Chuck Wendig Profile picture
Bestselling apple monster. Sundance Lab alum. Books: Wanderers, Miriam Black, Magic Skeleton. Soon: Book of Accidents (7/20), Dust & Grim (10/6). Strongbad avi.
Laura Sewell Profile picture Leigh Profile picture Rick Gladwin Profile picture 3 subscribed
Oct 9, 2018 5 tweets 1 min read
ways to combat climate change
- eat people, preferably the annoying and bad ones
- stop farting all the time
- make your own socks instead of cutting down all those sock trees
- fire guns at the mean clouds
- or maybe instead just VOTE IN NOVEMBER & hold CORPORATIONS RESPONSIBLE seriously I joke because if I can't joke I'll eat my own fingers down to the bloody nubbin
Oct 8, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
Soy contains phytoestrogen -- plant estrogen -- that is assumed by insecure dipshits to have an effect on male virility. (Regular milk has estrogen. So does bourbon.) More to the point, it is a coded insult that implicitly, if not explicitly, sexist and homophobic. Ironically, soy and cuck and beta are also baby booboo diaperboy insults -- they're the repeated chants of not a savvy bully but the savvy bully's dingleberry buddies who stand in the back and just repeat what they hear. A gaggle of lesser dumdums behind King Dumdum Biff Tannen.
Oct 8, 2018 5 tweets 4 min read
In case you missed the announcement, I'm writing a five-issue miniseries called SHADOW OF VADER for Marvel! Deets here -->… And also it's time to announce DEATH & HONEY, a second series of novellas written by @KevinHearne, @DelilahSDawson (as Lila Bowen) and myself -- bonus, @SubPress is doing a limited print run! Cover by @galendara --…
Oct 7, 2018 5 tweets 2 min read
oh good I’m sure this won’t be annoying at all convicted felon says what
Oct 6, 2018 11 tweets 2 min read
There will be renewed calls for civility. Ignore them. They ask for civility as a way for you to grant them complicity in what they do. Civility is for normalcy. When things are normal and working as intended, civility is part of maintaining balance. But when that balance is gone, civility does not help return it but rather, destabilize it further. Because your civility gives them cover for evil.
Oct 4, 2018 6 tweets 2 min read
I do seriously believe that art and writing and storytelling is an act of resistance. It shouldn't be the only one, but it can be a vital one just the same. Stories change the world. Art reflects a society that then works to reflect art in turn. I think it can be resistance to fill your work with your ideas. I think it can be resistance to give yourself and your audience an escape hatch from the boiling cauldron of stupid we're all living in. I think all art is politics, and there's value in embracing that and using it.
Oct 4, 2018 10 tweets 2 min read
Kavanaugh, in any other timeline, should be synonymous with poisoned ground. The obvious lies, the belligerent stance, the tide of law professors protesting him, fucking CHURCHES saying "nope," and oh, the SEXUAL ASSAULT, because holy shit? But this is our new fucked-up timeline. (that's churches the religious institution, not CHVRCHES the very good band btw)

(though I'm sure they're opposed to, because they're cool like that)
Oct 2, 2018 4 tweets 2 min read
hey everybody it’s Snoobug why don’t we all practice an #emergencysnootboop

1) arrange index finger in pointy direction
2) gently thrust finger at phone
3) touch Snoobug’s nose (aka “snoot”)
4) say “boop” as you do this
5) feel that good calm come over you, aww yeah that’s the stuff them’s the good drugs
Oct 2, 2018 9 tweets 2 min read

Oct 1, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
NICE TRY SPIDER update to this tweet: a number of people thought to spidersplain to me what this spider was on my chair and I assume these people don't follow me at all or know literally anything about me
Sep 28, 2018 14 tweets 3 min read
Sep 28, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
IT'S FRIDAY AKA FUCK-EM-ALL-FRIDAY, A GREAT FUN DAY TO PRINT OUT A PICTURE OF SOMEONE YOU DESPISE, POP A SQUAT OVER THEM, AND LET FLY WITH A STREAM OF RAGE-PEE, JUST SPLISH-SPLASH, TAKING A BATH, THIS IS A CURSE, A HEX, congrats you're a wizard now, take this responsibility srsly or, in a choose-your-own-adventure Motivational Tweet, you can have a nicer, kinder vibe --
Sep 27, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
Kavanaugh: Kavanaugh:
Sep 27, 2018 7 tweets 1 min read
THURSDAY. Take permission to do something nice for yourself today! Look away from the rampant dipshittery, pet a dog, read a book, buy a dog, drink a fancy coffee, watch clouds, buy two dogs, unhinge your jaw and disgorge snakes, endless venom noodles to swarm and bite your prey seriously at this point life can best be measured by the small gestures of kindness you do for yourself and for others, a kind word, a nice thought, a piece of chocolate, a few minutes of meditation, a steady hour of barfing rage bees at Republicans, and don't forget wasps
Sep 26, 2018 6 tweets 2 min read
This is a thing that will happen -- I will RT a Democrat saying [X thing, like Kavanaugh] is bad, and reasons and something something, and then --

This occurs. Someone shows up and is like THEN FIX IT YOU ASSHOLE.

It's an understandable impulse. It's also complete nonsense.
Sep 25, 2018 7 tweets 2 min read
Fuck the GOP. They don’t care about women. They don’t care about you or me or even each other. Certainly not America. Only themselves — and the interests of wealthy white pseudo-Christian men, when it intersects, when it is convenient. They are serpents in the grass, all. Further there seems a particularly callous aspect of the GOP these days — maybe it’s been there always and they just better hid their dominionist POV. They want to control women and the marginalized; they want to maximize their own advantage by maximizing your disadvantages.
Sep 24, 2018 15 tweets 4 min read
GRITTY IS LIT. #GrittyIsLit seriously what the fuck is Gritty

I love Gritty, I do, but you can tell Gritty did some bath salts and killed a guy with an ice skate before eating him under a bridge
Sep 24, 2018 7 tweets 2 min read
I expect the reason men in the GOP has not indicated any hesitation at all with Kavanaugh isn't just because they're trying to ignore it and hope it goes away -- it's because they don't consider this a problem in the first place. To them it's a feature, not a bug. His treatment of women over the years is not anathema to them -- nor is it in opposition to the agenda they and he will set. That agenda is one where women are tools, inferior to and subject to the whims of men.
Sep 21, 2018 8 tweets 1 min read
So much batshit theorizing from the right about Kavanaugh. Doppelgängers! Flawed memories! Oh, here's one, maybe it was a Venom Symbiote! Maybe he was a Skrull! Or there's a Scooby-Doo villain out there with an axe to grind, and he would've gotten away with it too Or maybe, here's one, here's a theory, it's wild, I know, it's pretty cuckoo, pretty wacky, but hear me out --

He did it.
Sep 21, 2018 5 tweets 3 min read
Folks who knew both Kavanaugh and this potato in high school have commented on how much they resembled each other in appearance. Here are Kavanaugh and this potato in their senior yearbook photos. Folks who knew both Kavanaugh and this jar of mayonnaise in high school have commented on how much they resembled each other in appearance. Here are Kavanaugh and this jar of mayonnaise in their senior yearbook photos.
Sep 20, 2018 4 tweets 1 min read
This is me, always. Also me about books I’ve read. Also me about <insert most topics here> Related phenomenon that sometimes happens:

Person: “Hey, do you like that show/movie/book/game?”

Me: “I love it.” (Not a lie.)

Person: *does some quote or in-joke from the content in question*

Me: *dead, blank stare*