I think people think there are like ten trolls or obtuse questions lobbed at you #onhere. And that's true at maybe a couple hundred or thousand followers. Somewhere north of 50k the scale changes dramatically. It's pretty human for that to be overwhelming.
It's probably unrealistic to ask or want people to police themselves a bit. But it's not just being mean or rude. None of us is set up for thousands of trolls, sealions, repetitive questions. It's one of the shortcomings of networked media.
I will get people like "oh you respond to all the trolls!", and I'm like honey I respond to maybe fewer than 1% of the trolling I receive.
"oh just IGNORE it." have you ever tried to if ire three screaming toddlers? Imagine 20k. Exasperation is as nice a response as we can probably reasonably expect.
People are just anxious that they will get caught in the clapback dragnet one day. But that's how norms work.
Anyway, anything said after "why don't you just... " is always, always loaded with a set of mostly unexamined biases, assumptions and beliefs. And I say that as someone who likes to say that a lot. lol That's partly how I know.
And that is true both when the clause is explicitly or implicitly stated.
That is also why "fuck you" is a perfectly reasonable response to "why don't you just". I don't make the rules.

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More from @tressiemcphd

Aug 29, 2018
Whew. I was wholly unprepared for the white middle class woman culture of dieting. I only recently figured out that one never has to actually become thin or "fit", which I have no idea what that means. They must only perform WANTING to become it. Thus, the apps, tips, etc.
There was a template for this in my cultural toolkit. You are supposed to be eternally suspended in almost-thinness. I have no idea how to do that. To perform it, I download food tracking apps and learn to say "whole 30" every second day of the week. That seems to help.
But really the near-obsessive focus on food/eating/dieting/thinness in modern interracial, mixed-class work spaces and social spaces is very, very challenging for me, too.
Read 5 tweets
Aug 29, 2018
Yes and god bless (white?) Americans and seeming belief in a "uncontroversial" subject when talking about even the weather is very classed and regional and culturally specific. Down south, down class you talk about how the weather is making your life hard.
Up class, maybe across region, you talk about how delightful the weather is. Up north, across class, the weather is a trying to kick your ass and you commiserate together. Working class? The heat got your boss tripping and made it harder for you to make a dollar.
Black folks? All this heat is the devil. I think there is something in there I'm supposed to know how to say about white people and sunburns? And so on and so on. There is no "neutral" topic, only a hegemonic one. And that was the point.
Read 8 tweets
Aug 28, 2018
Small talk as a minority person means performing acceptable majority culture expertise, which can be emotionally and cognitively exhausting.
The small talk I don't consider burdensome is generally that had within group because it is almost a somatic response
Also, the risk of forming instant, ephemeral intimacy across power dynamics is almost entirely borne by the person with the least power
Small talk as a member of most kind of minority groups means carefully managing the emotional state and expectations of someone who does not have expectation of doing the same for you
Read 6 tweets
Aug 28, 2018
Man, Vivian is a bawse at shenanigans. When I told her this story as it happened she immediately said, "pfft, no one does real business like that. It's a convenient story for them running our of money." Vivian might be GOAT but I will never acknowledge it.
I can call my mother and be like, "so and so is tripping" and she will respond, with no other information, "oh she is having an affair with that man you mentioned a year ago and he messed up her key card but so and so peeped her and now they're stuck." I be like
But also 60% of the time she calls me by her sister's name so, 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️
Read 6 tweets
Aug 6, 2018
Honestly I read this whole thing and my main takeaway is that the writer's grandma was a badass nytimes.com/2018/08/04/opi…
Her grandma got sperm at an ACE hardware and yasss queen yasssss
Your fave could never.
Read 5 tweets
Aug 5, 2018
The dude on the airplane wanted to drop some version of this on me the other day and I legit sighed and removed my eyeglasses as she spake it. Sir, I cannot see you. You no longer exist. Let me be.
I have to start lying about my job. Because they hear professor and think 1) here's my chance to try out all this brilliant rhetoric I learned on reddit and 2) an educated negro is a safe negro. And man is all of that wrong when I'm the one they're thinking it of.
At least twice a week some white stranger thinks I'm safe and I have to recalibrate their whole sense of self.
Read 4 tweets

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