Thread by @TheEdVerse

1)
“Look at the trees!” the thief said suddenly, pointing up. They’d been leapfrogging their slow way through the deep, damp, eerily listening-to-them forest for much of the day, and the light was beginning to lessen.
#epic fantasy

2)
“What?” the dwarf growled, peering in vain. “I see trees, in a ring…faery ring? We go around it, not through?”
“I see,” the ranger said quietly. “The thickenings, up high, where the trunks bulge, and many limbs branch off. Elven tombs.”
#epic fantasy

3)
“WHAT?” the dwarf said. “The long-ears bury each other in TREES?”
“These do, so tread with respect. They return themselves to the forest. Split a living trunk, stand the dead within, bind it up, and let it go on growing.”
#epic fantasy

4)
“Burials mean treasure,” the thief said thoughtfully. “I—eep.”
A nearby tree had suddenly grown a strung and bent bow, and the tip of its arrow was waiting a hand-length from his nose.
“It was a RESPECTFUL deduction!” he said…
#epic fantasy

5)
…hastily.
“And these are respectful arrows,” came a soft reply, from behind his ear. “Thus far.”
The thief made himself turn slowly and carefully, empty hands raised in the ‘no harm, surrender’ signal. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,…
#epic fantasy

6)
…TRULY sorry,” he added. This elf he could see, as their noses were almost touching. Slow cold smile and all.
“Good. That’s why you’re all going to turn THAT way, and follow us.”
“Follow you where?” the dwarf asked warily.
#epic fantasy

7)
“Around in widening circles, so you’ll never find your way back to this place, then to the rill and along its banks out of the forest. Your only way to ever get out of these trees alive, by the way.”
#epic fantasy

8)
“We accept your kind offer,” the ranger said firmly, before the thief or dwarf could utter anything fatally stupid. “And apologize for blundering where you hold dear.”
“My,” said an unseen elf, “you’ve been practising.”
#epic fantasy

9)
“Next time,” the dwarf growled, “let’s practise going AROUND a forest, instead of trying to cut through.”
“Oooh, a prudent dwarf! Hearken, all! Apologetic human leader and prudent dwarf; truly, this day does hold treasures!”
#epic fantasy

10)
The thief sighed. “I know a cue when I hear it.” He did something to his left bracer, and out of it rolled a ruby the size of his thumb. “A toll, for passage and your guiding?”
“Generous. Thank you.”
#epic fantasy

11)
The unseen elf voice held astonishment this time, rather than mockery.
“And yet another marvel, to boot,” said another. “Take the gem and let’s be off. Ere my arrow loses patience and buries itself in one of our…guests.”
#epic fantasy

12)
The thief couldn’t help but look at that speaker. And blinked. The arrow pointed up his nose had tiny eyes on either side of its head—and they were staring at him!
One winked. He fainted.
#epic fantasy

13)
When he knew the world again, it was nightfall, beneath an open sky studded with stars. No forest. The ranger and the dwarf were sitting beside him, nigh a banked fire.
“What did I miss?”
“More foolishness,” said the dwarf.
#epic fantasy

14)
“Seems they have a prophecy of a fainting human thief,” murmured the ranger. “We’re all honorary elves now, and are welcome in the forest whenever.”
The thief eyed him suspiciously. “There’s a catch, isn’t there?”
#epic fantasy

15)
The dwarf guffawed. The ranger nodded.
“Seems you’ll be getting to know a lot of elven maidens rather personally. And soon.”
“That’s a catch?”
“Twenty-six thousand and two await you. Lucky man. They gave us an elixir for you.”
#epic fantasy

16)
“To, uh, make me, ah, rampant?”
“To safeguard your heart, as you get older. We’re taking you back in, on the morrow, to get started.”
The thief struggled to sit up. And failed.
“Is that why you’ve STAKED ME DOWN?”
#epic fantasy

17)
“Well,” the ranger told the stars, “you wanted to die rich…”
“Can’t have you running off,” said the dwarf. “They gave us each our weight in gold, and I’m not giving it back. OR fleeing elves for the rest of my life.”
#epic fantasy

18)
“So this is one bargain you’re going to keep,” said the ranger firmly. “Look at it this way: like that ballad says, ‘your elves for free.’
“And don’t worry,” said the dwarf comfortingly. “You’ll be dead by next spring.”
#epic fantasy

19)
“I WHAT? WHY?”
“Well, you always said steady work would kill you…”
The laughter that followed was long and raucous, but somehow the thief didn’t feel like joining in.
#epic fantasy