Julie Profile picture
Aug 15, 2018 10 tweets 2 min read Twitter logo Read on Twitter
Why I believe in a personal, real God, and why I believe he/she/they love me: too many times in my life, things have worked out for me way better than they should have.

I don't understand why me, when so many suffer, but I sincerely believe I'm #blessed
Today was another crazy thing that just worked out. I'm going through a rough time and through complete irresponsibility and poor planning, I ended up $310 in the hole in my checking account. Last night I drove to work wondering if I would make it there, I was so low on gas.
Last pay period, I had been sick and my kids had been sick and I missed work. My paycheck was going to be unusually small, so I had bills to pay and I didn't know how I was going to pay them. I went to work knowing my paycheck would be direct deposited at midnight and
I would be able to buy gas in the morning. My paycheck never came in last night. This morning I got off work and called the bank. There was a processing error and nobody's direct deposit had gone through. They were working to fix it.
I explained to the lady on the phone that I couldn't get home until the issue was resolved, because, gas. She refunded my account until I was $50 in the black. I could go home.
But even better, now I can afford to pay my bills. Lucky there was a processing error. Lucky the lady was kind.
Stuff like this happens to me all the time (not negative checking balances but amazing "coincidences"). All the time. More than anyone else I know. Ask me for more stories, I've got even better ones.
So, as far as the negative balance goes, I will "go and sin no more".
Every time something like this works out ridiculously well, I am left wondering what I did to deserve this good fortune. I don't have an explanation for this happening so often except for God? I'm #exvangelical but I don't doubt God's existing.
I do, however, believe that the modern church is an abomination. There's no loving God in church. So I #EmptyThePews but I still believe.

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More from @julie_is_alive

Aug 23, 2018
This is such a good article about poverty.

I remember hitting that bittersweet spot where the food/rent assistance stopped and I was set back for "doing better".

But thankfully, I had made the huge sacrifices to go to college so things got better quickly
However, if not for section 8 housing, I would never have been able to get out of poverty. One year while I was in college, I supported my daughter on 7k for the whole year. When I get my social security report occasionally, I look at that year and my mind is blown.
I never needed #TANF but #SNAP saved us every month. It was hard. I donated plasma to buy diapers. Or rather, I went in twice weekly and let them stick me 10+ times before telling me to drink more and come back in a couple days, they could never get my veins.
Read 9 tweets
Aug 11, 2018
My suicide plan was to steal a bunch of narcotics and anti-emetics, go to the beach, and swim out into the Gulf until either the drugs overtook me or I became exhausted and drowned. Then if I was "rescued" they wouldn't realize I was dying from overdose until its too late #SeaTac
I no longer work at a job where stealing a lethal amount of narcotics would be easy and I don't want to die, but sometimes I stand on the beach and wonder if it would have been the drugs or the water that would have taken me.
I was in a bad place and no one knew. I couldn't ask for help, I didn't know how. People helped me, they just didn't know it. A kind smile, a generous moment of understanding, that gave me hope that maybe there was something to live for.
Read 10 tweets
May 7, 2018
Thread: When you read about my experiences as an evangelical and you say "I grew up in an Evangelical church and I never saw that" I have to say, "Yes you did" You weren't in the center of it, but if you went to a missions conference and saw a missionary kid up on stage singing,
That was me. You saw us. You saw people who were weirdly devout like us. You probably knew/know a family that homeschools to avoid the world's influence. It's not benign. Maybe you weren't that deep in it, but you saw it.
I know because I saw you. I envied you; you had some measure of peace I couldn't get. You got to live in the same house & go to real school, but you knew about me, and your parents didn't condemn mine even though they saw it too.
Read 9 tweets

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