in the grocery budget or equating me buying things I need to you buying things you want.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
31. Absolutely all misinformation/stereotypes/ickyness about menstruation. Y’all make poop jokes all the freaking time. People memstruate, deal with it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
32. Not asking for help. Or directions. Or reading the instructions. Come on, we can hear you banging around. We see the tantrums when shit doesn’t work out. Just ask.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
Damnit. *menstruate. Come on phone, wtf is memstruate?!
33. Assuming that self-help education is women’s stuff. Who gendered being a better person/partner/parent?
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
34. Arguing with words you don’t like because you didn’t bother to look up what they mean. Dudes wrote the whole dictionary, that doesn’t mean you get to define words that already have a definition. Yes, this means “toxic masculinity”.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
35. Not caring about the world.
In every single hetero couple I know women are far more concerned with systemic issues than men. Activism is not a hobby, it’s necessary, share the load.
#ToxicMasculinity
In every single hetero couple I know women are far more concerned with systemic issues than men. Activism is not a hobby, it’s necessary, share the load.
#ToxicMasculinity
36. Not moisturizing.
You have skin. That itch? It’s dry skin. Skin is not gendered. Moisturize your skin. It’s weird that there are grown people walking around who have never moisturized. Get your own moisturizer and stop stealing mine.
#ToxicMasculinity
You have skin. That itch? It’s dry skin. Skin is not gendered. Moisturize your skin. It’s weird that there are grown people walking around who have never moisturized. Get your own moisturizer and stop stealing mine.
#ToxicMasculinity
37. Women do not enjoy buying/thinking up/remembering to get gifts for others more than you. There’s just more social backlash if we don’t do it. Manage your own family’s and friend’s gifts.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
38. Not making physical contact with male offspring.
I read about a dude who sends his boys to bed with a handshake. I’m fully convinced that boys wrestle to fill a need for touch in a socially acceptable way. Hug your kids.
#ToxicMasculinity
I read about a dude who sends his boys to bed with a handshake. I’m fully convinced that boys wrestle to fill a need for touch in a socially acceptable way. Hug your kids.
#ToxicMasculinity
39. Perpetuating the idea that women are cryptic or don’t mean what they say or expect you to be a mind reader. We’re not the ones who don’t talk. If you don’t know what we’re saying you’re not listening.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
40. Expecting your partner to be your therapist. There’s a difference between emotional support and therapy. Some things require a professional. Take care of yourself.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
41. Asking your partner to schedule their feelings for when it doesn’t interrupt your day. “Can we talk about this later? I need to collect my thoughts. Is that okay?” is reasonable. “Can we talk about this after the game?” Is not.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
42. Not asking questions in conversation. Jumping right to statements or opinion. Communication is complicated, the person you’re speaking with may need to talk it out to get to their point. Help them with that.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
44. Talking about women as in or out of your league or saying things like “bro, why is she with you?!” When your buddy is dating someone. Partnership requires more than looks + status.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
45. Referring to any disappointment in expected male behavior as feminine. “Don’t be a girl/pussy”/“man up”.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
46. This shit. #ToxicMasculinty
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47. Sitting back and watching dudes troll women online because you don’t want to be accused of white knighting even though that’s a thing other dudes coined to shame you.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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48. Letting other dudes get away with behavior you know is unacceptable because it’s “awkward” or “uncomfortable” for you to say/do something.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
50. Interrupting any conversation about sexual assault with variations on “Well what about false accusations?!”
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
52. Gendered food. Seriously, there are dudes who won’t eat veggies because they think it’s wimpy. What is that? Steak is not more manly than salad.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
53. Mansplaining. Y’all do it to each other too and I don’t know how you put up with it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
54. Sending unsolicited dick pics. It’s weird. It’s gross. It’s harassment. It’s not funny.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
55. Speaking of dick pics, nudes inequality. Do you know how much time it takes to curate good nudes? Reciprocate, man. Put some work in.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
56. Doing things to annoy me because I’m cute when I’m angry.
This tells me that your amusement is more important than my comfort.
#ToxicMasculinity
This tells me that your amusement is more important than my comfort.
#ToxicMasculinity
57. “I discount your entire argument based on this small detail that I disagree with because I am the arbiter of all things.”
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
58. Adding “not reading to the end of a thread before criticizing it” because of what my mentions look like right now.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
59. Being more upset by criticism of toxic masculinity than actual violence against others in service of toxic masculinity.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
60. Dudes taking care of their own kids is not “babysitting” it’s “parenting”. Treating it like a chore or an inconvenience says a lot more about you than you think.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
61. Suddenly discovering how dangerous the world is for women once you have daughters. Kinda proves you weren’t listening earlier.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
62. Not making an effort to remember peoples pronouns/gender identities or sexual orientations. Or only remembering people by those things.
I know the world has gotten more socially progressive as of late but don’t treat your partner like a Rolodex.
#ToxicMasculinity
I know the world has gotten more socially progressive as of late but don’t treat your partner like a Rolodex.
#ToxicMasculinity
63. Pairing up with girls in school projects because they have better handwriting. Then expecting women to take notes in all group work forever. I dunno, work on your handwriting or something. Take your own notes.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
64. Pretending that ideas are free floating objects independent of people. Your thoughts come from your experience. Who you are affects your experience. Don’t turn other people’s identities into your thought exercises. We’re not pawns, we’re people.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
65. Pushing gender-specific toys/activities on your children.
It’s cool that you want to share interests with your child but you are capable of growing to love their interests. If your son likes dance, learn about it. Don’t be disappointed.
#ToxicMasculinity
It’s cool that you want to share interests with your child but you are capable of growing to love their interests. If your son likes dance, learn about it. Don’t be disappointed.
#ToxicMasculinity
66. The only thing the phrase “Be A Man” is good for is a song in Disney’s Mulan. Unless you’re singing along, remove this phrase from your life.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
67. #ToxicMasculinity you already have pocket privilege. Don't make us do this.
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69. Joking about rape, from prison rape to saying you raped someone at video games.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
70. Gendering any form of education. Whether thats math, tech, humanities, any of it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
71. Putting being right ahead of being real. i.e. Not admitting that you were wrong, mistaken, didn’t know something or that you fucked up.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
73. Tagging a bunch of people with large followings into a thread you disagree with because you don’t pay attention to the level of harassment people already receive on this platform.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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75. Refusing to acknowledge the incredible breakthrough work of Kate Mulgrew as Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
76. Being territorial about your daughters bodies/sex lives. Yes I’m talking about that picture. No I don’t care that it was a joke.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
77. Being upset about lady ghostbusters. Then pretending it’s actually about original storytelling when there are 25 Bond movies.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
79. Using women’s bodies to encourage male attention. In advertising, sports, entertainment, all of it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
82. Reducing feminist criticism of socio-cultural norms to personal bitterness.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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83. Not listening to black women.
This one is actually a triple whammy, can be one of or any combination of the following: toxic masculinity, white supremacy and misogynoir.
#ToxicMasculinity
This one is actually a triple whammy, can be one of or any combination of the following: toxic masculinity, white supremacy and misogynoir.
#ToxicMasculinity
84. Retitling other people’s work to fit your narrative.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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85. Repeating a woman’s words back to her out of context in an attempt to silence her and thus win your argument.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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86. Discouraging boys from reading.
This really affects their reading comprehension throughout life. Much of communication is text based now.
#ToxicMasculinity
This really affects their reading comprehension throughout life. Much of communication is text based now.
#ToxicMasculinity
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87. I don’t even know what to call this one. It’s in there with assuming emotions are related to menstruation though. Open to suggestions on titles for it.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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88. Telling people to stop tweeting shit you don’t like instead of just scrolling on by.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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89. This whole “I don’t like this woman so she must be lonely and therefore have cats because lonely” thing. What, men don’t like cats? What’s wrong with you?
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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90. Ahh yes, the infamous "sandwich" trope. A variation of "go make me a sandwich", a modern day retelling of "get back in the kitchen". This one explains itself, really.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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92. When that masculinity so fragile it can’t handle a joke you know it’s...
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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93. Condescendingly explaining how twitter works to downplay the fact that you’re engaging in targeted harassment.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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94. Demanding personalized emotional labor before, I dunno, checking the goddamned pinned tweet.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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95. By special request: farting contests. Who can fart the longest/loudest (I’m assuming smelliest is in there but I’m getting this from a dude so it seems like secret stuff)? Also light a damn candle. It’s literally toxic.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
97. Special request from my husband: circle jerks. What is that? Why is that? This is a wtf thing. But we’re gonna go ahead and say it’s definitely...
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
99. Here’s a fun one: did you know toxic masculinity knows no gender, and women can engage in it, defend it, protect it, uphold it and enforce it? Sometimes we call it internalized misogyny, or lateral violence!
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
100. Well, there've been so many mentions of my singlehood, which isn't real, so I'm gonna go ahead and add not Googling to the list because it's my list and IDGAF. Do your research, bros!
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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101. Promoting rape culture. And yes, that includes "hey someone should fuck this chick to shut her up!"
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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102. Perpetuating the idea that all feminists are single and hate men. You never met a male feminist? You don’t think male feminists exist? Dudes, that’s...
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
103. Looks like I’ve found the personification of toxic masculinity, and he writes for a conservative blog... anyone surprised? @KurtSchlichter
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
104. Thank you! I did ask for suggestions from the crowd. Male suicide rates! Not talking about mental health. Not knowing the signs of someone in crisis. Not checking up on people, it’s that emotional labor we talked about.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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105. Another excellent point. Rates of death and injury on the job are much higher for men, as patriarchy teaches that some men are disposable. Very important to talk about.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
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106. Believing that all science is objective fact and ignoring the very real biases that have existed across disciplines for centuries.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
107. The dudes who are in my mentions trying to be as offensive as possible so they can be included in the thread.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
108. Saying that people report sexual assault/rape for attention. No one wants attention for that. No one.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
109. I swear to Goddess, if buzzfeed or any of those random sites turns this thread into an article and doesn’t pay me for it... I’m calling that toxic masculinity too. On the record.
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
110. And I’ll be stopping here for now because twitter is now unusable thanks to all the toxic masculinity in my mentions. Thanks for reading, fix this shit!
#ToxicMasculinity
#ToxicMasculinity
Have fun screaming into the void, folks.
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