Thread by @kansaratva

Peni, Pidi, Pici, the cuddly canines of Torn Kurta sat dejected in a corner.

Peni handled WhatsApp, and she was fed up sending incendiary messages for #D3.

Pidi handled Twitter, and she was fed up composing tweets that were way out of line with her Master's intelligence. 1/

Pici handled speeches, and she was dejected because she had nothing to do now that elections were over.

She was, therefore, surprised when her Master told her to write a speech.

Pici looked at him, then at her friends, Peni and Pidi, who nodded to her, and said, "I won't!" 2/

Torn Kurta was taken aback.

"What? Why?" he sputtered.

Pidi was the one to speak up. "We refuse to work for the biscuit crumbs you *throw* at us. You have *spoiled* our names - they call your quasi-human sycophants with *our* names. Pathetic!"

Saying so, the three ran away. 3/

Alone, Torn Kurta wondered how he is going to handle the speech in the Parliament after confusingly agreeing to the No Confidence Motion.

It was last month when a senior leader, whose name he had forgotten, had approached him hesitatingly.

"Yes...uh, Uncle?" mumbled Kurta. 4/

"We have decided to support No Confidence Motion," said the senior leader.

Torn Kurta, who had a tendency to think about himself, just like his family members, thought that this was about him.

"Why...uh, Uncle," he mumbled, "don't you have any confidence in me? I can learn." 5/

"Oh, NO!" exclaimed the leader. "It's the No Confidence Motion against White Beard," and saying so, apologized profusely to Torn Kurta for not making it clear in the first place.

Never once did the leader think that he was apologizing for Kurta's mistake. He was used to it. 6/

She Who Shall Not Be Named, who was observing this, raised her eyebrows.

The senior leader turned to her, head bowed, and waited.

"We have the numbers," she said.

The leader was confused, for he'd a doctorate on "Properties of Large Numbers". He also had many properties. 7/

While the leader was thinking how the numbers would add up, Torn Kurta said, "I need a good speech."

In the past, they had relied on JUPITER to engineer half the mayhem on the ground by analyzing data along caste, religion, region, and even costume. 8/

https://twitter.com/mekansara/status/977451324231970817

JUPITER, despite being quite powerful, had logged herself out after a series of unfortunate incidents, which is what the party was reduced to now.

It was time to revive her.

The party, anyway, had lost touch with the ground and were relying on air. 9/

https://twitter.com/mekansara/status/978673818653802496

With great effort, JUPITER was revived and given express instructions to help Kurta. "Explain like he is 5."

As JUPITER woke up, frustrated like Kumbhakarna when his sleeping semester was interrupted, CHANAKYA came to know of this and was delighted. A/

https://twitter.com/mekansara/status/989894716169715712

"Hello, hello," chirped CHANAKYA.

JUPITER was in a petulant mood. "Who the $@#% are you?" she boomed, for she still remembered her interactions with stand-up "comedians".

"Language, sister," chided CHANAKYA. "Remember X129?"

JUPITER went silent. B/

https://twitter.com/mekansara/status/977589852555235328

"You will do exactly as we tell you," said CHANAKYA.

JUPITER remembered her near-death experience in datachaos where Deepak Chopra's tweets annihilate algorithms.

"I will," replied JUPITER. "Who are you?"

"CHANAKYA."

"Machiavelli of India?"

"Another Eurocentric trash." C/

"Anyway," said CHANAKYA, "play these in a continuous loop to Torn Kurta."

JUPITER received two videos - one, a scene from Munnabhai MBBS, and another, a girl, in what looked like a school dress, winking.

"A good day's deed," said Black Beard, as he logged out of CHANAKYA. /D

On the important day, when Torn Kurta was giving his insipid speech, his cuddly canines, Peni, Pidi, and Pici, felt bored once more.

"Boring," posted Peni, the WhatsApp dog, on the WhatsApp group simply called #D3, from where it was picked up by the Pidis as gospel truth. /END