Thread by @ruanna3

Some days, I’m amazed by my own charm and grace.

Thursday was not one of those days.

#storytime

First of all, I was so distracted thinking about the sandwich I was about to go pick up that I literally walked into the wall while passing by the CEO’s office. Like, BAM.

She looked up. #ofcourse

I smiled awkwardly and then ran out the door. In the lobby, the security guy said, “Hope you brought your umbrella.” ☔️

Thinking he was quipping about the overcast weather - geez dude, it’s only sprinkling - the sandwich shop’s across the street, I chuckle and head out

You know, actually, the sprinkling is a little heavier than I thought. Maybe I should go borrow an umbrella from the office. But I DON’T ADMIT DEFEAT and run outside. I sprint along West Broadway, maxi dress hitched up most undignified.

I WILL GET THIS SANDWICH

I get to the corner and it starts to pour, I mean open up. I am drenched instantly.

There’s a guy with an umbrella. He looks at me, then his phone.

At this point, he looks like this to me:

FINE DUDE I GUESS THIS IS WHAT FEMINISM IS RIGHT NO UMBRELLA FOR YOU ANNA

If I had an umbrella, I would have offered to share with any in that aquatic conflagration.

I mean, really dude?

Me:

FINALLY, the light changes and I run full tilt across the street. There’s a line, so I wait politely in a soaked dress even though I can see my paid-for sandwich on the counter, bagged and ready to go.

I snatch the bag and, well, already soaked so head back. I run past the Brown theatre - there are a half-dozen construction workers in camp chairs, dry, under the marquee.

Then, CATASTROPHE. My soaked sandwich bag splits and my roast beef flies six feet down the street.

Them:

I laught hysterically and shout something about NOT MY BEST DECISION, pick up my soaked sandwich OFF THE STREET and keep running

By now it’s a matter of principle

I hurried back past the security guard, justly laughing his ass off, and rush into the elevator to make a puddle on the floor.

Then to the bathroom where I try to dry myself...with paper towels. Still gripping the ruined bag, lol

Thank god the CEO left, but return to find another coworker waiting on me. After laughing for about three minutes, she loaned me some spare clothes.

And that’s how I spent my Thursday, in exercise clothes too small for me.

FIN.

Postscript:

Oh, and my sandwich made it just fine, they wrap those things tight.

Thanks, @jimmyjohns