GRITTY IS LIT. #GrittyIsLit
seriously what the fuck is Gritty
I love Gritty, I do, but you can tell Gritty did some bath salts and killed a guy with an ice skate before eating him under a bridge
WHERE IS HIS NOSE
I bet Gritty got fucked up on yard mushrooms and ate his own nose
Listen we already have the Philly Phanatic and I don’t know what the sweet hot hell he is but despite looking like the secret love child of Big Bird and Gonzo, he at least looks like he has his shit together
and then there was GRITTY
he’s gonna haunt me
I think I love him
this is the last thing you see before you die
GRITTY has seen some shit too
he’s seen the inside of a CIA black site prison
he’s seen two meteors fucking on the far side of Saturn before birthing an angry comet
he’s seen his own soul leave his body after a long night of weird Russian cocaine
GRITTY knows what you did
this is when GRITTY looks up from the other mascot he just killed and he sees you seeing him
and now you both have a choice
will he come for you
will you join him
were you GRITTY all along
GRITTY is like a McDonald’s mascot in the End Times
an Apocalypse Muppet
a glorious fast food hockey abomination
and he’s coming
do not cast shade toward my large adult son
GRITTY sways with a belly full of bathtub tequila and possum meat
he is seducing you even now
GRITTY is part bear, part orangutan, part piss-soaked mop, part hill cannibal, part angel from the Book of Ezekiel, part gas station attendant high on spraypaint, part Yeti, part Leviathan, part Behemoth, part the Xenomorph baby from Alien: Resurrection, and part of you too
gritty is lit
GRITTY
IS
LIT
#GrittyIsLit
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