Thread by @ItsUncleStephen

Stirring up from sleep,I realized I was in an unfamiliar bed. When the webs of sleep cleared from my eyes and I saw where i was, I knew I had messed up.

If there’s one rule you shouldn’t break this was it.

Cut-off time 4 girls hostel was 9pm.

It was 9:42

Brethren
Issa thread

My school had five hostels, containing about 300rooms, spread across three floors. Hall A and B for boys, Hall C and D for ladies, and one small PG-hostel.

They were all built like a square with an open center. Boys could visit girls and vice Versa

Visitation time for weekdays was 4pm to 9pm and weekends from 12pm-9pm.

Then the most important question. What happens if you’re caught over the allowed time in the hostel.

For babes you get a slap on the wrist but for Guys, just start designing burial poster cos issalova

Girls had man o’ war guys as well as military boys (usually ex students of NMS/ Air force jos) living within for security sort of.

Let’s just say that if the god of bad luck decides to visit you, like he did Progress who overstayed till 9:05 and was made to do the following

Frog jump round the female hostel

Go around picking dirt in the room of babes including the One he came to toast, while the ones who never get visited laugh at the top of their voice and point at you to their friends as “that LAWMA boy”

Brethren the shame is usually not funny

So even if engrossed in the most romantic discussion. Even if the babe is blowing your head like balloon and then bursting it,you must never lose track of time.Babe fit don use kiss turn you from frog to prince but if those man’o war boys hold you eh,baba you will croak with pain

I need not even tell you what happens next. When I talk about my village chinwetalu Agu, Kanayo o Kanayo. Infact my village Progress (Cos I don’t trust that boy) never relenting in their quest to fuck me up, people say issalie!

But brethren they did me strong thing

As usual they used babe. I entered Hall D around say 1:30pm to see one blessed child. I was feeling her and she was feeling me too. As per Normal babes something, some days she’ll be hot for me, other days she go cold pass North Pole. She had a boyfriend who had graduated,

But her emotional traffic lights were flashing bright green and as a law abiding citizen, i obeyed and moved the vehicle of my love, towards her, according to her direction. Amem?

The maths I did was that 1.30 to 9pm gave us about 8hours to frolick. That was more than enough

With that confidence in mind I relaxed my nerves while In her room.

Each room has about 6 double bunks.The beds are separated with curtains sometimes into “corners” and a large space left for cupboard,boxes pretty much anything that couldn’t be in the wardrobe or under the bed

My girl’s corner had just a bunk in it, giving us the privacy we needed to study the word of God. Amem one more time? To even aid our bible study her bunk mate was not around. She too had gone for weekend evangelism and fellowship at Bro-Ikechukwu ministries. Amem two more time?

It is important to note that at the time this happened I was in 4th year and a popular MC known also as “your father” around campus. Any mess up, surely the entire school must know.

brethren last I remember we were gisting, playing and around 7 when I wanted to leave,

She refused. And said I should do one more hour. It’s not even 8.30 yet she said to me with gooey love eyes. Next thing we were lying down and just cuddling in the slight darkness of her corner, no words being said between us.

This is why I fear girls with big breasts. You’ll be talking about economics but when they put your head on their breast like this you’ll start reciting 1 to 30 billion.

1,2 before I could buckle my shoe, my head like blue band butter had been cradled between her bread bosom.

The words “ home sweet home” escaped my lips as I slowly floated away saying hello to the other side. Not only did i sleep, like those biblical old men, I dreamt dreams. I was flying , gliding, happy, while real life was waiting for me with fat cane soaked in pepper

When reality flogged me awake, and I saw 9:42, I knew I was finished. I looked at my watch again some minutes after I had roused babe awake, and the digital lettering showed 9:48 in an even deeper red color, as if reinforcing the fact that I was in serious trouble

Worry lines crisscrossed my face. I could see same on my girls face. Her roomies didn’t even know I was still there because of the curtain in her corner which I had been happy with earlier Cos it turned her corner to the holy of holies we needed for effective communion

My mind painted a clear picture of what would happen. The frog jump, the beating especially from one man o war guy still smarting from the loss of a babe in 2nd year to me. Ah! The campus magazine headlines “ MC stevo fingered in girls hostel after hour brouhaha”

No!

I pinched myself and did those things they do in nollywood to confirm whether dream or not. Brethren it was a case of “or not” I was stuck in girls hostel by 10pm.

I mentally wrote my will.My purple boxers to Progress the red one to Uche. Remember me friends

Thankfully the babes in my girls room were a loyal bunch. No snitches and they were racking their brains on how best to get me out. It seemed hard as there was only one exit to the hostel and it was flanked by military room and man o war quarters.

The hostel was always fully lit and it seemed the best option was to wait till midnight, when the school generator would have been turned off.

But I know my village people. This is when they’ll whisper to NEPA oga “let there be light” and ruin my life

Ideas and suggestions were flying all around the room when we heard a knock.

Who is it?

Man o’ war open the door now the voice boomed from the other end.

Wazzaldis na?

I scanned the room for where to hide.

Under the bed - too obvious
Wardrobe - first place they’ll check
Under the duvet - when I’m not harry song

Maybe I should form mannequin- but this is girls hostel not okey best boutique na

I was at a loss for ideas

Finally I was hid at a corner, under a small cloth line in the room, a cane rack hiding me in plane view and a Some bags put there for effect and to diffuse suspicion. It was a risk but what choice did I have? I ducked in and maintained a fetal position.

Door opens....

Man’ o war guy walks in, giving the room a suspicious look. Why did it take you people long to open? Are you cooking here? Are you hiding somebody?

Ahn ahn! We had to dress up Na a go retorted.

If you say so he replied, prancing about the room still suspiciously

He had come to pass some new hostel rules or so I couldn’t tell. crouched in a fetal position, I was trying hard not to be born or my own would be finished.

One of the roomies who had not been around came in and headed straight where I was and started hanging wet paynt

Ah!

She didn’t even notice I was there. Probably the bad lighting at that place helped but she just hung her thing dripping slightly and joined up with the lectures.

There I was brethren,receiving showers. Not of blessing but of paynt.

It would drop on my head then roll to my mouth like anointing oil. What was I being anointed sef? Eh? King of girls hostel, with G-string water. It kept dropping.

Toptop
Toptoptop

Toptop

Ah brethren it was raining all over me. I could feel it and it wasn’t a latter rain

I tried to adjust small and one landed straight on my lips. And Cos of how I was positioned I couldn’t bring my hands to wipe it.

It kept dropping

Top top

Then it came faster

Toptoptoptoptoptoptoptoptoptop like a fiery rain and my mind even made me hear thunder!!

Don’t blame me, my mind creates crazy images when I’m in certain not so cool situations. One more drop landed on my nose and nearly broke the camel of my resistance back. I wanted to scream “here I am! Beat me! “ but I restrained myself.
Foolish man o war talk fast comot na no!

After like 20 years he finally left and I fled out of my hiding place, slightly drenched. The Yeye girl I came to see even had the nerve to tease me “Mc stevo” as they laughed at my predicament. But I no send them. If scofield could do it I can do it. I had to break outta there

Then an idea came to me.
What if I dressed like a girl, and when the generator had been turned off, I sneaked out in the cover of the night. We all thought it a brilliant idea after all what else could I do.

Wetin don loss don lost as ONOS will say

I proceeded to transgender.

Wig on

Small make up on my face.

Thankfully I wasn’t beard gang so it could work.

Then I got some confirmed breasts and ass courtesy of clothes stuffed into a bra and my boxers.

Then I threw a gown over it all and surveyed myself

🎵All my leleleleleleledies give it to me- fine girl! 🎵That was the end result.

I looked so nice I wanted to look at my image in the mirror like “psst Stephanie! Psst! fine girl are you going my way? Why not come let me love you!

I was convinced. This would work.

Midnight came, generator went off and the hostel wore a dark clothing. There was still noise here and there Cos it was social week in school. But we in room 322 kicked off operation escape.I and three other girls carried buckets like we needed to fetch water while others prayed

My friend you that is reading this, wherever you’re just say a word of prayer! Pray!!!!!

One leg out, look left, look right, we stepped out. I had barely done four steps, next thing I knew, my bum bum don dey near my laps Charley!

Abort mission!
I returned to the room

Tied it a lot stronger. Tested it by walking around the room. Confident in its ability to serve, we did take 2 of the escape project

2nd floor no wahala

1st floor no wahala

Ground floor,we had passed the military room and just at the mouth of the hostel, we heard “stop there”

Stop where?!

Look at this imbeside!

We continued walking when the voice directly “ those four girls going to fetch water” stop!

We stopped.

Didn’t you hear me the first time?

The man o war said
“Sorry” we chorused

“Let me escort you to the tap. You know it’s dark”

“We’re fine thank you”

“Common fine girls, relax let me protect you” he said looking at my girls mammaries.

Ewwwwww
I wanted to vomit hearing this. Anyama! God hope I’ve never sounded like this before to a babe kee me please

He insisted. He reeked of alcohol, and was hard to convince not to help. So we let him come with us. I too had to go to the tap. If not my plan was to On exiting the hostel, fling nyash troway breast and run for my dear life to boys hostel. But no! This animal had changed it all

He was giddy and hitting on all for us.I looked at him like if I hit you with this bucket eh. Never-do-Well Mtchew!

He even put his hand on my waist saying how it reminded him of an ex’s waist

Listen young man Ogun will ex you, ex all your generation if you don’t leave me now

He asked my name and I replied “Stephanie”. Wow nice name! It certainly has a ring to it. Exactly bro! It is the ring that’ll ring in your ear when amadioha slaps you

Ah! I wanted to die! He was ogling me! But what could I do.Couldn’t break cover. Had to laugh hehehegodpunishyou

He stayed there till we finished fetching water, then was escorting us back to the hostel. I couldn’t separate myself and make a run for it. I was helplessly heading for the hostel again when one of the girls faked a phone call and handed me the phone “ Ah! Yes! Tony! Ok! No p”

“ you guys can go I’ll meet you upstairs it’s Tony he wants to give me my material back. He’s been calling me.”

If that’s the case let me wait in front of the hostel with you my sweet Stephanie!

Hey god which kind bitter fool be this Abeg

No problem escort my friends. Those ones kuku flirted and rubbed his head till he left me there and walked in with them.With the coast clear, I ran for my life and generation to hall B.Just behind it,I took off my female garb and a bright light flashed before me.

What again?

It was a guy. He had taken my picture with his phone . “MC Stevo I see you o. So you dey dress like babe enter girls hostel go mekwe!”

“Baba no be so”

“ Na so o. I see you. I get proof”
While I was begging a man o war from male hostel saw us. Recognizing me he asked any P?

No wahala I replied and the boy corroborated. The man o war walked on and the boy named his price “Stevo! I want 3 free ticket for any of your show for this school”

I gree! No wahala! I gree!

He deleted the picture assuring me he would blow it all if I reneged

I entered Hall B,climbed my bed, thanked God for journey mercies, called the babes that I was safe and I have never recounted this story to anyone until now because as ONOS says, who Dey sell pepper no Dey use hand scratch prick.And I stopped selling this pepper years ago

Amem?

The end
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With love
Uncle Stephen

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