Thread by @UchennaNG

I woke up one day wondering when I'll graduate from the hustle phase & get a big break, my mood worsened when realised there was no power to work with.

I went to the kitchen & there was no food, the fridge was also empty!

Suddenly! My phone rang😨

(Phyno fit no know😧)

Thread

I grabbed my phone to see who was calling & it was an unknown number, "My name is Temi from MTV, am I unto Uche?" A female voice spoke.

"Yes this is Uche!" I responded as we kept talking, she asked if I would like to be part of a talk show that is about to start.

"I'd love to"

She requested for an email & asked if we could meet up that day, "for a show on MTV I could meet everybody in Lagos in one day" I thought - I asked where & she wanted us to meet;

"I'll text you the address"

"Ok"

"I heard a lot about you, Mekwe King"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Great"

We soon ended the call & in about a minute I got an address, "this is for real o!" I thought as I peeped the address.

"Ikoyi! Hmm"

I replied & told her I'd be there in 2 hours; I dropped my phone & immediately went to the bathroom to shower & get set..

I was soon ready to go!

I started to feel hungry but I had to endure, I took my phone & ordered a taxi - as I waited for the nearest cab to come I got a call from Progress!

"What now?" I thought as I picked, "I give some queens your number" he said in the middle of the convo

"Dem be your fans" He said

I told him it was fine & had to go for an important meeting, he asked which meeting it was & the Nigerian in me woke up

"Na big meeting, when e pure I go give you details" I said as I didn't want to tell him and jinx it

We soon ended the call & in no time my taxi came..

"Oh"

I located the taxi & sat in front, he started the trip & we headed straight to Ikoyi. I asked the driver for his name & he told me his name was Paul, he immediately pointed to the road & I saw a mad man chasing another man.

😂😭

We both laughed!

That was how we became friendly

I opened my twitter app & saw a story of a guy that earned 170k to be the main Mekwe master & laughed out, the driver got curious & asked to share the fun so I told him the story.

"You fit do am?" I asked & I noticed his countenance change, "na hard work o!" he replied.

I told him I knew it was a hard work but asked if he could do it & he said he would if they could make it 200k, I looked at him & just kept scrolling though my timeline till we got to Ikoyi.

"I'm here" I said as I called Temi, she directed me in so I paid Paul & left.

I started looking around to see any signs indicating we were at MTV office & I saw nothing, I googled MTV & found out their address was around so I calmed down

I soon located Temi when she waved her hands from a sit out within this building

"Uche?"

"Yes"

"Finally"

"Finally?"

"Yes, finally putting a face to the stories & the voice" she said & we both giggled, we sat & got talking.

Few minutes into the conversation she told me she was Phyno's P.A. & could get me to meet him

"I see you're a big fan"

I told her I was but also asked about MTV base?

"Yes I work there, & there's a show that'd suit you - I already pitched your name to them" she responded, I became excited!

"Good news at last!" I rejoiced within, "so I'll get to meet Phyno finally & also be on an MTV show?" I thought - "not a bad day afteral!" I concluded

Yay

I asked why she was doing these for me & she said she was doing it from heart;

"Your heart?"

She said yes, I asked what she wanted in return & she said nothing.

"Nothing?"

"Yes"

I thanked her & made a move to go then she asked why I was leaving

"I ordered food" she added

I was already going to faint had she not called back my attention, I realised I was famished & almost lifeless.

"Food?" I asked with the last fake smile I could drag out, she said yes & I gradually sat back.

"You'll love it I'm sure" she said, "I know I'll love it" I replied

The food came & it was "akpu & bitterleaf soup", I shed a little tears of joy as I pounced on it. "Would you like to attend an event with me tonight?" She asked while I was eating & I said yes

She said a few more things & I just replied with yes; I was only focused on the food..

I soon finished & became alive, she smiled at me & I smiled back - I asked why she drank only juice & she said she had eaten earlier

"Ok"

We soon finished & I made a move to leave finally, she stood up, gave me a hug & said "see you later tonight"

"Tonight? Oh yes! Tonight"

I left her behind as she said she was waiting for a colleague, I was glad so I found my way out & hopped in on a Danfo to my estate gate.

I went home feeling good but my joy was suddenly cut short when I remembered I was broke, "how do I get money" I thought

And Suddenly!

I got a message from this client I did a digital marketing job for; "sorry for the delay in payment, please send your account details again" he wrote.

"Chaii!! Look at God!" I rejoiced again as I sent the account number, few minutes later I got a credit alert!!

"Look at God!!"

I soon got to my house & as soon as I got to my street I saw my guy Papyfire, I asked him where he was headed & he told me he was providing sound for his niece's birthday party.

"Make we go na, make we go catch the cruise" he added, I thought it wouldn't be bad idea to go.

"Ok"

"It's been a good day & I could pass time at the party" I thought as I turned back & went with him, we got to the party venue & it was coincidentally time for 'item 7'.

"This God is too good o" I rejoiced in Nathaniel Bassey's tone, I then decided to join the queue to dish food!

As I made a move to go towards the food session I saw a little boy crying & walking alone, "who beat you?" I asked as I moved closer & his response was "my mummy"

"Where's your mummy?"

"I don't know"

"You don't know? Nawa o!"

I tried to leave him to get food & he held my legs

"Uncle don't go!" He screamed, I became confused so I decided to help him look for his mom. As I turned to move, I saw him pointing at a woman & shouting

"Mummy!"

I was relieved a bit that he found his mom, I walked him towards her & as I got close I saw her standing with Paul!

"He's your son yes?" I asked this thick looking lady & she said yes, "thank you" she added.

"You're welcome"

I wanted to greet Paul but he looked sad, so I turned back to go get food & the little boy; 'Bobo' started crying that I shouldn't leave him;

"Hian!"

"Alright let go!"

We got food & ate, I spent more time with bobo & it was soon time for them to leave. "Mummy I want uncle" he cried to his mum & she turned to me with a smile

"He wants you to come with us" she said, I smiled & looked at my time - "I have a few hours till my date" I thought.

Hmm

"I wouldn't mind you coming too if you can" she added, I hadn't stayed long in the estate so I thought it wouldn't hurt to make new friends

"Ok" I agreed & they both rejoiced; we headed towards her house & talked on the way, she told me she was divorced & lives alone with bobo.

I told her I was sorry about her divorce & she said she wasn't sorry, we both smiled! We finally got to her house & it was a nice flat within the estate.

I sat in her & few minutes later bobo ran out with books, "Uncle my assignment! Help me!" He screamed!

#StoryTimeWithUche

I took the book & looked at the assignment, "this simple thing?" I thought. "I'll teach u" I replied & he became excited, we sat together & few minutes into his assignment he slept off!

I looked around for his mom & couldn't find her;

"Mimi!" I called out but she didn't respond

I put the books aside & gently carried bobo to the first room I saw; I opened the door I saw the most shocking sight ever!

Bobo's mom (Mimi) was Mekwe-ing herself with mekwe tools!

"Funke!!"

I made a move to sneak away; she saw me & asked me to wait!

I knew I was in trouble..

I quickly thought of what to say so I told her I needed to put bobo to sleep, drop him right there she said pointing to an already laid little bed.

I knew I was in for an awkward moment as I laid bobo to sleep, turned to her & she whispered that she already drugged bobo to sleep

But whatever she was saying no longer made sense because I already got lost staring at her imperfect body, she signalled to me in an erotic way to 'come closer' so that we could collaborate like Wizkid & Drake.

That was it ladies, I moved closer & obeyed the croon call!

Mekwe!!

I noticed that the mekwe was 'Suh Different' when we got to level 4 on the 'Mekweranking', I was getting worried as it was late & I had to meet up with Temi

Mimi then paused, looked at me & said "this is a nice warm up, now let's get to the main business"

"Which main business?"

She said she wanted us to continue & I said no, she started to beg so I decided to prove my mekwe title & agreed - I used my last strength to pull it off & I could feel my soul leaving my body.

She then said she wanted more!

"Mekwe kee u there!" I yelled as I grabbed my clothes

I found my way out of the house & headed home, on my way I got a reminder text from Temi. I got home, picked out an outfit.

I showered & decided to recover from the marathon mekwe. As I laid down I got a text from Temi - "Vox lounge, let's meet there. Phyno is here."

"Phyno?!"

I quickly got up, dressed up & ordered a taxi. I saw the details of the taxi & it looked familiar, I stepped out to see who the driver & to my greatest surprise it was Paul

"You again?!"

"Bros na me again o" he replied with a shaky voice, I entered & told him to start the trip!

As we drove I noticed he was grumbling, I asked him what the problem was & he said it was nothing

"You sure?"

He went mute; "Bros hope say you no go mind, something dey bother me" he finally said

"I'm all ears bro, talk to me" I replied, he then coughed & started to narrate..

"This car isn't mine, it's for mimi"

"Which mimi?"

"The lady you were playing with her son"

"Oh, that's normal"

"That's not the problem, I don't give her money as returns"

"Even beautiful"

"Bros, that's not the problem"

"What's the problem?"

"I pay her with knack"

"Ehn?"

He explained that he comes to her office 3 times everyday to Mekwe, "but during weekend like this I fit come like 6 times" he added.

"You're joking" I replied & he swore that he was serious, I asked him how long he'd been doing it & he said 3 months

"3 months? And u dey alive?"

"Bros wetin I go do na, na agreement & I get wife & pikin for house" he said, "na why her husband run leave am" he added.

"You mean this thing?" I responded, "Bros I dey go church, I no fit lie for you" he replied.

"You no fit lie but you fit mekwe?"

"Na condition"

"Ehen?"

I soon got to my destination & texted Temi, Paul ended the trip & I paid him. "We go see later for your usual na" I said to Paul & he told me he was going on leave.

"Mekwe leave?"

"Yes bros"

"Enjoy"

Temi soon came to get me while Paul drove off

"Phyno & Ehiz just left"

Ehn?

She said I wouldn't be able to meet Phyno again that night because he was tired, "he can't be tired o" I responded & she started to apologise

"I can make it up to u" she said & I asked how, she said she had a table inside & only came out to get me.

"Please say yes"

"Well, ok!"

We went inside & sat at her table, we drank enough liquor & danced together. I totally forgot about every stress I faced earlier, I even totally forgot why I was there originally.

It was soon time to go & Temi told me she had a room in the hotel next compound

"let's leave here"

We went to her hotel room & it was very cozy, we talked for a few seconds & I went to the bathroom to shower. I finished & stepped out, she also went to shower.

Minutes later she came out with just towel, removed the towel & crawled to me on the bed.

That was it again;

Mekwe!!

I detected early signs of marathon Mekwe but ignored, before I knew it she brought out more Mekwe tools & I told her I was tired.

"You don't want to meet Phyno again?"

"I want"

"So let's do this"

"I don't want Phyno again"

I turned to sleep & she surprisingly started begging

"Eleyi gidi gan o! Beg for Mekwe?" I thought; I wanted to ignore then she started crying. As a gentleman who hates to see women cry I heeded yet another call of Mekwe!

We went again, after stage 6 she she said wanted more! I could no longer take it so I grabbed my clothes & ran!

"When the Mekwe master run from Mekwe, you know say water dun pass garri" I heard D'banj say as I ran for my life, "what have I done to myself?!"😧

Luckily it was morning already so I easily found a bus back home, on the way my phone rang!

"Temi calling"

I just ended the call!

Few minutes later my phone rang again & I ignored, it kept ringing so I looked to see who;

"Mr Dan"

I picked

We talked for a while & told me about another deal he recommended me for, "can we meet today?" He asked & I said yes. It was a Sunday but I didn't mind!

"I need money"

We agreed to meet later that afternoon at his office because he was working a shift, I soon got home & immediately went to bed!

I slept like Okonkwo the wrestler who went to war, I was still sleeping when the loud blast of my ringtone woke me up.

"Shit! I'm late!"

I got up..

I got ready & decided to use the last money I had to order a cab, I made the order & looked to see the driver details

"Paul again?"

I cancelled the trip & went to take Danfo! In no time I was at Mr Dan's office, I met with him & his colleagues & they were satisfied.

Very good

"Just come for approval from our madam tomorrow so we can start" Mr Dan said & I became excited, "this God is too good to me" I thought.

I thanked them & left, on my way home my phone rang again - I checked who was calling

"Progress!"

I picked

"How far, you later see Phyno?"

I had totally forgotten I told him about it; "I no see am" I replied & he asked why - "long story" I said.

He then asked me to come meet his new girl, "na doctor she be" he added!

"Progress? Doctor?"

I felt I probably needed medical attention so I agreed.

"Where una dey?..Ok"

I soon located the bar Progress described & went in, I sighted him waving at me so I went to meet him

"Uchman the hitman!"

We greeted each other & I asked where his doctor friend was, "she just comot, she go see her patients" he replied.

"Na you I dey wait for" he added!

"Ok"

He noticed my mood wasn't the usual so he asked what the problem was, as I was about to explain my phone started to ring! I looked to see who

"Temi!"

I ignored the call & put the phone in my pocket, "who be that?" Progress asked & I had no choice than to give him the full gist!

"You dey run from Mekwe?" He asked after I finished narrating, he started to laugh but stopped when he realised I wasn't laughing - I was feeling pains on my body.

"For you to run from this Mekwe, e serious o!" He said, he asked if I had the girls picture so I checked WhatsApp!

"Temi?!"

"Hian! U sabi her?"

"Na lolo friend be this for Ikoyi na" he added

"Her mama get one restaurant opposite MTV office" he added, I knew I was in trouble!

"How u take sabi am?"

"We dun Mekwe"

"Na she I been dey go see when u call, I think say she be important pesin o"

"She no important o!" He replied

"How your take sabi her?" I asked & he told me how he met Temi through his friend lolo, "as I talk your matter dem say dem need your number"

"Ehen?"

"Yes o! I just dey give them your gist, tell them say u like to talk & say you like Phyno too!"

"Chai! This Progress has finally finished me" I thought, he went on with how lolo left & he ended up in a hotel with Temi.

"After we Mekwe like 7 times & she still dey find more, I give her your number say u be the Mekwe master"

"Chineke!"

"No vex guy" he started to apologise!

"Waiter!" Progress yelled as he called the waiter, "give my guy akpu & bitterleaf" he said, "bring am with 2 cold Heineken" he added.

I wanted to complain but I kept calm, in no distant time the waiter arrived with the food & drinks!

"Guy see.chop food make you calm down abeg!"

I looked at the food & my pains faded away immediately, "enjoy your! Chop my money!" Progress kept saying as I ate & drank!

I soon finished & Progress said he wanted to stop by his girl's office; since she was a doctor I thought to see her for medical attention too.

Make we go!

We got to her 'office' that evening & to my greatest surprise it was not in a hospital, "but here no be hospital" I said as I turned to Progress!

"No be hospital she dey work, she be therapist doctor" he replied

"Therapist doctor?"

"Yes, Sex Therapist"

"Sex Therapist?"

"Yes"

I asked why he didn't call her that from the onset & he said "Doctor" was sweeter to say, we soon got to her door & it had a sign saying "Busy - Session On".

We then sat under a tree in the premises to wait for her; few minutes later the door opened & I saw 3 ladies walk out!

I looked closer & to my greatest surprise I saw Mimi & Temi walking in front while a 3rd lady was behind, "which one be your babe?" I asked & he said it was the lady behind.

"So wetin Temi dey do here?"

"Na her client; I introduce Temi to her, be like she carry her friend come"

"I'm confused"

He then explained how he went to see a therapist when he thought he was under-performing at 7 rounds, "she talk say I be strong man say na the babe need help" he said

"Na there fall in love" he added

"So you fall in love with doctor come carry patient give me?"

He said he didn't know she would call me, I asked if he told her friend about me & he said no - he asked why & I told him she was the other lady that I had marathon mekwe with & ran.

"Wait, so after you finish with her friend you still get power to mekwe?"

"Na because of Phyno"

While I wailed I remembered what Paul the driver said to me; everything started to make sense - Temi & Mimi were nymphos, & they were friends too.

"Chai, see my life" I murmured & Progress started to laugh, "Mekwe master everytime but you see Mekwe run!" He said while laughing!

Progress' girl soon returned & we went to see her, he introduced me to her & didn't waste time telling her my story with Temi

They have "hypersexual disorder & I'm helping them manage it" she explained "unprofessional of me but I love Progress

"Love u too baby" Progress replied

We soon finished chilling & I went home, on my way I got a text from Mr Ben reminding me to come early the next day.

I went home feeling good; I had escaped from the Mekwenial Den of Mimi & Temi, was also about to comeback with a big contract the next day.

"Naso I for take go?"

Next day I bathed, dressed & headed out. On my way I called Mr Ben to confirm if his boss was around

"Yes"

I hurried & soon got there, I met with Mr Ben & he directed me to his MD's office. I went with my file, knocked & went in.

To my greatest surprise the MD was Mimi!

Yepa!

I tried to see if she would be professional & approve my contract so I greeted her & walked in, she asked me to sit & I did.

"So you need my approval?"

"Apparently"

"Hmm.. let's not waste time, Paul is on leave"

"Okay?"

"Do you know his job?"

"Driver?"

"No, his other job"

I'm not saying I took over from where Paul stopped but I eventually got the deal, executed it and moved on with my life.

But I have one message for those who need it

DON'T SEXUALLY HARASS PEOPLE, IF YOU ALREADY DO THEN STOP!!

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