My Darling, After a stunning victory at Bowling Green our unit refueled with hot cups of Covfefe. We received our updates From General M. Obama via microwave, so we were prepared for the sea of MAGA hats & ill-fitting khakis. Why have they no tailors? #secondcivilwarletters
Dearest, Be heartened. Our moral is lifted by fantastic music as we have all of the rhythm & artistic talent on our side. We also have the science, which is helpful for so many reasons. And yet, still, I have seen horrors. The grammar, my god, the grammar. #secondcivilwarletters
Beloved, We dealt them a stunning blow today. We raided the buy one get one free sale at Lowe's. There are no tiki torches for miles. How shall the straight, white men with all the power now cry out in agony now? We shall prevail. #secondcivilwarletters
Light of my life, Today I traveled to Resistance headquarters. The pizza parlor basement was vibrating with activity. We are already planning the second round of attacks for the war on Christmas. We will win the battle on all fronts. Happy Holidays . #secondcivilwarletters
Dear heart, today we took a captive. We forced him to do hard labor. So far he has baked 75 gay wedding cakes. Adam and Steve's battle-side ceremony was beautiful, they thank you for the toaster. #secondcivilwarletters
Fire of My Soul, We had a stunning victory over the redcaps today. Our correspondences are rendered illegible by the opposition anytime we use words with more than three syllables. We call it the "Decasyllable Offensive" #secondcivilwarletters
Wife, Morale was low, as expected. It is a hard won battle when the foe has a lowness of character equal only to lowness of IQ, but we heartened quickly with a clever prank: we leaked our meeting would be at the "wall Mexico paid for" They search still #secondcivilwarletters
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