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Tech bro. Satirist

Apr 17, 2018, 68 tweets

My journey of love didn't begin well, I fell in love with Nike in my new school and my life changed.

We called her Nikki, I did everything possible through the help of my new friend KK to woo her but "bad belle" was everywhere.

NIKKI MINAJ 😂😘

Thread

The first day in my new school was awkward because I was the only one not putting on a uniform in my class, I was in science class & I took the first day to profile my classmates.

I looked out for the bullies, the 'I too knows', the 'I don't cares' & of course the slay queens.

Subsequent days were better because I got my school uniform on time & life in the new school had started, one afternoon while we were on long break I noticed this fine chocolate girl walking towards me.

It felt like everything around me paused & she was on slow motion.

Damn!

She came closer & the wind blew the little pony tail her 'tea cup' made from the 'tea cup & saucer' hairstyle she was carrying, every other girl had the same hairstyle but it was like her head was made specially for it.

She gradually walked pass me & all i could say was "hi"

I became speechless & from that day my life never remained the same, I fell in love with her immediately & started thinking of her everytime.

Few days later after I saw her, I saw her again on the assembly ground & I realized she was in SS1 while I was in SS2. I fell even deeper

I had made this new friend KK who was sitting next to me, I called him one morning after our maths teacher left - our next class was free so I decided to engage him.

"Guy e get one fine girl for SS1 wey I like" I said to KK as I started to describe her.

"I sabi her" he replied!

Na she be the main babe for that class, even SS3 boys dey eye her" KK added, I told him I was already in love with her.

"Mehn, e go hard small o" KK said, I asked him why it would be difficult & he said a famous bully named "Ballo" had a crush on her.

"E no mean guy!" I replied

KK told me that he would support me because he would rather I date her than Ballo does, I was happy he had my back but had no clue on how to go about it all.

I started to strategize, everyday during break I'd go to her class to catch a glimpse of her but she wouldn't notice me..

One hot afternoon during Physics classes I excused myself from the classroom to go pee, on my way to the boys toilet I passed through Nike's class & noticed they were free & she was sitted alone.

As I looked through her class window our eyes met, she smiled at me & that was it..

I went inside the class & nobody noticed me, everybody minded their own business so I walked straight to Nike's table.

"Hi"

"Hello, you're the new guy in SS2 science?" She asked,

"She even knows me, it's finished!" I thought to myself as I adjusted my collar properly

"Its me"

She asked for my name & I told her, she then told me hers & I told her I already knew her name. She asked how I knew & I became nervous, it dawned on me that I was talking to my crush.

My bladder started to vibrate & I remembered I wanted to go pee.

"I have to go now"

"Bye"

On my way out of her class I saw my physics teacher walking by, I became scared & made a move to hide but he caught me!

"What are you doing here?!" He asked with fire in his eyes, I told him I came to collect my pen from that class.

"My friend will you get back to your class!"

I ran back to my class still pressed, I was able to hold it within till I went to pee immediately it was short break.

I went home that day happy, all I could think of amidst the embarrassment was Nike's eyes - her voice replayed in my head.

I was in love & my mumu button was on

The next week I went to school looking fly, I made sure my uniform was well ironed - I got into class with a high spirit & had rehearsed all i planned to tell Nike during break.

I told KK of my plan & he encouraged me, it was soon short break - I arranged myself & stepped out

As I walked through the lobby towards Nike's class I suddenly saw her coming, I became excited - As she came closer I said hi to her with a big grin.

"Hi Uche" she replied with a smile & kept walking, my heart stopped beating & I started feeling cold.

"What just happened?"

"She probably thinks I'm a freak because of the way I chickened out" I thought, I looked back & saw her standing by SS3 block - smiling with the famous bully; Ballo.

I immediately became ashamed, my self esteem was attacked & I struggled to keep my cool for the rest of the day..

On our way home I narrated my ordeal to KK, "omo you mess up o, but no worry" he said again - giving me reassurance.

"You sabi write love letter?" KK asked as we approached my bus stop, I told him I could & he told me to write a love letter & he'll help me deliver it.

"Ehen?"

I got home that day, freshened up & ate dinner. Later in the night I tore a fullscap sheet, cleaned my reading lantern & started to compose letter.

"Dear Nikki.." I started, I told her how I felt & how it would be a dream come through if she was mine.

I finished writing & slept

The next day at school I was so nervous, "Guy see the letter" I told KK before the 1st period started. "Correct, hope say you write sweet things sha?" He asked, I told him I did.

"No worry she go gree" he said as he took it & left the class, fingers crossed as I waited for KK...

"How far? You give her?" I asked him when I saw him walking in behind Mr Jegede our Math teacher, he nodded to signal a yes & I became excited.

"Correct guy" I said giving him a thumbs up, I couldn't focus during class as all u thought of was Nike

"I wan go her class" I told KK

"No! Na she suppose come see you na, or she go reply" he replied, "just chill" he added. I waited till the close of day & Nike didn't show up.

I started to wonder if Nike had read the letter, "she may have read it out loud in the class o!" I said to KK

"Guy chill first" KK said

After we finished packing our books & it was time to go home I told KK to go, "I go meet u for road"I said. He asked what I was waiting for & I lied I wanted to see the principal.

He said ok & left, I went to sit by my class window just to monitor students leaving Nike's class..

After about 15 minutes of waiting to see if Nike would pass by & she didn't, I became sad - "she must've left" I thought to myself.

I dragged my bag & when I made a move to go out, I suddenly saw Nike leaving class!

"Yes!"

I waited a bit before stepping out to the lobby like..

I walked a bit in front such that she could notice me, I also slowed my pace so that she could catchup with me. I walked for a few minutes & finally she caught up, while she was walking past I said hello to her.

"Hi Uche, how are you?" She replied & kept walking.

"Osanobua!!"

I thought of letting her go? Or "man up" & follow up since she was alone? I doubled up & caught up with her.

"What kept u back in class?" I asked, she told me she was copying a note. "Nice" I said as I followed up with more lines, in a few minutes I got her laughing & I was glad

We barely walked for a minute when I noticed Ballo coming out from his classroom, I became discouraged & withdrew my pace.

"Are u guys going together?" I asked her & she said yes, I was sad but couldn't show it - I walked her close to Ballo, waved at them & left heartbroken like

Days in school became slow for me, I tried to focus on my studies & forget about Nike but I couldn't.

One day I called KK & told him I needed to try one last time, I brought out another letter I had written the previous night & gave to him.

"Ok I go give her" he said & left

I kept wondering why Nike didn't reply my letter but she always smiled at me whenever we saw, each time I try to catch her alone I saw her with Ballo.

"She must be dating Ballo" I concluded, when KK came back I asked him if Nike & Ballo were dating.

"I no know o" He said.

Hmmm

One day I stepped outside class during break, I looked down the lobby & saw Nike standing with another girl. I smiled at her & she smiled back, I thought of walking up to her (at least she isn't with Ballo" I thought.

I looked again & she was still with the girl..

"Maybe not"

I decided to go get lunch instead, as I walked close to the hall I saw Ballo coming with KK. I was shocked, I looked at KK in the eyes & he looked terrified.

"What's KK doing with Ballo?" I thought, as they came close I stopped them.

"KK how far?" I asked.

"Dey go" he replied

Ballo looked at me, pointing his finger he said "you I just dey watch you" & kept moving as he dragged KK with him. I wanted to report to the principal but I knew snitching would get me killed so I chilled.

I finished eating & left the dining, on my way back I saw Nike's friend!

"You're Nike's friend right?" She asked, I didn't know what it meant so I just said yes. She smiled & said she had something for me - "but I'll give you after closing hour" she added.

I told said ok, she smiled & said bye. "I like your smile" I said as I walked away..

"Really?"

"So do you think I'm fine?" She asked further, I told her I thought she was pretty. She smiled & walked away happy, I shook my head & went back to class.

After closing hours I located her, she told me her name was Peace - brought out a pack of 'Baba dudu' & gave it to me

"Ahh!"

I was so happy as the last time I had it was in junior secondary, I thanked her & took it from her. We started licking it, headed out & walked home together.

Next day Peace came to my class, we talked for some minutes & we laughed. She was so nice to me & I started to like her..

One afternoon in school during short break, peace came to my class & asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her I had none, "the only person I liked didn't like me back".

I asked her why she asked & she said she liked me, I was surprised she was straightforward.

"Really?"

"Yes!"

I told her I liked her too & I thought she was kind, you like me?" She asked & I said yes. I didn't know what my statement implied until she kissed me! We'd barely kissed for 5 seconds when I saw Nike walk into my class.

She saw us kissing & ran away, I became confused!

"Chai!"

I held Peace by her hand to make her stop, she looked at me - as I was about to say something she held my lips

"Shh. Don't say anything" she said, "see you after school" she added & left.

"Hmm. After school" I thought

The break was soon over & everybody walked into the class..

That was how Peace & I started an impromptu "relationship", I was in love with Nike but tried to let go - especially with peace all over me.

Also, Nike had Ballo so...

"It's all good!"

I stopped seeing much of Nike, we only came across each other once & she didn't smile at me.

One afternoon while we were in class we heard the principal raising his voice, it was so loud that our English teacher stopped teaching.

"What's going on?" My classmates asked, we looked through the window & saw Ballo begging the Principal.

"What's happening?" Everybody asked

The principal called an indefinite assembly of the students through the time keeper, we all gathered & he addressed us. He told us that Ballo would be expelled from the school after facing suspension twice.

He told us that he beat a junior student whose father was a military man

"This would serve as a warning for the rest of you!" He continued, he asked Ballo to get his bag & leave the school premises.

Ballo went to grab his bag, pleaded with the Principal & VP but they just served him his expulsion letter & asked the security throw him out.

Dismissed!

The school went silent for a few minutes, while we were waking back to our classes I noticed some junior boys jubilating. "Finally that bully has gone" one junior boy said as he walked pass me.

As I walked close to my class I saw Peace, she came closer & asked me how I was doing

"I'm fine. You?"

"I'm fine"

She asked if I could walk her home after school that day, I asked her why & she said her parents travelled.

"I'm home alone, you can stay a bit before you even go" she added, I told her I'll think about it.

"What's there to think about?" She asked.

"Just say yes!" She said, "Okay I'll walk you home" I replied, she smiled & left. Later that day after school we met up & walked to her place together.

We got to her house, she asked me in & offered me cold water to drink. She brought out Westlife CD & slotted it, and that album

I sat down still looking like a novice when she came & asked if I was hungry, I said yes. "Do you want food or would you eat me?" She asked, I started to wonder how she was that smooth & bold at her age?

"You're a bad girl" I said, "haven't u done this before?" She asked.

"Mba"

"Don't tell me this is your first time" she said as she sat on my laps, I was scared because it was my first time. "Of course I have" I lied

"So what are you waiting for?" She asked as she pulled her clothes, I almost fainted when I saw her boobs but I remained calm as a big boy

She grabbed my hands & placed on her chest, kissed me & before I knew it Mekwe was already going down.

Fast forward..

The next day I walked into school feeling a bit confused - Suddenly! I saw KK rushing towards me, "Guy there's something I have to tell you" he said.

"What?!"

"I haven't been able to sleep well since" he continued, at this point I had to listen as he sounded really serious. I asked him what the problem was & he asked me to promise to forgive him no matter what.

I was mute for a few seconds; then I told him I'll forgive him

"Tell me!"

"All your love letters never got to Nike!" He said

"Come again?" I sarcastically said, he then repeated himself - he further explained that Ballo caught him the 1st day he was going to deliver the letter & took it from him.

"He said if you wrote another that I should bring it"

"Chineke me e!"

"Chai, KK you've finished me!"

"So you mean Nike never got my letters"

"Chai! No wonder!!"

"Oh no KK you've killed me!"

KK started to apologise, saying that Ballo threatened him & his brother not to let any guy get close to Nike.

"Chai KK you have killed me"

He kept apologising saying Ballo threatened him not to tell me, he added that it was because Ballo got expelled the previous day that he decided to tell me.

"I wanted to tell you after school yesterday but I didn't see you" he said.

"Me wey dun go mekwe?" I thought to myself...

I told him the only way to atone for his sins was to tell Nike everything, he asked if I still liked her & i said yes.

"What of Peace?" He asked, "chill first, just tell her" I replied. He agreed to tell Nike that morning before assembly, so we went straight to Nike's class

Luckily we saw Nike alone in her class, she was putting books in her locker - as she dropped down her locker she saw us & expressed a slight shock

"What are you doing here?" She asked, "Tell her" I turned to KK. "You tell her 1st" KK replied, I looked at him..

"Better confess!"

"Uche gave me 2 different letters to give to you but Ballo took them from me" KK said, Nike was looking confused when I cut in - "I've always liked you from the 1st day I saw you" I said.

I told her how I bore my heart in letters I sent to her through KK, she stood still shocked

"I realized you had a boyfriend so I stopped" I said, "which boyfriend?" Nike asked

"Ballo na" KK replied

"Yes Ballo" I added

Nike started laughing, KK & I looked at each other, then looked at her

"Why are u laughing?"

"I'm not joking o, I have the letter" KK said

"You do?"

KK dipped his hands into his pocket to bring out the letter, "I found it in his locker this morning" he said as he gave it to Nike.

She took the letter, read it & started to cry.

"You wrote this for me?"

"Yes I did"

"There's more o" KK said as he brought the 2nd letter

"See"

She grabbed the 2nd letter and read it too, luckily we came to school very early & there was a still few minutes to assembly time. She looked at me, dried her tears - "So why did you not reply my letter?" She asked.

"Which letter?!" I asked

"The one I sent through Peace"

Ehn?!

"I gave Peace a pack of Baba dudu & a note for you the other day na" she said.

"I didn't get any letter, tho she gave me the Baba dudu but I thought it was from her" I replied

"Mogbe!" She exclaimed, "Omo ashewo yi to koba mi" she exclaimed as she dashed out of the class!

Ahh!

We asked where she was going & she didn't even respond, I followed her to the next class which was Peace's class & she banged the door open.

"Jesus!" Peace screamed from inside, when we got to the scene we saw Peace pants down with another guy who immediately started dressing up

"Unbelievable!" KK reacted, "Mekwe in class?!" I screamed while Nike went straight to Peace & grabbed her shirt.

"Why didn't you give Uche the letter I gave you?" Nike asked, Peace looked at me & went mute. "So it's true?" I wailed.

"Why didn't you give him?" KK asked her again

At this point Peace had to speak up, the boy she was caught with already ran out of the class while she adjusted her shirt.

"Since it's gotten to this I'll talk, that was your pay back Nike!" Peace said.

"Payback ke?" KK asked, "What stupid pay back?" Nike asked?

"Pay back?".

"I told you I liked Ballo & all of a sudden I started seeing you with him" Peace said, she explained that she always liked Ballo but Nike went ahead to date him.

"I was not dating Ballo!" Nike screamed, he is my neighbour & his mother supplies my mother crayfish.

"Say What?!!"

"So what are you always doing with him?" I asked, she said he tried to woo her a couple of times but she never accepted. "Besides my mom sometimes gave me money to give his mom"

"So you were never dating him?" I asked again

"Never!"

#StoryTimeWithUche

"Well, maybe I'll just report you to the principal so that you could be expelled as well & join Ballo. Since y'all are obviously soul mates" Nike said, "Please don't" Peace pleaded - "Please don't" I added.

"So you still in love with her, you both can have each other" Nike said!

"Assembly time!" The time keeper screamed, we immediately ran out to assemble with others students.

I spent the rest of that day thinking of how to salvage the situation, What do I do?" I thought. I made up my mind to talk to Nike after school.

"Yes! I'll talk to her" I thought

After school I waited for Nike, I finally saw her walking out of her class & I approached her.

"I'm sorry for everything"

"I'm sorry too"

"So we good?"

"As long as you're no longer with Peace"

"I swear I broke up with her"

"Ok. You still love me"

"Yes"

"I love you too"

We hugged each other, I looked around to make sure nobody was close then I kissed her - She kissed me back.

I was so happy, it was like a dream come through. I finally got the girl of my dreams, I wanted to feel bad about being used by Peace but I just enjoyed the moment!

"Yes!

I hope you enjoyed today's episode of #StoryTimeWithUche? Do well to retweet for others to see.

ALSO

I just want you to know that whatever you're going through today will pass away, you'll scale through your life hurdles without stressing.

It's well with You!

Go and shine...

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