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E. James White Profile picture
E. James White
@elonjames
Sid & Alex’s Dad, Illustrator, Writer, Producer, Comedian. @NBCnews @TheRoot @Salon @DailyNews +more He/Him - ejw.biz@twib.me
Sep 24, 2018 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
This whole “If we listen to sexual assault allegations from women then every man will be brought down” is based on how men are socialized. While we all say “rape is wrong”, we also say “boys WILL be boys” & “she was asking for it. Look how’s she’s dressed. Why was she so drunk?” This fucked up logic is baked into dudes from really a young age. I was raised by a feminist and I still heard statements like “She was asking for it.” She couldn’t shield me, no matter how hard she tried, from how society looks at women and what is “owed” to men.
Sep 18, 2018 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Yes. Yes it should.

Sexual assault isn't like wearing bell bottoms or getting a bad haircut or using problematic language.

ITS. A. FUCKING. LIFE ALTERING. CRIME. YOU DICK HOLES. If I'm raping women in my late teens (and I say women cuz we don't know what dude could've done. It's not like we know he hit his rape quota) and I never admit it. I never take responsibility for it...

Why the FUCK should I be allowed to sit on the highest court of the land?
Sep 2, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
My child, who is in full fledge boundary testing mode, just told me that her name is NOT Siddy.

It’s Sidney Baby Girl.

Okay buddy. #DGProper I almost asked her “But who calls you baby girl?” But the last I hit her with a logic bomb that she couldn’t handle she screamed for 10 minutes. #DGProper
Aug 31, 2018 • 6 tweets • 3 min read
So yesterday I posted a pic of a 3d picture of my son in the womb. I look at the post today and see some one posted this in response... #DGProper That pissed me all the way off. How do you write on a post where someone ALREADY did something that we’re not sure if it’s safe. It’s INVITING you to get freaked out. Mind you, the concern is over vanity ultrasounds that aren’t medically neccessary. This was not that. #DGProper
Aug 30, 2018 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
“In a letter to House and Senate leaders, Trump described the pay increase as "inappropriate."

"We must maintain efforts to put our Nation on a fiscally sustainable course, and Federal agency budgets cannot sustain such increases," the President wrote.” cnn.com/2018/08/30/pol…
Aug 30, 2018 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
When I told folks last year that I had a nemises list I was mocked!

NOW ITS WHATS HOT IN THE STREETS. See. I EVEN HAVE A RANKING SYSTEM.
Aug 25, 2018 • 14 tweets • 5 min read
So I’ve come to the conclusion that becoming a Daddy is like when X-Men start developing their mutant powers.

At first you can’t control your powers and it’s sporadic and doesn’t kick in when you want it. But the more you practice the better control you get. #DGProper I’ve been battling my arch nemesis, Sidneto, & I’ve taken some L’s. But my Daddy powers are getting stronger. I’m starting to be able to control them. There’s moments when I’m doing the Dad stuff I’ve seen or heard others do but I didn’t know how they did it. #DGProper
Aug 24, 2018 • 8 tweets • 3 min read
I’m sure if there’s a better term for what stage my kid is in but the only way I can refer to is “the shits.”

Because we’re in the shits now.

#DGProper This A.M I had to put the kid on timeout multiple times. And she’s doing this new thing where I ask her to do something, she ignores it or does the EXACT opposite. I tell her she now has to deal with the consequence and she then yells emphatically “I LISTEN. I LISTEN.” #DGProper
Aug 24, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
I will admit I thought spanking stopped being a thing. I thought that we all learned that it doesn’t actually help. I got whoopings as a kid but my mom learned before I became a teenager through parenting classes that it’s not effective.

Who’s spanking their kids? #DGProper I just remembered that before I ever had a kid I wrote an article on “spankings.” I’ve evolved even more since this but the message I was pushing I think is a legitimate one.

Hitting kids: A hard habit to break  - NY Daily News nydailynews.com/opinion/elon-j… #DGProper
Aug 23, 2018 • 13 tweets • 5 min read
Welp. I just had to do my first "WE'RE LEAVING NOW" to my kid due to her acting up.

To say she's not pleased with me would be a severe understatement.

She's in full rage.

#DGProper The best part? It's a BEAUTIFUL day in Philly. We were going to the park. I got a special backpack that has a cooler built in so I could bring her cold water and keep her yogurt cool. I had veggie sticks, animal crackers, THE WORKS. I had enough for her AND her BFF. #DGProper
Aug 9, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
#DGProper

My daughter has started wearing hair ties as bracelets. So I wore one & said that we were bracelet buddies. My wife, who has had these hair ties around her wrist forever was like “I’m a bracelet buddy too!”

Me & Siddy: See I argue that my wife needs to let me have these little things w/ the kid because they have stuff already! My daughter’s love of pretty dresses is only because she thinks her mama wears pretty dresses & she’s not a hat girl yet.

I NEED SOMETHING. LEAVE MY BRACELET BUDDY BE.
Aug 9, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Those moments when parents snap and tell the child what’s really the deal are just hilarious to me.

I’ve done it. Will probably do it again. 🤣 #DGProper The best part is that 99% of parents aren’t thinking of things in a “mine vs yours” with their child. We would give the little poop monsters anything we had...

Right up until they demand it and melt down as if they’re a white lady at Apple care.

Then we get PETTY.

#DGProper
Aug 6, 2018 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
If Siddy Bear is good at Spades...

Omg. Omg. Omg.

I might be tearing up. The sheer joy & pride I’d have. Oh god. I need this. I just remembered my mom told me about when she first learned I could play spades.

It was a party w/ a bunch of spades tables. My mama was playing at one & I played at one of the kids tables. But I started begging her to play at the adult table with her. I got told no 3 times.
Aug 1, 2018 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
Ahem.

Fuck you. And here’s why... Being racist isnt simply seeing the world a little differently than a non-racist. It’s upholding systems that actively oppress and make the lives of my friends, family and myself worse and unsafe.

Why shouldn’t a racist be called A racist? Coddling doesn’t fix jack shit.
Jul 31, 2018 • 9 tweets • 3 min read
I just ordered a crap-ton of cheese from Costco. I eat a lot of sandwiches so I figured I’d get the big ass pack of Swiss & be good for a few weeks. I open the cheese and realize it’s not Swiss.

It’s Swiss American.

WTF IS THAT?!?!? “Swiss American?”

That is clearly American cheese trying to slip under the “People like Swiss Cheese” line. It’s white, called Swiss but tastes like American. And I opened it so now I’m stuck with 3 lbs of fake Swiss cheese.

IM HEATED
Jul 24, 2018 • 16 tweets • 4 min read
Today there was a moment where I felt myself becoming "THAT" parent. The snippy a-hole who is telling folks what they need to do with "MY CHILD."

About 15 minutes after the moment I was legit shook because for the first time I understood how one becomes...THAT. #DGProper And it wasn't even over something that deep!

When we went to pick up my kid from Daycare one of the teachers causally mentions that my kid hadn't been eating the main part of her lunch for the past 4 school days.

This annoyed the holy CRAP out of me. #DGProper
Jul 24, 2018 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
My mama told me flat out if some girl came to her saying "Ms White, this Elon's baby" she was NOT taking responsibility for it nor was she moving my baby mama in. If I made a baby I'd have to get a job and take care of it. She was ADAMANT.

I had my first kid in my late 30s. And to be clear, that wasn't shade towards folks who had kids earlier than me. My mama had me when she was 20. But she had an apartment and took care of me herself. She was less concerned WHEN I had a baby and more concerned about could I care and provide for the baby.
Jul 23, 2018 • 19 tweets • 4 min read
There is NOT "a lot of things we didn't consider rape" that was rape. IT WAS ALWAYS RAPE. There's never been a time where taking advantage of someone sloppy drunk wasn't rape. SHE WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH YOU FOR A YEAR AND THEN SHE GOT SLOPPY DRUNK AND YOU "GOT THAT PUSSY?"

GTFOH. Let me tell y'all a story...
Jul 23, 2018 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
19 MINUTES.

Morbid curiosity has me listening. I'm at 4 mins 48 secs. This m'fucka said he messed with young and old but you can't call it pedophilia.

I almost threw my laptop. Are we supposed to feel bad for R. Kelly cuz he says he's broke.

M'FUCKA YOU SHOULD BE BROKE.
Jul 20, 2018 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
I had no idea folks were so attached to The Dark Knight. Like, I have folks saying outlandish shit about me personally in my mentions because I said TDK wasn’t a great Batman story.

Some of y’all are pathetic, sad beings.
Jul 16, 2018 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Folks think I’m kidding! You can get roasted for DECADES for bringing bad food to the BBQ. At some point your name will be forgotten but your culinary crimes will be remembered in exquisite detail. Only thing that brings equal infamy is singing badly & proudly at church. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Real talk? I still talk about Sister Josephine who sang a solo at church when I was a child. This was 30 yrs ago and I still tell the story and cry laughing. How you gon ask to sing a solo and get up in front the church sounding like a tortured cat giving birth?