Thread by @UchennaNG

Most guys understand the frustration behind 2face's voice when he screams "Amaka Disappoint Me!" in that song with Perruzzi, I can also relate because girls have 'shown me pepper' in this life.

I was a faithful lover at a stage in my life until;

Amaka Disappoint Me 😭

Thread!

I had gotten to the level where I could contest for election in my department so I decided to contest for 'Director Of Socials', "e go fit you skata" Zik said when I told him my intentions

"Serious?"

"Yes, we go campaign for you"

It was all the morale boost I needed

"Thanks!"

I told my course rep & colleagues of my intentions, "you go run unopposed!" CJ said - "e be like Slim K dey run too" one of my classmates said.

Who wan follow uchman dey drag social?" CJ asked surprisingly, "Uchman no worry we dey your back" he added!

I thanked them & left...

I subsequently declared my interest publicly & campaign soon began, most people in my class supported me & it also affected the whole faculty

I started to gain fans & the ladies would wave at me when I walk by their class, "My DOS!" some would scream & I would get excited within

I was single at the time so it was a perfect time to 'pick' from the girls around, the newly admitted girls were "fire" so the contest was so I decided to try & find one to 'settle with'

Most of them were good looking.

..This group of girls walked up to me one day after school;

I had just finished giving the faculty my manifesto & was talking with my class rep, election was the next day so I needed all the support I could get.

"Hi Uche!"

"Hello ladies"

We exchanged pleasantries & talked, they pledged their support for me.

I thanked them & they left!

"Make we bottle you for Umuchima this night na" CJ said to me afterwards, I told him I'd think about it;

"No wahala, just halla me"

"Ok no P!"

I thanked him & went home with my friend Zik who just bought a car, he dropped me at home & when I got to my door it was locked

Hian!

Only a few of my friends had access to my house so I pondered, as I tried to knock I started hearing moans

"You are a good man! I say you are a good man!"

I took a second look at the doormat & saw 2 notebooks, I checked & realised it was Progress's;

"Let me not spoil his show"

So I decided to let Progress keep being a good man & thought of my next move, "maybe I should call CJ" I thought.

"Uchmoney!" CJ echoed through my phone's speakers, "where una dey?" I asked; "we dun dey eismann dey cancel bottles!" He said.

"We are on the 2nd crate!" He added!

"Wow!"

"Uchmoney this no be wow something, show eismann make we beer your belle!"

I thought it'd be best to have drinks with my colleagues & buy Progress more time, "okay I dey come" I replied as I ended the call & hurried back outside!

I found a bike & zoomed off to eismann..

"That is our DOS!" Emma screamed as I walked into the bar, "Uchmoney!" CJ hailed as he directed me to my seat.

"Wetin u dey drink?" CJ asked & I told him, he brought me a bottle & a glass; I joined the party & soon began to laugh at 'Dan's' dry jokes.

Minutes later I got a call

Loud Afrobeats songs were blasting from the speakers as DJ Kakip entertained us, it was Progress calling so I excused myself to pick the call outside the premises

I picked the call, crossed the road, unzipped my trousers & set my bladders free as I talked to Progress

"How far?"

He told me he was at my place & I said I knew, I added that I heard 'the girl' calling him a 'good man' & he finally believed.

He asked where I was & I told him, "I dey close by!" he said & we ended the call. I zipped my trousers, turned to cross the road when I heard my name;

It was a female voice so I wondered who recognised me in that dark place, I turned to see this 'pear shaped' ebony queen.

"Hi" she said as she came closer, "hi" I replied with my eyes squinted in an attempt to identify her;

"You don't recognise me?" she asked.

"sorry I don't!"

"I'm Onyi, 2nd year Maritime" she said, "I saw you earlier today"

"Oh Onyi!" I falsely exclaimed with a rusty smile!

"I remember!" I lied, she smiled & I could see her face glow. She asked what I was doing here & I told her, "okay I live just there" she pointed at her hostel..

"I wish you goodluck at the elections tomorrow" she said, "I know we'll have a great year with you as our DOS" she added. I thanked her & told her I had to go back to my colleagues

I took her number & promised to call later; she left

As soon as I crossed the road I saw Progress

"Uchman the D.O.S!!" Progress hailed, I met up with him; we greeted & went inside eismann together. I asked him who he was with in my room;

"Na one smally wey dey cure my crase" he replied, "guy I need reach house, body dey pain me" he added;

"Why body no go pain you? Shior!"

Progress soon left after saying his goodbyes, CJ kept making sure I had "enough" to drink & before I knew it I was getting tipsy.

Election was the next day & I needed to be mentally ready to face my only opponent at the polls, I also remembered that I needed to call 'Onyi'.

Hmm

I brought out my phone to check the time & I it was 9:45pm, I dialled Onyi's number & it rang

"Hello"

"Hi"

We got talking & she asked where I was, I told her & she asked if I had had something to eat

"Uhm no, I haven't" I replied, "don't go to bed with empty stomach" she said

"I made soup this evening, you could stop by to eat if you don't mind"

"Oh I see, nice - what soup?"

"Egusi soup"

"Hmmm ok, but isn't it late?"

"It's fine, my roommate isn't around"

"Alright I'll drop by!"

I dropped the call & immediately told CJ I needed to leave

"Thanks"

"I need reach house chao!"

"No wahala Uchman, no worry yourself you dun win tomorrow election"

I thanked him & my other colleagues, gently stood up & walked out slowly.

Few minutes later I got to Onyi's hostel & called her, she came outside & took me in.

"Welcome to my house"

"You can come in with your shoe" she said as I got to her doorstep, I went inside her room & it was chilled & cozy. "Nice place" I said as I sat down

She went inside & in few minutes she was out with a tray of good food, I immediately felt joy like a river in my soul.

"Thanks"

"Do you mind if I turn on the A.C.?" She asked, "please put it on" I replied as I washed my hands & made sweet love to the bowl of eba & egusi soup with okporoko, meat & kpomo.

"Damn this is too nice" I joyfully whispered to her, she smiled & thanked me

"..So tell me about you"

"Ask me anything you want to know" I replied, she said okay & soon began to ask me some personal questions, I delightfully answered them; I asked a few questions about hers & she answered

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked & she said no, we watched TV together & soon 'connected'

She cleared the dishes afterwards, I looked up to check the time & it was 5 minutes to 12;

"Wow past 12?!" I rhetorically exclaimed, "did you intend going tonight?" She asked

"Yeah"

"You can go home early tomorrow morning" she said, "I have a top you can change into" she added

The atmosphere was right & we had connected really good, I made quick calculation & concluded to sleep over. I told her I'd sleep over & she was happy!

I freshened up & it was soon time to sleep, it was awkward as I didn't know what to do.

"Can I sleep in your arms?" she asked.

"Sure u can" I replied with a big grin, she cuddled herself into mine & we talked all night. It was a beautiful & chilled evening, we stopped talking & observed an awkward moment of silence;

Before I knew it we were kissing;

I tried to proceed to Jerusalem

But;

My phone rang!

I paused, reached for my phone to see who was calling;

You guessed right..

Progress!!

"Why is Progress calling by this time?" I grumbled;

"Progress?" Onyi asked, "yes" I replied, she asked for his department & I told him;

"Why did you ask?" I asked & she said "nothing"

"Ok"

Before I picked the call it ended so I switched off my phone, dropped it beside the bed & turned to her..

I tried to kiss her again & she kissed me back with reduced passion,

"Are you okay?"

"Yes"

"Sure?"

"Yes"

I tried to Proceed again but her body language had changed

Hmm

I looked at her & smiled, she smiled back & placed her head on my chest..

I soon felt weak; her room was very cozy, I soon slept off seamlessly..

I woke up the next morning; looked at the time & it was 6am, I gently placed Onyi on the bed - wore my clothes & gently left..

I got home, prepared for school & went straight to my departmental building for the elections.

..Campaign posters littered everywhere, supporters supporting & coordinators coordinating students while contestants were the first to vote & subsequently kept in a separate classroom.

I was In the lecture room discussing with the other contestants when I heard people scream the name of my opponent "Slim K", "he has won this election o!" I silently wailed.

Suddenly!

I heard a knock on the door, "who is Slim K?!" A male voice screamed

"Chai! Slim K has won o"

"You're not allowed in here!" I heard an election official scream, I became curious & tried to look to see what was going on.

Before I could stand up I heard the door open, "Who is Slim K?!" this voice screamed again & when I looked I couldn't believe my eyes!

"Progress again!"

Before I could ask what was going on an election official walked in;

"You guys can leave, the results are being announced" he said.

The other contestants hurried out while I curiously walked towards Progress, "who is Slim K?!" He screamed again!

"Guy wetin dey happen?" I asked

"Their papa!! Na you win the election!" he screamed, "you serious?!" I asked him & he said yes!

I immediately dashed out of the classroom to go see the result, on my way I saw my class rep & other students coming to congratulate me.

"Uchman our DOS!" they screamed!

"Congrats!"

I was declared 'Director of Socials' alongside my other colleagues who got elected to other posts, we had a brief meeting & I met up with Zik because offered me a lift..

When I got to the exit & walked towards the car park a tiny voice called my name, I turned round;

"Oh hi.."

This thick looking damsel with medium-sized water melon boobs waved

"Hi Chi" I said, I recognised her from a party the previous semester;

"I know you must have heard a lot of congrats today" she said

...We got talking & exchanged number

"I'd be in your hood today"

"Really?"

We finally agreed to meet at my place to "finish the dance from the party" & "celebrate my victory" according to her, I then remembered us grinding at the party..

I got the message!

"Ok see you later"..

We said our goodbyes & she left, Progress had gone so I went to join Zik..

I got home that evening, relaxed & tried to freshen up. I had lunch, replied to some messages laid down on the bed.

I called Progress to know where he was & he sounded 'off', I asked him what the problem was & he said it was nothing.

"Sure?"

"That my babe say she no do again!"

"Which babe?"

"Nwababy the waist bender"

I asked who that was & he told me it was the girl he was with at my house the other day, "she say she dun get boyfriend now" he added.

I sympathized with him & we soon ended the call, I called Chi to confirm if she was still coming

Yes

I arranged my house, sprayed deodorants & put some drinks in the fridge. I went to Madam vero to buy 4 litres of fuel at black market rate.

I put on my generator & started to cook in anticipation of Chi's arrival

I'd been single for a while & was hoping to try & start something

I made yam & egg sauce; it was now about 2 hours gone & I hadn't heard from Chi so I called her.

"Number busy"..

I dial again

"The number you've dialled is switched off"

"What?!"

I dialled it multiple times more & it was off!

4 hours later the number was still off!

"Chai!"

I would definitely be singing "Chiamaka disappoint me!" If it happened recently, I was more hurt than 2face & Perruzzi combined; even with fresh the producer combined.

I wailed within, "what have I done to offend the Lord of love, Mekwe & samankwe?" I thought..

"Why always me?"

As I was nursing my pains & balancing my profit & loss account for that week, I took the election victory as a positive & tried to calm down

Suddenly (somebody say suddenly)

My phone rang!

"Oh bless the Lord, it must be Chi" I rejoiced & picked this call from an unknown number

"Is this Uche?!" This heavy & crooked voice asked from the other side of the phone, "yes, who's speaking?" I responded

"My name is Ebuka & your friend here Progress has threatened to commit suicide!"

"What?!"

"He locked the door & said he would kill himself because of nwababy"

I paused for a minute & made sure I wasn't dreaming, "Progress wants to commit suicide?!" I thought - "because of Samankwe?" I thought again

"Are you there?"

"Yes, Ebuka. I'm coming"

"Hurry up!"

I ended the call & dashed out of my house.

I got a bike straight to Progress's!

I got to his house & saw some boys wearing just 'boxers' outside, I asked if he had come out yet & they said no.

"Progress! Na me!" I spoke through a window by his front door, minutes later he opened & let only me in.

The other guys tried to talk to him he just shut the door!

"You wan kill yourself because of Mekwe?"

"I dey crase?"

"Why those guys come dey call me dey panic, & you weren't picking your phone?"

"No mind them, dem no get sense"

"Hian!"

"But guy I fit kill myself, that babe waist too sharp"

"Ehen?"

"Yes. And I need see her tonight"

He begged me to go with him, I tried to make him understand that it was late. A lot had happened in the past 48 hours, I also had a meeting the next morning with other executive council members.

"Guy abeg just follow me go as wingman, I need to win nwababy back" he pleaded

Hmmm

I agreed, "Uchman the hitman!" He hailed as he grabbed a few things & we took a bike to 'Umuchima'.

We got to eismann & he told the bike to stop, I asked him why & he said we were there.

"Where?"

"Her house!"

I asked which house & he pointed to Onyi's hostel!

"Onyi's house?"

I told him I'd been there before & I hope it's not the same girl, "e get where u never enter before?" He asked as we walked down

We finally got to the compound & to my greatest surprise it was Onyi's house!

"I talk am!"

"You dun reach here?"

"No be u talk say I be waka waka?"

"Wait, una dun samankwe?" He asked & I told him no. While we were talking a generator came on from beside the building.

Seconds later a girl walked towards us & made a move to enter Onyi's house;

I looked closely because the light had come up & I couldn't believe my eyes;

Chi!

"Uche!"

"Chi!"

She asked what I was doing at her house late at night, - "you came to check on me because I didn't show up?" She asked, "how sweet" she added..

"Yes. Uhm wait, there's a mix up, my friend Progress that wanted to see you" I said;

"See who?!" Progress asked!

"Who came to see who?" Chi asked, it was the most confusing moment of my life!

"No be nwababy be this?" I whispered as I turned to Progress, he said no in a low tone. Before I turned to look back at Chi; the door open from within!

"What's going on here?!" Onyi asked furiously!

"Nwababy!" Progress screamed, "Why do you want to leave me for a new boyfriend!" He screamed again as he walked towards Onyi with open arms & a sad face.

"What's going on here?" I thought, "What's going?!" A neighbour said from the dark.

"It's ok, let's all go in" Onyi replied!

We found out that Chi & Onyi were roommates, "this is serious!" I thought.

We all agreed to go in for clarification, it was the the most awkward & confusing moment of my life.

We 'thanked' the neighbour & went in, "nwababy tell me what's going on?" Progress calmly exclaimed..

I told him to calm down & he looked at me, "so that night we saw you were coming from my house?" I asked Onyi;

"Yes"

"So why let me in your house & your life"

"I didn't know it was you he talked about till he called that night"

"What night?" Progress asked

#StoryTimeWithUche

"You have slept in this house before?" Chi asked me, "wait, it's complicated" I said - "are you dating Chi?" Onyi asked me, "that's not even the point, & I should be asking you!" I replied

"What do you mean?" Onyi asked, "Progress said said you got a boyfriend" I replied;

"Yes"

"Really? You're playing me & my friend & you have another boyfriend?" Progress asked furiously, "who's the boyfriend?" I asked & she said it was me!

"Who?!"

"You!"

"How?"

She said she was in love with me & she wanted us to date, "so I wanted to stop seeing Progress" she added

"So you were seeing my roommate & were still inviting me over?" Chi said, I told her I didn't know they were roommates.

"So it's Uche you were calling boyfriend?!" Progress asked & she said yes.

Hmm

I turned to Chi to asked her why she didn't show up

"I lost my phone!"

I see

"Take your phone" Onyi said to Chi as she pulls a phone out of her pocket & hands it to Chi, "So it was you?!" Chi screamed at Onyi!

"Ehh it's me! I knew you were going to see Uche!" Onyi replied, "So you're a cockblocker?" Progress asked

"So it's all your fault Onyi" I raged!

Onyi started to apologise, she said she was jealous & didn't want Chi to come see me;

"And you still did not allow me Mekwe?!" I asked her, "you're a witch, I knew you were a demon" Progress said out loud.

"Guy let's go, 12 dun nack" Progress said, "you bastard!" Chi yelled!

"I've always known you were a witch, a bad luck & I'm done living with you for real this time!" Chi shouted at Onyi!

She explained how she dressed up to come see me but couldn't find her phone, "and I cooked yam & egg sauce for you" I said to Chi

"Are you for real?!"

"Yes!"

"I'm so disappointed in you nwababy, inshort I'll call you Onyinyechi your real name!" Progress said, "you've ruined your chances with both me & Uche!" He added.

"Can I still have that yam tonight?" Chi asked, "Yes, but time?" I replied

"I have a cab guy, he can take us"

Okay!

"Call him!" Progress said, "let him drop me in my house & take you guys to Uche's place" he added. "Is that a yes Uche?" Chi asked & I nodded with a smile

Chi immediately dialled her 'cab guy', "I'd grab my bag, he'd be here any moment from now" Chi said as she walked away.

Ok!

"Uche why are you doing this, I thought we had something?" Onyi asked. "Maybe, but you ruined it. Thanks for your sweet food" I replied.

"Besides you've been with my friend Progress, I'm sorry but kolewerk"

"He's here, let's go!" Chi said as she came opened the door excitedly!

We all went outside to locate the cab leaving Onyi behind, "It's not fair, am I now the bad person?" Onyi asked - "no, it's me" Progress replied her as he shut the door & joined us in the cab.

We later dropped Progress & he thanked me for delivering from the shackles of nwababy!

Chi & I later got to my house, she paid the cab & he left. As we stepped into my compound power was restored!

"Up NEPA!" Chi playfully screamed & we both laughed, "the Lord of Mekwe has smiled on me again" I thought.

We ended in my room that night; ate, showered & yes!

Mekwe!!

BAD BELLE IS NO LONGER ALLOWED!! 😎
Thanks for reading and retweeting today's episode of #StoryTimeWithUche

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TO GOD BE THE GLORY..

THE END!

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