Thread by @roo_b_boy

Here is another story shared with me by an individual known as Y

What follows is a minimally edited interview

Please read this if you can.

#letusmarry

Me:If you'd like to start with a brief description of your disablity, your partner, how long you've been together that sort of thing?

Y: we are high school sweethearts so like decades long? Cont...

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Y: I went to his prom, we have photos, he was there when I first got sick, and his instinct was not to flee we went to college together, except his freshman year.

M:So were you diagnosed long into the relationship?

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Y: I got Hep A a few months after we starting going out officially and he came to the hospital every night.

When I got home, he saw me every single day, then in college when my body fell apart he didn't know what the hell to do cont...

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I coudn't drink water w/o vomiting and being in pain he took me to the ER thrice in one week.
There was one night he had to go to class, so he made sure like the entire first floor/ ER staff like checked in on me he's amazing cont...

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Y: People who have wanted to dance at our weddng have passed I can't legally live with him he can't afford to support me

M: How long have you both been wanting to get married Or move in?

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Y: We were in it to win it from day one, we got engaged like a year or two later so really we've grown up together he's been with me sick for longer than this has been 24/7.

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M: Do you live together even though you could get caught. No need for details a yes or no will do to get the point across

Y: Yes I hate living like this I wish we could get married the cost of living in my city is very high and he cannot support me, cont...

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Y: he could not afford to pay for my heath care, food or rent.

M: It's ok you don't have to justify yourself to me I understand.

Y: I'm just saying this to get the point across

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M: I understand the need to reassure you're not one of the "bad" people frauding the government.

Y: I mean I feel like I am but also that the system is wrong, so I don't like feeling like a criminal because I can't work & no one else can support me.

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M: I'd like you to tell me some of the things not being able to get married has affected?

Y: If anything happens to me or him we legally have no rights to visit in hospital cont...

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Y: If any of our parents wanted to be horrible and ban us from seeing each other in the hospital, they could.

If he suddenly passes, I will not be eligible for his social security as I would if we had been married for over ten years cont...

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Y: I can't trust people to tell them my situation all the time.

Medicaid has a program now where a relative or someone in your family can be a home heath aide for you and they will pay them cont...

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Y: that would be awesome I could honestly use some extra help some days showering and dressing.

I buy my own food, but he cooks it but like I said I feel like a criminal

M: What are some of the things you've had to do to avoid being caught?

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Y: Nothing so far and I pray it stays that way but If the family member at my address moves what wil happen to me?

M: So you have a family member living with you just so I can get this straight?

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Y: I legally on paper live with a parent I get my mail there, I illegally live with my partner, same area very close by.

M: So a lot of how your pulling this off is contingent on your parents?

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Y: Yes, this parent wants to join a retirement community whenever they are able to retire I could use my other parents address but they are moving in June and don't know where yet so we would have to move near them.

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M: How has it affected yours and your partners relationship?

Y: We both wanted to get married, he's never been to cool with the thought of a wedding, but he always assumed we would have one cont...

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Y: it just sucks not to be able to call him my husband even though he is in my eyes.

We can't tell people what's up with our situation because we don't know who to trust cont....

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Y: Something that has been said to me so many times, just because I can't get married does not mean I am not in a relationship that is that serious don't ever say that to disabled people it's really shitty.

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M:If there was one thing you would want ableds to understand from all of this what is it?

Y: One thing I want abled people to know we do not have marriage equality when we need to choose between the help we need to live and the people we may love most in the world.

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Y: Abled people have always tried to control us, our romances, our marriages, our sex lives.

Let's end that shit, let us get married without losing the help we need to not die. Why should we have to choose, I would say to them.

END INTERVIEW

#letusmarry

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