Thread by @elonjames

Welp. I just had to do my first "WE'RE LEAVING NOW" to my kid due to her acting up.

To say she's not pleased with me would be a severe understatement.

She's in full rage.

#DGProper

The best part? It's a BEAUTIFUL day in Philly. We were going to the park. I got a special backpack that has a cooler built in so I could bring her cold water and keep her yogurt cool. I had veggie sticks, animal crackers, THE WORKS. I had enough for her AND her BFF. #DGProper

We had literally JUST arrived at the park. She was in a mood & wouldn't let me unbuckle her seat belt. Her mom had to use the bathroom so I told her I was her only option.

I unhook one of the buckles and she kicks at me. I catch it like the Batman & tell her "DON'T KICK DADDY."

She tries for another kick.

*BLOCKED*

And then she did something I just didn't see coming this lil m'fucka slapped me across the face like we were in an episode of Dynasty or Falcon Crest.

#DGProper

Me:

I think there was about 3 seconds of silence as she looked at me and I looked at her. Here's a dramatic re-enactment:

Then I just yelled to my wife "HONEY. GET BACK IN THE CAR. WE'RE GOING HOME."

Wife: "What?"

ME: "WE'RE GOING HOME. NO PARK FOR SIDNEY."

The Brat:

And the problem was not only had we just gotten to the park, not only did i have all the snacks, we were there with her BFF and his dad. Her BFF had just walked up to the car when I made this declaration. She saw him and screamed HARDER. #DGProper

Now, I'm not exactly proud of this next part but I did it so I'm owning it.

Her BFF is standing at the car door. She's in her seat SCREAMING.

I bend over to him and say "Would you like Sidney's apple sauce?" He nods yes and I open up my snack bag and hand it to him,

Her:

We also have a ball we keep in the car for park trips. Her BFF LOOOOVES this ball. He had picked it up and his Dad told him give it back since we were leaving.

Me: "You can go play with the ball. Have fun!"

Her:

I calmly got back in the car and looked in the back seat and said "When Daddy says don't hit Daddy, don't hit Daddy."

The rage in this little person's eyes...

I might've felt bad had she not just kicked my wife in the face 2 days ago. #DGProper

She's been really testing us with the whole hitting and kicking thing. I was trying to go by the book and not respond to big, explain to her that its not nice and she wouldn't like it if I did that to her, blah blah blah. She just does it anyway and apologizes the next day...

I told the wife we have to draw a line in the sand. She can't act like this. It's unacceptable. And I'm not gonna hit her back. I'm grown ass man.

But I'm also a grown ass PETTY man.

In a game of pettiness child, you will not win.

Don't. Hit. Daddy.

#DGProper