Thread by @Vengeful_Doe

There are plenty of resources on the Olympian Gods, but do any of them answer the question, "How would I fare in a fistfight against this guy?"

I got u, bb

SHOULD YOU FIGHT: GREEK #GODS EDITION

#FolkloreThursday

picture citations at end

ZEUS: King of the Gods. Goes HAM if his throne's challenged, ranging from "lightning bolt" to "eating girlfriend in case her 👏 currently 👏 non-existent 👏 2nd child one day threatens him." Do not fight, esp. bc you KNOW he'll try & turn it into a makeout sesh halfway through.

HERA: Queen of the Gods. DO NOT FIGHT JFC DON'T DO IT DON'T. Check the fate of some of Zeus's sidepieces (ex. Io, Lamia) & tell me you want to take her on.
Plus her life seems pretty joyless (best compliment she gets is "cow-eyed," come ON) so just be chill & leave her alone.

APOLLO: God of sun, music, law, aka "Ugh, this guy." For a guy who called dibs on so many major areas of worship, he doesn't do much except get dunked on by every girl he dates. Please fight him. Wait 'til he's midway through a pithy adage and pop him right in the mouth.

ARTEMIS: Goddess of the hunt. Fight her if you wanna get LIT UP. Come correct or she won't even dirty her hands w/you, just turn you into a stag & have your own dogs kill you. IF you fight her AND you live, thank her for the honor & then come tell me all about it, you lucky duck.

ARES: God of war. I know you're thinking, "Don't fight the literal god of war." Wrong. Ares is *extremely* dumb, so just goad him into charging, side-step & let him run off a cliff or something. He's basically Wile E. Coyote, you absolutely must fight him. Video if possible.

HEPHAESTUS: God of smiths. I wouldn't fight the Hef if I were you. Dude lives in a volcano, designs weapons for a living, & survived getting frisbee'd off a mountaintop at the age of two minutes, so you know he's a scrapper. Plus he's got lats for dayyyyyyyys, CALL ME, HEPH.

POSEIDON: God of the sea. Odysseus can attest, this jerk HOLDS GRUDGES, so don't start a fight with Poseidon that you're not prepared to finish.
...Finish it, though. I don't care what it takes, fight him, beat him, and let the last words he hears be "That was for Medusa."

ATHENA: Goddess of Wisdom & [Defensive] Warfare. omg don't fight her, dummy, she literally invented strategy. You won't even make it to the ARENA, you'll twist your ankle en route and lose by forfeit and you'll never prove it but it was her. She was behind it. Flawless victory.

APHRODITE: Goddess of love. Win or lose, if you fight Aphrodite, you will never go on another date as long as you live. Decide whether you deem that a pro or a con and proceed accordingly.

DEMETER: Goddess of agriculture. We all WANT to fight Demeter since her maternal clinginess netted us mortals 3-9 mos. of crap weather every year but none of us WILL fight Demeter because she created Mom Guilt. You will crumble in the face of it. Don 't be ashamed, we all would.

HERMES: God of thieves. If you fight Hermes, you'll walk away thinking you won. That feeling will last as long as it takes to realize your watch, wallet, & shoelaces are missing.
(He took your shoelaces to prove he could. You were wearing loafers, which makes it more impressive.)

DIONYSIUS: God of Wine. VERY CAREFULLY stipulate terms before fighting, otherwise he'll rook you into a drinking contest ("You said we'd go shot for shot!" "Yeah, of ouzo!") and trust me, this guy's liver is tougher than Prometheus's.

HADES: God of the Underworld. This is a tough one. He looks imposing but reports describe him as a homebody; he refused a throne on Olympus just to avoid his family's endless parade of nonsense. Fight him, but be ready to fight his wife immediately afterwards. Speaking of...

PERSEPHONE, aka "The Destroyer": Goddess of Spring. Fight her if you want to die. The floral arrangements at your wake will be STUNNING.

HESTIA: First of all how dare you.

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