Thread by @UchennaNG

One afternoon I got a DM from a white guy who said he likes what I do & I said "thanks", he asked where I was & I said Lagos.

"Hmm, so can we talk on WhatsApp?" He asked, I thought about it for a while

"Okay!"

I gave him my number.

White Caller😢

Thread

#StoryTimeWithUche

Less than 5 minutes later I got a video call from a North American number, "video call?What's going on here?" I thought, "igba wo l'abere love t'an kiss?"

I declined the call and went back to what I was doing, this guy called again!

"Again?!"

"Ah ah!"

"This guy serious o!"

I finally picked and the first thing I saw was this guy with my ex girlfriend Lizzy, they were kissing each and laughing at me on video.

"Hello Uche!!" They screamed like 2 fools on live television, I didn't understand what was going on so I asked.

"What's going on here Lizzy?"

"We're getting married!!" They said as they kept laughing, "What's wrong with these ones?" I asked myself but shouted congratulations!

"Thanks Uche, I want you to be my Bestman" he said, I immediately thought of the question "My ex's fiance wants me as his bestman"

"How?"

I wondered for about 30 minutes why Lizzy's fiance would want me to be his bestman after I ended the call out of confusion, my phone rang again & it was them - I picked & to my shocking surprise he asked again.

"Sure, it would be my pleasure" I replied, "awesome!" Lizzy screamed

"Come with your girlfriend" she added, "yes, come with your girlfriend" Bob (Lizzy's fiance) also added. I told them okay & ended the call, "ehen, so this is their plan?" I thought..

"She doesnt just to want see if I'm doing well in life, she wants to know if I have a girl?!"

I brought out my phone to check for the perfect girl to "pepper her" with..

"Tolu! Yes!" - I dialled Tolu

"Hey baby"

"Uche darling"

"I've missed u, what's up?"

"You miss me & you don't call"

"Sorry baby, you free this Saturday?"

"No, my sister is getting married in ibadan"

"Tolu is out of it" I thought, she asked why I asked & I said I wanted us to see - "we'll see when I come back"

I ended the call & started to check my phonebook for the next girl, "Lizzy has won the battle but not the war" I thought as I kept searching

"Aha! Nkechi baby"

"Yes"

"Nkechi baby 1!" I hailed as she picked, she smiled & responded - we got talking & I asked her for her schedule that Saturday

"That my wicked team lead has listed my name amongst those that'll come to work!" She said, I consoled her & she thanked me.

"Why did u ask?"

"Nothing"

"You miss me already?" She asked & I said yes, "maybe we'll see on Sunday" she replied. I told her it was fine & ended the call.

"This girl can't win this war!" I thought as I went back to doing my work, hoping that one of my queens would be able to rise up to the occasion..

While I was working I got notifications from Facebook so I looked; it was a friend request from Lizzy's fiance, I accepted & saw other requests so I accepted them all & closed my computer.

I grabbed my phone to go mobile & I immediately got a call from KK..

"How far?"

"I dey"

KK told me about this party he was invited to by his colleagues, he said he'd be bored & wanted me to come.

"Some American consulate people go dey" he added & I became interested, "it may be a good place to catch a girl" I thought.

"No wahala, tomorrow abi?"

"Yes"

"I go show"

I ended the call & went straight to check for the perfect outfit to wear, I hadn't gone for such parties so I didn't know what to wear..

"Hmm.."

I looked closer & found an Armani suit Joy got me for convocation, I brought it out luckily it was well packaged.

"Yes! This is it!"

Good news was that I barely gain weight so I knew it'd fit, I took it to Kunle's shop to dryclean & paid for "express", on my way back I branched Ade's shop to cut my hair.

"I'm getting a girl & Lizzy can't win this war!" I reassured myself as I went back home after the haircut!

Next day KK came to pick me & we headed straight to Ikoyi, "omo this your suit sharp" I said to KK & he thanked me - "but e dey learn where your own dey" he added as he kept driving.

We both laughed it out & in few minutes we got to the venue, KK parked & we stepped out the car.

We were well dresse so we proudly walked into the hall & sat, the place was filled with men & women of different races & sizes.

We sat to observe the event & in no time it was time for refreshment; it was a buffet so we stood up to go join the queue & serve ourselves

See food!

..There was this guy who was taking his time at each food tray, it wasn't noticeable until he stood at the last tray for minutes filling his plate with food

"Hurry please" a man finally said to him & suddenly his plate fell, "see what you caused!!" He yelled in a familiar voice!

I looked forward to see who it was & to my greatest shock.. again!

Progress!

"How did he get here?" I turned to KK to ask, KK told me that he'd invited Progress but he didn't get a feedback after he sent him the address, "his number hasn't been reachable since" he added!

Hian!

We quickly went to calm things when he almost started to exchange words with the man, "Uchman the hitman!" He screamed when he saw me & I told him to lower his voice.

"See as e trowey my chao" he added & I told him we could get another, he calmed & followed us back to the queue.

We finally got food & went to our table to eat & catchup, we asked Progress what he was doing there & he laughed - "na my uncle friend sister in-law invite me" he said.

"Na we dey run things here, half of the girls here are my queens" he added - "Oh that's nice" KK said

"Nice?"

I just sat there eating & pondering on how to woo one of the girls at the event, immediately I finished eating I stood up to grab a glass of wine & socialize someone tapped me.

"Hi, so you're a hitman?" This white girl said, I turned to look at her & I was blown away.

"Hitman?"

"No I'm not a hitman" I gently said with a smile, "but my name is Uche" I added as I stretched out my hands for a handshake - & she shook me.

"I'm Sharon".. "nice to meet you"

I wanted to take the convo to phase 2 when pointed at Progress

"He called you a hitman" she said

Oh!

"I needed to be sure you aren't here to takeout my husband" she added as she returned me to the 'strangerzone', I was hurt as I thought she was a potential date.

"I'm a lover & not a fighter I said" in a bid to have a dope comeback, she smiled & walked away leaving me there!

I quickly composed myself & went to grab a wine, I went back to my seat & noticed Progress & KK weren't there. I sat down sad & drank my wine, "so I can't even get one correct date?" I thought

Minutes later Progress came with this chocolate beauty, "where your babe?" He asked me

I told him she wasn't my babe; that she only wanted to confirm if I was a hitman. "Na why she point me?" He asked & I said yes, "so because of me she no gree for you?" He asked & said no!

"See her face, nor mind her jor!" He added & said it was fine, "meet Angela" he said again!

"Hi, how are you?" I asked & she said she was fine, KK then came back asking Progress where the restroom was & Progress left with KK so I got talking with Angela.

Few minutes later Progress returned to the table with KK while I was still in my 'toasting' mood

#StoryTimeWithUche

"Are you free this Saturday?" I asked, as she was about to talk Progress cut in - "she's always free!" He said, I'd told Angela about the wedding on Saturday & she said she loved weddings

"I finally got a date!" I thought, I became relieved & finally tried to enjoyed the event..

It was soon time to leave & we stood up to go, on our way out we saw Sharon & Progress went straight to her - "because you think you're fine you rejected my friend abi?!" He screamed & everybody looked at him..

"Guy stop this na!" I intervened & Progress finally walked away like

"See you later yea?" I said to Angela before she left with Progress, KK drove me home & I felt fulfilled - "finally I have a date, I'll show Lizzy!" I thought as I showered & went to bed!

The next morning I woke up to rejection emails from companies & I got worried again

Nawa o

I was really frustrated as it felt like my whole world was crumbling, my business wasn't going well & all the proposals I sent were rejected.

I tried to recharge from my bank but I'd been debited for card maintenance

I thought of what to do & Suddenly; Progress called!

How far

"Oboy this girl too like Mekwe" Progress said as he called, I gave him an off response & he noticed - "Guy wetin dey worry you?" He asked & I told him what was going on

"Guy forget this useless country, go apply for US Visa!" He said, "I dun get connection sef, I fit help you!"

"This may not be a bad idea" I thought, "I'd been meeting a lot of white people lately & it may be a sign" I thought again. I told him it was a good idea

"Remember say you been dey plan to enter US government?" He asked & I said yes, "now is the time, go & apply!" He added.

Hmm

I thanked him for the motivation, he reassured he could help so I said I'd apply.

"I go contact the guy wey go help you run am" he added

"Alright, thanks.. Ehen, which babe you been dey talk about?"

"Angela!"

"My Angela?"

"No, my Angela"

"I think say you give me?"

"No o!"

"So no date for that Lizzy wedding tomorrow?"

"If I finish with Angela early today I go send her come your house"

"You dey mad!"

Progress started laughing, he then Promised to "arrange" a date for me but I just ended the call feeling heartbroken

"So Lizzy finally won the war"

I thought of giving up the fight so I called Lizzy & her fiance to find out the details for the wedding, Lizzy picked the call & asked if I was still coming.

I told her I was, she asked if my girl was coming too & I lied - "yes!" I replied.

"Okay see you"

"See you"

..Call end

As I dropped the call I got a message from my Facebook messenger, I looked to see who it was & it was "Stacy George", I'd been chatting with her for a while & forgot how we even met.

She asked how my weekend was & I told her it was boring, I also told her about the wedding too..

She told me to just go & have fun at the wedding & I agreed, while we were texting Progress called back - "my agent dey stay your side sef, I dun give am your number make una linkup" he said.

I told him it was fine & we ended the call, I got up & went to prepare for the wedding.

Later that evening I spoke to Lizzy about my bestman duties & she told me not to bother

I was relieved a bit..

I went to bed feeling sad that I couldn't get any girl to pepper Lizzy with, "I'll congratulate her tomorrow for winning the happiness war" I thought as I went to bed.

The day for the wedding was here & I dressed up in my Armani suit again, I made sure I went early just to witness Lizzy getting married in Church

"I'll then formally congratulate her for winning" I thought as I dashed out. I soon got to the church at Ikoyi & I went straight in..

I came early so I found a good spot to sit while waiting for them to begin, people of different races & sizes soon came in so I composed myself as a Gee..

Minutes later I notice a white lady sit beside me, I looked to see who it was & to my greatest surprise it was Stacy George!

"Blood of Jesus! Stacy?!"

"Uche?!"

"How on earth is this even possible?" I asked with mixed emotions, "this must be a dream" I added

"Well I've been in Lagos for a few days now" she said as we got talking, it was an emotional scenario as I was happy I finally "found" a "date"

We talked for a few minutes & people started to come inside the church, it was soon time for the wedding to begin & the choir started to sing.

I wanted to ask if she knew who was wedding but everything happened so fast, the wedding service soon kicked off & the train danced in..

It was soon time for the couple to dance in & when I looked to see the couple better I realised it wasn't Lizzy & her fiance, "I think I'm at the wrong wedding" I said & Stacy asked me how

I was about to explain how I couldn't recognise the couple when I saw Lizzy & Bob behind!

"Wait, I don't get what's going on" I said, "those are supposed to be the couple" I said as I pointed towards Lizzy & Bob.

I turned to Stacy to see her reaction but to my greatest surprise Stacy was already walking towards the door, "ah ah!"

I immediately followed her

"Wait!"

I caught up with her & in no time we located Lizzy & Bob - "what's going on here?!" Stacy asked Bob, "you two know each other?" I asked

"Uche!" Lizzy screamed

"What are you doing in Nigeria, and who's she?" Stacy asked

"Baby who's she?" Lizzy asked Bob

I just stood there like

"Surprise!" Bob said with a smile as he spread his arms towards Stacy, I was wondering why he was trying to hug my Stacy when he said he came to Nigeria to surprise her.

"After everything, I thought of how to be here to support Tom, & especially to see you" he added..

"Ehn?!"

"I'm sorry for everything, I love you baby" he said as he relaunched his bid to hug Stacy. "Baby what's going on here?!" Lizzy spoke out again after she had been left dumbfounded for some minutes.

"She's here too?"

"You told me you were done with her! You used me!" Lizzy cried!

"Who's this & why is she calling you baby?" Stacy asked after she hugged Bob, at this point I knew I'd lost all wars!

"Come on Lizzy" Bob said, he then turned to Stacy & said - "Baby this is Lizzy, she's a nice girl & she made getting my visa easy"

"You used me!" Lizzy wailed!

"Hold on a second, why did you guys lie about getting married?" I asked & they went mute. "Wait, you were going to marry her today?" Stacy asked & Bob immediately defended himself

"No! I told her our friend was getting married but she heard wrong so I played along" Bob said..

"But you called to tell me?!" I cut in & he said it was Lizzy that made him do it, "she stalks you & is only trying to win the happiness war" he added.

"Why is she calling you baby?" Stacy asked Bob, "oh that's how she pronounces Bob, it's her Nigerian accent" he replied.

Chai!

"You didn't have to go through all that for me" Stacy said, "I had to" Bob replied..

"Aww" Stacy said as they kissed.

"Its over" I murmured as I looked at Lizzy, I wanted to ask why she remained dumb even after we broke up for that; then I remembered I met her through Progress!

I felt anger & pity for her at the same time, I shed a little tear as I watched Stacy & Bob walk inside the church together

"You're still foolish" I said to Lizzy, "U came all the way from the US just to fool yourself" I added

She started crying saying he Promised to marry her!

"He said if I help him he'll help me"

"He used me!"

At this point I became very confused & didn't know what to do, I moved closer to Lizzy & gave her a hug seeing that she was really hurt.

"What would you do next?" I asked & she said she'll have to go to her parents.

"Okay"..

I told her we had to leave the venue as we both already lost the war, she told me she needed to get her luggages from the hotel room - "would you help me?" She asked & I said yes.

We went to her hotel room & gathered her luggages, we called a cab & waited for it to come..

While we were waiting she kept apologising; "I wasted 5 months of my life" "I thought he loved me" She said & I pulled her close

She looked me in the face & our eyes met, I started to recall the good old days with her.

Before I knew it we were kissing!

And that was it.

Mekwe!

Fast forward..

Everybody went back to their regular life, I asked Lizzy to keep in touch & I totally forgot about Stacy.

I'd applied for the US visa as powered by Progress, I'd also sought lots of deals with different firms & individuals with hope that things will be better!

One day I woke up to a mail asking that I come for a final meeting for this deal I'd been chasing, it was a day to my visa interview at the US embassy - it made me a bit nervous but happy!

I confirmed the appointment & went straight to prepare for it, while at it Progress called

"Hope say you dun prepare for tomorrow?" He asked & I told him yes, "no worry just go for the interview, after everything we go runs am make your visa comot sharply" he added & I just kept mute!

I ended the call, dressed up & went for my meeting at Berger.

#StoryTimeWithUche

The meeting went well & from the way the client spoke I wasn't sure if he was going to work with me, I headed home hoping for the best & on my way home I got a message on my Facebook messenger

"Stacy George again?!"

I ignored & kept moving, got home, showered, ate & went to bed

The day for the interview at the US embassy was here & I was feeling good & confident, Progress told me to tell them I wanted to leave the country because I was tired.

I thought it was a good reason because I had no reason to want to leave at the time, I got to the embassy early

It was soon time for my interview, as I moved closer to the counter I got the shocker of my life - I was going to be interviewed by Sharon from the party!

"Cheii I'm finished!" I panicked, I moved closer to her & greeted her. I was expecting her to "recognise me" but she didn't!

She started asking series of questions & I answered to the best of my thinking, she asked why I wanted to go to the US & I suddenly went blank!

I wanted to stutter when I remembered what Progress said & I just told her I was tired of Nigeria, "afteral we'll runs it" I thought!

"So you want to leave Nigeria basically because you're tired?" Sharon asked again & I said yes affirmatively!

"Your country Nigeria is a land filled with milk & honey, you don't need to run away from it simply because you're tired"

"I'm sorry but we can't grant you visa!"

Ehn?

"I'm Sorry sir"

I tried to ask if that was the final answer but she quickly discarded me & asked for the next person

"Cheii Progress has finished me o!" I wailed as I left.

Tears filled my eyes & I went home feeling devastated, my whole life felt like it was crumbling

"Oh no"

I found my way to the bus stop & took a bus to Oshodi, on my way I got a mail from Mr Lanre - "..Contract approved, we can start immediately. Send your account details.."

"Yes!!" I screamed in the bus & other passengers started to look at me but I didn't even send..

"Thank God"

I replied the mail with my account details, opened my Facebook app out of excitement & updated "Yes! Deal sealed!!" on my status.

Few seconds later I got comments on the post, about a minute later I got a message from Stacey congratulating me. I thanked her out of excitement..

"This calls for celebration she wrote" & I asked what she meant, before she replied I went to her Profile & her most recent update was "Single again"

I asked what her update meant & she said "long story", she added she was still in Nigeria so I finally agreed to "celebrate it"..

She asked where I was & I told her, she told me she was alone that evening at her hotel in Ikeja - "there's a nice joint here" she added & I immediately changed navigation course to Ikeja.

We finally met at a restaurant in her hotel, we talked at length & this time a lot better!

We talked about her visit to Nigeria & other things; moving on from our last encounter to creating flames at the date was amazing. She insisted on paying & I accepted

"Nice"

We finished & went straight to her room to sleep.

And yes

We both nailed rejection & heartbreak Mekwe!

Thanks for reading and retweeting today's episode of #StoryTimeWithUche I hope you learnt a thing or two?

Please check my likes/pinned tweets for previous episodes of #StoryTimeWithUche

Follow me on Instagram and Snapchat @UchennaNG

TO GOD BE THE GLORY 😁

THE END!!

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