Thread by @aanupraise

#JosiahsThreads

My testimony goes like this...

Service starts by 7am but because I spent the better part last night finishing up a story "assignment" for my nephew, I woke up late and got to church late(which is very unlike me).

One of the reasons I like to be early in church is so that I can chose my seat by myself without having to argue with the ushers. When I got t church, there was this fearfully made lady usher at the door who ushered me to a seat.

Usually I frown my face when I'm late so that when I refuse to sit on the seat the ushers give me they will understand I'm not in the mood. But the nature of this lady's face couldn't allow me dare frown because she looked like she could give me the undertaker smack down,

I just respected myself and went to sit on the seat she pointed to me.

NB: please if you are an usher in church try to smile when welcoming people because a lot of people carry village people wahala commotion from house come complain give God.

I was seated to a young sharp looking guy wearing expensive cologne, bling bling, expensive clothes and jewelries, dread locks and plenty biabia (something was telling me oga issa "hustler" but my village people whispered to me to mind my business).

Somewhere in the service, preacherman said turn to you neighbour and tell them "you are welcome" brethrens of Gawth, the smell that came out of this broh mouth formatted my brain. Immediately I asked the pastor in mind "who send you na?"

While I was still trying to get myself, pastor said again tell your neighbor "you are God's own image" brethrens, brother said this but I couldn't say it back to him because I felt I would be lying (considering the kumkum komkom that was coming out of his mouth.

I pretended like I had cough but oga pastor just wanted to be unfortunate when again he said tell your neighbour... I quickly ran out before he could finish because I was sure if I perceive that thing again I may experience memory wipe. In my mind I did this👇👇👇

I stood outside for a while pretending like I had cough while waiting for pastor to finish his tell your neighbour this tell your neighbour that; as a matter of fact the ancestors were already suggesting to me that oga pastor does not have message

that's why he's doing all that neighbour BS. After a short while, he stopped all that and went into his sermon and I had to go back in and sit down hoping his village people will not send him that kind of "tell your neighbour this..." message again

As I stepped in, I discovered my sit has been occupied. Chain, this Gawth I serve is indeed a faithful Gawth. I felt like the enemy that wants to kill me in church has been defeated so I gave village people this attitude in my mind👇👇👇

My neighbour tried to tell his new neighbor that was my seat but I quickly interrupted him and told him not to worry I'm a gentle man I'll find another seat (if you see the shaku shaku I danced in my mind as I went to a nearby smiling usher to give me another seat).

The fact that I serve a living Gawth was manifested when the new seat I was given at the back was next to one of the most beautiful girls in the church I've been crushing on since like 19gbegberigbe.

The smile on her face and scent of her cologne as she adjusted for me gave me the assurance that today is my day of miracles. I sat down and was just smiling in my mind because I never expected we would be sitting together like this

in an unplanned situation so as a way to make conversation, I asked her for her note and she handed over her phone which she was using to take note. As a sharp guy that I am, I pretended I was also using my phone to take notes from her phone

but as soon as she raised her head I sharply dialed my number on her phone and luckily for me she has unit so I was able to get her number. I quickly deleted my number in her call log and returned the phone.

Somehow, Fawtha Gawth started making things go my way when oga pastor started preaching about how brothers and sisters in the church should marry each other (in my mind I was singing "what a marvelous God").

To conclude the sermon, pastor said give your neighbour a holy hug. beautiful bootiful anty turned to hug me and I took the opportunity to make sure I got some warmth in the hug.

The other modalities that would end the service went on for a short while; at this point it dawned on me that we have not spoken to each other since I came to the seat, I was the one that spoke to her and she didn't say a word apart from smile at me

I didn't know how to talk to her and get her to say something so I can hear her beautiful voice without showing that I was crushing when my good Gawth stepped in through the pastor. As we said closing prayers, pastor said turn to your neighbor and tell them

"you are blessed" anty turned majestically, looked at Mr and said "you are blessed" in a very hoax voice. I was pretty shook hearing that anty that is fyn like this have an unsegzy voice

But this isn't the problem as her beauty made up for her unwholesome voice but the major challenge is the fact that the smell that came out of her mouth mixed with the scent of her perfume made my phone fall off my hand.

Brethrens, I don't know what to do oh. This smell has spoilt everything should I call or just chill. The small to it was worse than cabad oh even my previous neighbour's own na perfume for where this one dey

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