Julie Profile picture
Aug 11, 2018 10 tweets 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
My suicide plan was to steal a bunch of narcotics and anti-emetics, go to the beach, and swim out into the Gulf until either the drugs overtook me or I became exhausted and drowned. Then if I was "rescued" they wouldn't realize I was dying from overdose until its too late #SeaTac
I no longer work at a job where stealing a lethal amount of narcotics would be easy and I don't want to die, but sometimes I stand on the beach and wonder if it would have been the drugs or the water that would have taken me.
I was in a bad place and no one knew. I couldn't ask for help, I didn't know how. People helped me, they just didn't know it. A kind smile, a generous moment of understanding, that gave me hope that maybe there was something to live for.
There was a website that I visited several times a day that explained to me that I didn't want to die, just to stop hurting and that there is a big difference between dying and feeling better. I clung to that. Repeated it over and over.
I'm alive, life is still hard, I still have regrets I can never give up, but I'm glad I'm still here.
You don't know what that stranger at the grocery store is going through. You don't know your co-worker's pain. If you have an opportunity to to do something nice, do it. It might be the one thing that keeps someone alive today.
We are all just one decision away from death. I wish I could have helped this guy who stole the plane. I hope his pain is gone now.
Now, someone needs to embrace those air traffic controllers, I can't imagine their pain. They are heroes who tried, but as a nurse, I've tried and been unsuccessful before, and it hurts. A lot.
The job I work at now is gentle. I was once traumatized by an incident and they allowed me to take a month off to recover. I came back with a renewed loyalty to my work and patients. Employers need to be good like that, it keeps employees alive.
Thanks for coming to my mental health talk. Please go out of your way to do something kind for someone today. #MentalHealthMatters

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More from @julie_is_alive

Aug 23, 2018
This is such a good article about poverty.

I remember hitting that bittersweet spot where the food/rent assistance stopped and I was set back for "doing better".

But thankfully, I had made the huge sacrifices to go to college so things got better quickly
However, if not for section 8 housing, I would never have been able to get out of poverty. One year while I was in college, I supported my daughter on 7k for the whole year. When I get my social security report occasionally, I look at that year and my mind is blown.
I never needed #TANF but #SNAP saved us every month. It was hard. I donated plasma to buy diapers. Or rather, I went in twice weekly and let them stick me 10+ times before telling me to drink more and come back in a couple days, they could never get my veins.
Read 9 tweets
Aug 15, 2018
Why I believe in a personal, real God, and why I believe he/she/they love me: too many times in my life, things have worked out for me way better than they should have.

I don't understand why me, when so many suffer, but I sincerely believe I'm #blessed
Today was another crazy thing that just worked out. I'm going through a rough time and through complete irresponsibility and poor planning, I ended up $310 in the hole in my checking account. Last night I drove to work wondering if I would make it there, I was so low on gas.
Last pay period, I had been sick and my kids had been sick and I missed work. My paycheck was going to be unusually small, so I had bills to pay and I didn't know how I was going to pay them. I went to work knowing my paycheck would be direct deposited at midnight and
Read 10 tweets
May 7, 2018
Thread: When you read about my experiences as an evangelical and you say "I grew up in an Evangelical church and I never saw that" I have to say, "Yes you did" You weren't in the center of it, but if you went to a missions conference and saw a missionary kid up on stage singing,
That was me. You saw us. You saw people who were weirdly devout like us. You probably knew/know a family that homeschools to avoid the world's influence. It's not benign. Maybe you weren't that deep in it, but you saw it.
I know because I saw you. I envied you; you had some measure of peace I couldn't get. You got to live in the same house & go to real school, but you knew about me, and your parents didn't condemn mine even though they saw it too.
Read 9 tweets

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